


Reverence

by TheBroodyElf



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-28
Updated: 2014-11-12
Packaged: 2017-12-09 18:27:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 46,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/776607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBroodyElf/pseuds/TheBroodyElf
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>To James Vega, meeting Commander Shepard was nothing more than an impossible dream. As far as Vega knew, people don't just come back from the dead. But since when did Commander Shepard play by the rules? A look at the relationship between F!Shepard and Vega through the Lieutenant's eyes. Inspired by ME: Paragon Lost.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prisoner

**Author's Note:**

> Watched Mass Effect: Paragon Lost for the first time last night, and I was totally inspired to write this little piece. I originally intended it to be a one-shot, but depending on the response I get, I may actually expand on it. Enjoy!

It's almost midday. There's a lone shadow in a small room in the slums of Omega, hunched low on a sofa, elbows on his knees, flipping a badge between his calloused fingers.

"Huh," he lets out a humourless laugh. "Lieutenant Commander.  _Me_."

He should be proud and honoured by the promotion, but all he could feel is fury, hatred and bitterness towards himself and towards the disgusting bug-like creatures known as the Collectors.

"Fucking bugs," he whispers to himself, his hands shaking with rage as his mind reluctantly drifts to thoughts of the attack on Fehl Prime.

Sunlight creeps through the chink in the curtains, illuminating a small object on the coffee table before the Lieutenant. It gleams and catches his attention. He reaches across the table and picks it up, placing it in the palm of his hand.

It's a blue badge with a miniature Normandy SR-1 in the centre. He stares at it, sadness quickly replacing the fury that consumed him a few moments ago.

"I wonder what you would've done, Commander," he says, his hazel-green eyes fixed on the badge. "I bet you would've saved everyone.  _Everyone_ …"

He wears this badge proudly on his chest on every mission he's ever been in since the Commander's death was announced two years ago. He still remembers the day it was announced. He had just come back from the gym in Alliance HQ in Vancouver. Just before he was ready to jump into the shower, he overheard the news on the vid his roommate was watching.

" _Commander Shepard, Hero of the Skyllian Blitz and saviour of the Citadel, has been killed while on active duty on the Normandy. The Commander was only 29 years old_."

He remembers how his heart skipped a beat when he heard the name. He remembers how his knees trembled when he saw the picture of a young and pretty brunette in her dress blues, looking straight at the camera with her intense, deep brown eyes- eyes that  _pierced_  and made him feel as though they could see right through him, even as he stared at her unmoving face in the vid.

He remembers how he just stood there in her Memorial, feeling numb. He remembers how genuinely distraught everyone appeared, especially that raven-haired Lieutenant who served with the Commander on the Normandy, Lieutenant Alenko.

It was such an unfitting death for such an incredible woman. And it was way,  _way_  too soon.

The young man jumps in his place and nearly drops the badge from between his fingers when a loud knock on the door snaps him out of his reverie. He quickly puts away the badge and pulls out his pistol, pointing it readily at the door.

He doesn't move a muscle until he hears three more knocks.

"James?" a familiar voice calls out.

James immediately puts down his pistol and stares at the door in disbelief.

"Anderson?" he asks, his voice filled with incredulity.

"Open up," Admiral Anderson orders.

James quickly stows away the pistol and strides towards the door. He peeks through the peep hole, still unable to believe his ears.

It was Admiral Anderson alright; navy and gold Admiral's suit and everything.

"Admiral," James swings open the door and salutes. "Didn't expect you here, of all places."

"It's not where I'd normally be, that's for sure," Anderson responds, brushing past James into the dingy apartment. "What on earth are you doing here, Lieutenant?" he asks as he looks around the less than pleasant surroundings. "Omega? Of all places!"

"Had to get away," James shrugs as he follows the Admiral back into the apartment. "Wanted to clear my mind after that Fehl Prime incident."

"Ever heard of the Citadel?" Anderson jokes.

"Too fancy for my tastes, Admiral," James replies. "Besides, aint no place like Afterlife."

"I asked around for you there," Anderson says, taking a seat on the sole couch in the tiny apartment. "You're not too popular with the Batarians, I'll tell you that much."

"What human is?" James asks bitterly.

"I heard you got into quite the scuffle with a few of them there," Anderson says, eyeing James critically.

"Yeah, a few of 'em got angry after I ripped off a vidscreen," James shrugs.

"And why would you do that?" Anderson asks with genuine curiosity.

"News on the destruction of the Alpha relay and the Bahak system got them all outta control," James explains, casually pacing before the coffee table. The Normandy badge gleams again and catches his eye. "Once it was announced that an Alliance Officer was allegedly responsible for that shit, all hell broke loose. So, I decided to take things under control and just get rid of the damned thing."

Anderson follows James' gaze and falls on the Normandy badge. He bends over and picks it up, twirling it around in his fingers.

"Still planning on following in Shepard's footsteps, Lieutenant-Commander?" Anderson asks after a pause, his eyes still fixed on the badge.

"She'll always be a role model worth living up to, Sir," James replies honestly.

"Yeah," Anderson nods lightly. "She most definitely is one hell of a role model," he almost whispers. The Admiral seems a bit lost in his own thoughts, so James nods and awkwardly clears his throat. Anderson starts at the sound and his eyes shoot up to meet James'.

"I need you to come back with me to Alliance HQ, Lieutenant."

"What? In Vancouver?" James asks in disbelief. "With all due respect, Sir, I have no intention of going back to Alliance HQ right now. I came here to get away from all that for a while. Take some time to breathe."

"Unfortunately for you, you don't really have that much of a choice in the matter," Anderson says, standing up with the Normandy badge still in his hands.

"Sir?" James asks with bewilderment.

"I need you for a job," Anderson explains. "An important one."

"What job?"

"We have the Alliance Officer who destroyed the Alpha Relay in custody," Anderson says after a pause. "They're under house arrest. I'm assigning you the task of guarding the prisoner until they stand trial."

"A personal  _guard_?" the Lieutenant repeats with incredulity. "Me? Don't you have guards for that kind of thing, Sir?"

"We don't want guards, Lieutenant. We need  _you_."

"But-"

"Enough, Lieutenant," Anderson orders him sternly. "When you signed up with the Alliance, you knew that you'd have to accept whatever post was given to you. Now pack your things. We're leaving."

With a huge sigh of defeat, James nods and mumbles a disheartened "yes, Sir" before shuffling off to collect what little belongings he brought with him to Omega.

"Our ship's waiting in the docks," Anderson says from the door. He proceeds to shut the door behind him before he stops and partially steps back into the apartment. "Lieutenant," he calls out. James turns around to look at him. "Catch," the Admiral says, tossing a small object across the room at James. He leaves as James uncurls his fingers to reveal the object.

The Normandy gleams up at him, hardening his resolve. Commander Shepard would never turn down a post, no matter what it was. He nods once to himself and resumes packing his things.

* * *

"This way, Lieutenant," Anderson says, a few steps ahead of James.

" _Dios_ …Can't I get a little sleep and a hot meal first, Admiral?"

"Later," Anderson says as he strides down the seemingly never-ending corridor. He finally stops before a closed apartment door. He knocks thrice and stands back.

"It's open," a deep, female voice calls out. James could swear it sounds familiar…

Anderson quietly opens the door and nods once at James before stepping in. Curiosity flooding through him, James hesitantly follows the Admiral into the apartment.

James lets out a low whistle as his eyes sweep around the expensive and swanky-looking apartment. An  _Officer's_  apartment.

He spots someone sitting on the sofa in the far end of the room. She's looking down at a datapad, her face partially hidden behind her chin-length, chocolate-brown hair. She seems engrossed in whatever it is that she's reading- she didn't even look up at to see who just came in.

"Looks like you've made yourself at home," Anderson says, smiling at the woman. She immediately looks up to meet Anderson's gaze, and James' heart nearly jumps out of his throat.

_Holy hell_ -

"Not much choice, Anderson," she replies in that unmistakeably familiar deep voice. She stands up and places the datapad on the couch, striding over to where Anderson and James stood.

"Seeing as I'm stuck here, might as well make the most of it," she says with a heavy dose of sarcasm, holding out her hand to shake Anderson's. Her brown eyes slide over to meet James' dumbstruck gaze, her eyebrows rising lightly when she sees the expression on his face. He clears his throat and very quickly collects himself.

"Commander, this is Lieutenant Vega. He very recently destroyed a Collector ship on Fehl Prime."

"I heard about that," the Commander smiles ever so slightly, extending her hand towards James, who slowly takes it in his own for a shake. He's surprised by the firmness of her grip- she's not exactly the most muscular woman he'd ever seen.

_This isn't real_ , he thinks to himself.  _I'm dreaming. Commander Shepard?! But she's dead! Madre, she's frikking dead!_

"Commander Shepard," she says in an authoritative voice- the voice he'd heard countless of times from the Commander Shepard VI he'd illegally downloaded for free from the extranet.

"James Vega," he says in a voice so calm and confident, he surprises even himself. "It's an honour, Commander."

"Vega here has the honour of being your guard, Shepard," Anderson informs her. Her smile immediately turns to a frown.

"A  _guard_?  _Really_ , Anderson? What, you expect me to make a run for it or something?"

"You know that's not true, Shepard," Anderson says. "This is for your own protection. You've angered an entire  _race_  by what you did back in the Viper Nebula."

"Like a Batarian would risk coming to Alliance HQ on Earth," she scowls. "They're not exactly difficult to spot in a crowd of humans, Anderson."

"We're not taking any chances, Shepard," Anderson replies. "This is for your own safety."

Shepard lets out a humourless laugh and stalks back towards the datapad on the couch.

"All right then," Anderson says. "I just wanted to introduce you two to each other. James, your room is right opposite Shepard's. Commander, just buzz the intercom if you need anything."

"You mean she's not allowed out of this place?" James asks Anderson.

"No, I'm not," Shepard replies curtly. "It wouldn't be called 'house arrest' if I were, would it?"

" _Dios_ …" James shakes his head and looks at the Commander. He still can't believe what his eyes are seeing, but he also can't help but feel sorry for the Commander. She saved the galaxy from a reaper attack by blowing up that relay, and  _this_  is how they thank her?

"We'll leave you now, Commander," Anderson says. "Don't take this too hard, Shepard," he says in a softer voice when he sees the furious expression on her freckled face. "You know that this is just protocol to appease the Batarians."

"I'll be fine, Anderson," she replies in a hard tone.

"I know you will," the Admiral replies in an affectionate tone that takes James by surprise. "Like I said, just buzz if you need anything. James is right opposite you."

"Uh-huh," she nods once without looking away from the datapad.

_Still mad. She's got a temper, that one_.

Anderson then beckons James out of the apartment.

" _Really_ , Admiral?" James says as soon as they're out. "Commander  _Shepard_? I thought she was dead! The entire _galaxy_  thought she was dead!"

"The news of her death was a bit… premature," Anderson replies.

"I'll say! The woman's right there, reading a datapad!"

"Guard her well, Lieutenant," Anderson says gravely. "I know she's not the first person you'd think would need guarding, but in there, she's helpless. No weapons, no armor, no nothing."

"I will, Sir," James salutes.

"Good," Anderson nods and returns the salute. "Now go look around your new crib. I'm sure you'll find it a bit more pleasant than that pigsty you called home in Omega," he smiles.

"Aye, aye, Sir," James grins and eagerly heads over to his new apartment.

After a quick sweep through the place ( _dios, there's a Jacuzzi!_ ), James flings his backpack in the bedroom and lies on his stomach on the bed, pulling out the Normandy badge from his pocket.

_How in hell did this happen?_

One moment, he's grieving his role model's death, and the other, he's living right opposite her, assigned the position of her personal guard while she's under house arrest for blowing up an entire frikking  _system_.

He laughs to himself and twirls the badge around, shaking his head as he watches the Normandy gleam.

_Why am I surprised?_  he thinks to himself.  _I mean, who else would blow up a mass relay and an entire system and live to tell the tale?_


	2. Lola

_Lola_

_Yep. She's definitely a Lola_.

James always had a thing for nicknames. He'd look at a person, a name pops into his mind, and that's how he'll continue to refer to them, completely ignoring the fact that said person actually has a name of their own.

In Commander Shepard's case, turns out she's a Lola.

_But I'm not going to tell her that_ , James thinks as he watches the Commander intently reading yet another datapad by the balcony.  _Not yet, anyway_.

It's his first day on the job, and the Commander called him into her apartment for a "proper introduction session", as she very professionally put it in her message to him that morning.

"Something on your mind, Lieutenant?" the Commander asks without looking up from the datapad in her hands.

_Eyes on the side of your head, Lola?_

"You could say that, yeah," James replies in a smooth voice.

"All right," she says, "Let's hear it."

_Straight to business with you, Lola, eh?_

"Well…" he looks down at his hands on the black marble coffee table. "How do I put this?" he scratches his head as the wheels in his mind turn.

"Put it exactly as it is in your head," she says, moving to take a seat on the couch opposite him.

"Hah, you're gonna regret ever telling me that, Lo- I mean, Commander."

"Try me," she challenges him with a little smirk.

He smiles at her and briefly considers his words before saying them out loud.

"How could the entire galaxy think you were dead for two whole years when you weren't?" he finally asks.

"Easy," she shrugs nonchalantly. "I  _was_  dead, Lieutenant."

James just stares at her blankly, feeling utterly stunned.

"Could you… elaborate on that, Commander?"

She lets out a dark laugh and nods, sinking in deeper into the couch to make herself comfortable.

"When you're thrust into space after your ship disintegrates, you're really not left with much of a choice other than kicking the bucket," she says in a matter-of-fact way.

"Pretty much, yeah," James nods. "Except, here you are, sitting across from me, alive and well."

"Yeah," she lets out that same humourless laugh and nods. "I got lucky, apparently."

"Clearly," James says. "Not many people actually die and manage to come back to tell the tale. But you're the exception."

"Like I said," she smiles, "I got lucky."

"Time to drop the topic, Commander?" James asks, sensing that she'd rather not go into explanations right now.

She squints her eyes ever so slightly as she ponders something.

"No," she finally says. "No, I can talk about it. No problem."

"I'm all ears, then," James says, stretching his legs out and relaxing back into the couch.

She reaches into one of the pockets in her fatigues and pulls out a cigarette pack and a lighter.

"Never knew you smoke, Commander," James comments as he watches her.

"I don't," she responds with a cigarette between her teeth. Confused, James continues to observe as she lights it up, and, without taking a drag, carefully places it on the crystal ashtray on the coffee table before her. She smiles when she sees James' raised eyebrows.

"Mom used to smoke when I was younger," she explains. "She quit now, thank god, but the smell of a lit cigarette reminds me of my childhood." Her eyes drift towards the gigantic balcony glass overlooking the city. "Of easier times…"

James patiently waits until she pulls herself out of her deep reverie. While he waits, he watches her; he can't help it. This woman—this hero- was presumed  _dead_  for  _two years_  until yesterday. He mourned her death, attended her memorial, wore a badge as a constant reminder of who and what she was to him, and now here she is, inhaling the smoke wafting from the cigarette on the ashtray, conducting a "let's get to know each other better" session with one of her biggest admirers, who also miraculously happens to be her personal guard.

"So you just light 'em up and let them burn out?" James finally asks when her brown eyes meet his gaze.

"What?" she blinks.

"The cigarettes," he clarifies.

"Oh," she looks down at the now much shorter cigarette and smiles. "Yeah," she says affectionately.

"Not the safest way to reminisce," James grins.

She laughs lightly.

"I'll say. There was this one time when I was on the Normandy… I lit up a cigarette and let it burn out just like this one on my bedside table. It rolled onto the bed and nearly set Kai—umm, a friend of mine on fire," she finishes awkwardly.

"Dios!" James laughs and pretends that he didn't notice her sudden discomfort and the name she nearly let slip, "And you're still lighting them up after that? What, you wanna set your new personal guard on fire too, señora?"

She smiles back in response, but the discomfort is still evident on her face.

"Anyway, you were telling me how you came back from the dead?" James prompts in an attempt to change the subject.

"Oh yeah," she grins slightly. "My 'resurrection'." She stands up and cracks her knuckles. "Want something to drink first?"

"Sure," James shrugs. "Whatchoo got?"

"Beer, some Canadian lager, whiskey… Red Bull?" she opens the fridge door and squats down to look at its contents.

"I'll go with some good ol' beer, thanks," he says.

"Coming right up." She pulls two bottles of beer from the lower shelf and brings them over to where they were sitting.

"Thanks," James says as he extends his hand to take his drink. He pulls open the cap with his teeth and takes a long swig.

"Ever heard of the Shadow Broker?" the Commander asks.

"Yeah, 'course," James nods.

"He was the one who found me. Well, my corpse." She pauses to take a swig of her beer and licks her full lips before continuing. "He wanted to hand my body over to the Collectors."

"WHAT?!" James would've choked if he'd been drinking when she said that. "The  _Collectors_  wanted your body?"

"Apparently," she nods. "Wanted to turn me into some sort of slave or something. I dunno. Anyway, one of the Broker's agents turned rogue and helped a good friend of mine take my body instead."

"Wow… must feel weird knowing your body was being passed around from person to person, huh?" James asks, rubbing the back of his neck.

"Yeah, I guess," the Commander shrugs.

_Nothing fazes you, Lola_.

"So, what did your friend do with your body?"

The Commander takes another swig.

"Cerberus told her that they would bring me back if she handed me over to them. So she did. And here I am," she finishes this incredible tale as dryly as someone who was reading out a math equation.

" _Madre_ …" James sets down his beer and rubs his face with his hands. "So let me get this straight: you died, the Shadow Broker wanted to sell your corpse to the Collectors, you were stolen from right under the Broker's nose, and your friend hands you over to Cerberus to literally bring you back from the  _dead_?"

"Pretty much," she shrugs.

"So, what did Cerberus do? How long did it take? How on earth did they even manage to do it?"

"A lotta credits and resources, James," she answers. "The Illusive Man spent over 4 billion credits to bring me back. And it took two whole years to do it. That's why I was presumed dead for two years: I actually was."

"Then you wake up as good as new, successfully go through the Omega 4 Relay when no one else could do it and send the Collectors back to hell," James shakes his head in a mixture of disbelief and awe.

"You know about that?"

"Anderson told me about it after introducing me to you yesterday," James explains. "You know, Commander, the things you do, there were times when I doubted you were human," James laughs. "Now, I  _know_  you're not."

"I'll take that as a compliment, James," she grins and finishes her beer. "And call me Shepard. I've been officially stripped of my title as Commander."

" _What_?" This time, James actually does choke on his beer. "Why the hell would they do that?!"

"Blowing up a mass relay and destroying an entire system isn't something that's taken lightly, James," Shepard says. "I… I understand where they're coming from. Anderson tells me it's temporary, but I don't know…"

"It'd better be temporary!"

Shepard smiles weakly and lets out a low sigh.

"I think I'll take a nap," she finally says.

"Sure." James immediately stands up to leave. "Want me to throw these on my way out?" he points at the two empty beer bottles.

"Nah, I'll take care of it," she smiles.

"'Kay. Just buzz or message me if you need anything. I might head off to the gym for an hour or so, so a message would probably be better."

"If I need anything, I'll let you know," Shepard says.

"Okay. Sleep well, Commander."

"Shepard," she corrects him.

"You'll always be Commander Shepard to me, ma'am," James responds.

Her smile widens, but it doesn't reach her tired eyes.

"Thanks, Lieutenant. I'll see you soon."

"Later, Commander."

"And Lieutenant?"

"Yes, Commander?"

"Thanks for the talk."

James smiles warmly back at her.

"Anytime, Commander."

He gives her a salute before turning and leaving her apartment.

_Lola._

_Yep._

_She's definitely a Lola._


	3. Cards

You wouldn't be able to tell just by looking at him, but James Vega is a very observant person. Over the first month as Commander Shepard's personal guard, he's learned quite a few things about her.

He learned that the Commander (or Lola, as he refers to her in his mind) is very fidgety, especially when she's annoyed or uncomfortable. She also has the common habit of biting her nails. She never drinks more than one glass of wine or one bottle of beer in a row. She doesn't have much of a sweet tooth and has a weakness for a good ol' fashioned burger or steak sandwich.

She loves to read while listening to classical music—Mozart, Beethoven, Chopin, Bach… all the greats that James never really listened to or appreciated. Right now, she's reading ' _Strategies of Galactic Warfare_ _'_. She follows a very rigorous and dedicated daily workout routine of weight-lifting and cardio ("don't wanna get fat while I'm trapped here", she told a very impressed James as he watched her doing some serious pull-ups in the private little gym area in her flat).

She's really into action and thriller movies but can't stand romantic comedies and chick flicks.

Oh yeah, and she can  _sing_.

James certainly didn't expect that. Lola's not exactly the kind of person who you'd look at and talk to and think " _singer!_ "

But then again, if James has learnt anything about the Commander in his one month with her, it's that she is the most unpredictable person he's ever had the fortune to meet.

The first time he discovered her hidden talent, he was just about to knock on her apartment door when he heard an incredibly rich and beautiful voice drifting out from within. He paused and listened intently, half-convinced that it was a song playing from a radio or something.

_But songs are usually cantata, right? With music in the background?_  he thought to himself.  _This is… a cappella_.  _And damn good a cappella too_.

His eyes quickly swept the corridor and, when he saw that it was deserted, he very carefully pressed his ear against the door and listened. He couldn't recognise the lyrics, but it was a love song. That fact, apart from the fact that she could sing, surprised him; Commander Shepard wasn't an emotional person. At least not openly. He never thought of her as the romantic type, but there she was, being her typical unpredictable self and singing a love song in a beautiful alto voice.

_Madre. What am I doing, listening in by her door like this?_

He initially wanted to drop by to pass on some hand-written fan mail. After hearing her singing a love song in that enchanting voice, however, he suddenly felt like taking a cold shower.

That wasn't the last time the Commander made James feel like taking a cold shower. As the weeks passed by, he began noticing other things about her;  _physical_  things. Like how soft and full her lips are, the way her hips move when she walks, how delicate and slim her waist looks in her dress blues (which she wears out of habit, she tells him), the soft swell of her round breasts under the thin fabric of her shirt. There was this one time when she accidentally brushed her fingers against his as she passed him the datapad she was reading to look over a report. She didn't seem affected by that in the slightest, but the touch sent a tremor through James' body. His green eyes immediately shot up to see whether she noticed his reaction, but she had her back turned to him as she gazed out at the city through the balcony glass.

She did that a lot, too.

Sometimes, she'd just stand there for several minutes on end, staring out at the skyscrapers and vehicles zooming by the cloudy Vancouver sky, completely oblivious to the fact that her personal guard was admiring her when he was supposed to solely focus on throttling any escape attempt.

She always seemed so distant. Even though she'd chat and smile and occasionally tease, James could always tell that her mind was elsewhere. He could see it in her brown eyes. They were always what gave her away; she was incredibly proficient at maintaining a stoic expression on her lightly freckled face, but her eyes betrayed her. He could see frustration within them, sometimes anger. Even sadness. He wished he could crack open that hard, stubborn, and seemingly impenetrable shell she protected herself with. He wished she'd just let him in to help her carry the heavy burdens and anxious thoughts she harboured.

That's it. There was no denying it:

James Vega was falling for the Commander.

* * *

"You all right, Vega?"

"Yeah, Commander. 'Course."

"You sure?" Shepard asks, critically eyeing James over the playing cards in her hands. "You look kinda tired. Personal guard duty wearin' you out?" she grins.

James laughs as he eyes his own cards, carefully avoiding the Commander's intense gaze.

"It's not as easy as it looks, guarding you," he grins. "Playing cards, eating home cooked meals for free… tires a guy out, you know?"

"I thought you hate my cooking," Shepard says with a raised eyebrow.

"Better than the crap they got down in the cafeteria," James pulls a face.

"Hah," Shepard says dryly. "Thanks."

"Anytime, Commander," James smiles. He chances a glance at her.

She doesn't buy it. Her expression clearly says so. Nevertheless, she lets it drop and turns her attention back to the game.

What was he supposed to tell her? That he couldn't sleep because he couldn't stop thinking about her? That he fantasises about being called into her apartment, the apartment so painfully close to his own, to keep her company in the dead of night? That he wants  _nothing_  more than to hold her and feel the warmth of her soft, full lips against his?

_Yeah. I think I'll stick to the evasive answers for now_.

"You keeping winnin' like this and I'm gonna have to start  _paying_  you to guard me, Vega," Shepard says when she loses the third poker game in a row.

James laughs as he gathers the scattered cards together from across the coffee table.

"What can I say, Commander? You may be the Saviour of the Citadel and Vanquisher of the Collectors, but when it comes to cards, you really can't look any further than Lieutenant Vega."

"You always this smug about winning?"

"You always this sore about losing?" he grins mockingly.

"Oh, touché, Lieutenant," she smiles crookedly. That's one more thing he loves about her: her endearingly crooked smile.

"Another game?" he asks as he neatly places the deck of cards on the table.

"Yeah. In your dreams, maybe," she huffs.

_Huh. You have no idea, Lola_.

"Another beer?" she asks as she takes the empty bottle from his side of the table.

"Si, compadre."

He sits back in the couch and tries his best not to turn around and watch the slight sway of her hips as she walks away. He almost fails to resist the urge when something at the far end of the living room catches his eye.

It's a picture frame; the only one on the mantelpiece beside a clock.

He turns around to check on Shepard. When he sees that she's still rummaging around in the fridge, he moves to the very edge of the couch and leans forward, squinting his eyes to get a clearer view of the person in the frame.

James' eyes grow wide.

It's that guy.

That lieutenant.

The one who used to serve aboard the Normandy SR-1 with the Commander. The one who looked absolutely  _distraught_  at her memorial over two years ago.

_Lieutenant Alenko_.

James' world comes crashing down on him.  _Hard_.

"Here you go, Lieutenant," he distantly hears Shepard say on his right. He blinks rapidly and looks up at her holding out a cold beer for him to take.

"Uhh, thanks, Commander, but I should get going," he murmurs, quickly standing up and ignoring her outstretched arm.

"Everything okay, James?" Shepard asks, her brow furrowed as she slowly brings her arm back down to rest at her side, the cold beer still in her hand.

"Yeah," he nods, side-stepping her and beginning to back away. "Just remembered that I have to call my Madre. Check up on her and whatnot, you know how it is."

"Of course," she nods. "Wanna take your beer anyway? You did just win three games of cards in a row," she adds with a little smile.

"Save it for the next time I win," he manages to joke.

"All right," she shrugs.

"Later, Commander."

"Later, Lieutenant."

He maintains a calm and cool façade until he slowly shuts the door behind him.

_Fuck!_  he curses himself as he unlocks his apartment door.  _How did I not see that? How the fuck did I miss that?_

He slams the door shut behind him and just stands there by the entrance, fists balled at his sides.

_What the fuck was I thinking, anyway? Did I seriously believe that she and I could have something? Commander fucking_ _**Shepard** _ _and a nobody like me?_

_Snap out of it, Vega. Do yourself a fucking favour and snap the fuck out. Of. It._

_Alenko's the one she wants._

_Alenko's the one who brings sadness to her beautiful eyes._

_Alenko's the one in her thoughts as she gazes out at the city._

_It's Alenko._

 


	4. Pizza

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Mom made some pizza today, hence this little piece. Weird, right? I know.

" _Lieutenant! Come in, Lieutenant!"_ A deep male voice yells into James' ear.

"I hear you, Captain Toni!"

" _Lieutenant! Lieutenant Vega! Damn!_ " the voice sounds desperate. Frightened.

"I hear you, Captain! What's your position?" James yells frantically. "Captain?"

" _James? James, are you there?_ " the desperate male voice is now a calm, deep female one.

_Huh?_

"Commander?"

" _You asleep, Vega?"_

_No, I-_

" _Shit, you're asleep."_

_No, wait!_

James' green eyes suddenly fly open to find himself in complete darkness.

_What the…?_

He sits up straight and rubs his eyes as he tries to make sense of what just happened. He notices a red light emanating from his bedside table.

_The intercom_.

As though he'd been shocked by an electric pulse, James jumps and immediately presses the button on the intercom, his heart pounding against his ribs.

"Commander?" James asks in a frantic voice. "Commander, are you there?"

_Fuck! What if something happened to her?_

He very nearly springs out of bed when he hears the Commander's calm voice speak via the intercom.

"Did I wake you?" she asks with a hint of guilt in her voice.

James instantly relaxes when he hears her.

"No-I mean yeah- I mean, is something wrong?"

"Shit, I'm sorry," she mutters. "I was just checking in to see if you're awake. Didn't realise it was three in the morning."

James smiles at the intercom. Hearing her soothing voice while he's in bed in almost pitch black darkness is proving to be kind of… arousing.

"It's fine, compadre," he says. "What's the point of a personal guard if you can't bother him in the middle of the night, eh?"

"Guess so," she chuckles quietly.

"Anyway, was there a reason for interrupting my beauty sleep?"

"Yeah, there was. Although, now that I think about it, it seems really… stupid."

James' grin widens.

"I'm good with stupid," he says. His response earns him another light chuckle, intensifying his arousal.

_Great, now the Commander's bodiless voice is turning me on_.  _Smooth, Vega. Fucking smooth_.

"I'll take your word for it." He can hear the smile in her voice. "I umm… I'm not exactly allowed to contact anyone outside the Alliance-conditions of my imprisonment—but I'm  _really_ craving a pizza right now, so I was wondering whether my personal guard could be nice enough to place an order for one and bring it over?"

James can't help it; he bursts into a fit of laughter, shaking his head at the red light representing the Commander on the intercom.

"'Course, Lo- Commander, anything you want," he grins.

"Thanks," she says appreciatively. "I want a large Margherita with extra cheese and a cheese-stuffed crust."

"What kinda cheese?"

"Mozzarella."

"Mmm, my favourite," James smiles.

"Mine too."

_At least we got_ one _thing in common._

"Okay, compadre. I'll make an order straight away."

"Thanks, Lieutenant," she repeats gratefully. "I'll be waiting."

As innocent as she intended that final sentence to be, it made James react in a way that was anything  _but_  innocent. He activates his omni-tool and places an order with Domino's Pizza. He then stretches, gets up, stretches again, yawns, and shuffles off towards the bathroom to wash his face.

He splashes cold water onto his face and stares at his reflection in the mirror.

He couldn't even count the number of times he's dreamed of being woken up by her in the middle of the night. And now, it's actually happening, although his fantasies didn't exactly involve ordering pizza at three in the morning.

He heads back to his bedroom and turns on the vidscreen to take his mind off her. After two entire months of practice, he's been getting pretty good at it. When she's not within eyesight or earshot, that is. The memory of her tantalising voice in pitch black darkness is still too clear in his mind, however, which is making the task of focusing on the galactic news a lot more difficult than it ought to be.

His omni-tool buzzes and makes him jump nearly a foot into the air. It's Domino's. He puts on a t-shirt and track pants and heads down to the reception. After paying the delivery guy and heading back to the elevator, his heart starts pounding as he realises that he's about to knock on the Commander's door and possibly see her in her nightgown. Or maybe just a _robe_. With only her  _underwear_  underneath.

_Dios, you are such a fucking pervert, Vega_.

He arrives at her apartment and takes a deep breath before balancing the pizza box in one hand and lightly knocking on her door.

_Relax, pendejo. You're only the pizza delivery guy, nothing to get nervous abou-_

"Finally!"

It takes nearly every single ounce of self-control within him to stop his mouth from falling open.

She's wearing a regular, slightly baggy navy blue Alliance t-shirt and very comfortable-looking grey shorts.

_Shorts_.

That end halfway down her  _flawless_  thighs.

"Uhh… Earth to Vega?" the Commander waves her hand before James' face. "You there, Lieutenant?"

"Uhh, yeah," he immediately says, handing her the hot pizza box. "I think I'm still half-asleep. Not used to making pizza deliveries at four in the morning," he grins.

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that," she winces, taking the box from his hands. "I just didn't know who else to call."

"No stress, Commander," James shrugs. "Just let me know if you need anything else." He nods at her and turns to leave.

"Wait."

He pauses, the sound of his heartbeat loud in his ears.

"Since I very rudely woke you up for my own selfish cravings, do you wanna come in for a while and help me devour this thing?"

James can't believe his ears.

Or his eyes.

There she was, his Lola, innocently standing by her doorway with a pizza box in her hands, dressed in the most casual and tomboyish outfit imaginable and still managing to look  _sexier_ than anything the Lieutenant had ever seen before, and she's inviting him into her place for  _pizza_? At _four in the morning_?

"You sure?" he asks, voicing his disbelief.

"Yeah," she smiles and stands aside. "Come on in."

James hesitates for a second before slowly stepping into her dimly lit hallway. The news is playing on the vidscreen in the living room, but it's muted. A couple of PDAs are strewn across one of the couches, and an empty coffee mug is sitting on the coffee table.

"Do you ever sleep, Lola?" he asks, waiting for her to pass by him into the living room.

"Lola?" she raises a dark eyebrow.

"Commander. Sorry. Half asleep, remember?"

She smiles as she places the pizza on the coffee table.

"It's a rarity, but it happens," she responds to his original question. "Mmmmm… this smells  _so good!_ "

The way her voice sounded when she said that… and those  _legs_ …

_Get your shit together, Vega. You can't hide shit behind these track pants_.

"Actually, wanna sit outside in the balcony?" Shepard asks, standing up straight and gazing out at the view. "Weather's pretty nice and warm out there."

"Sure, compadre, whatever you want," James shrugs. He follows her out to the balcony, shamelessly checking her out as she leads the way.

"Oh shoot, I forgot the beer," she says after setting down the pizza on the round glass table. "Be right back."

He watches her jog back into the kitchen, admiring the movement of her defined thigh and calf muscles way, _way_  too much.

_Damn, Lola. Damn_.

He can't see the  _other_  Lieutenant's photo through the reflective balcony glass, but he knows it's in there, readily available for her to look at and admire. After a bit of snooping around, James learned that Lieutenant Alenko—now  _Major_  Alenko—is off-planet on duty, which explains why he's never seen him visit the Commander.

_Lucky pendejo_.

"Back," Shepard announces, clutching two bottles of beer in one hand as she slides the balcony door shut with the other.

"'Bout time!" James exclaims, rubbing his hands together. "Pizza's getting cold."

She smiles as she places the bottles on the table and takes the seat opposite him.

"All right," she says, rubbing her hands together too. "Dig in!"

James waits until she takes the first slice before he takes his own.

"Oh my god," she moans after the first bite. "This. Is.  _Heaven_."

James was never more thankful than he is at this moment for being able to hide the incriminating evidence of his arousal under the table.

_Shit. It's like she's doing it on_ purpose.

This is  _torture_. She's  _torturing_  him without even knowing it and he just  _can't get enough_. It's like he's a masochist; he  _knows_  he'll never be with her, he  _knows_  that she belongs to someone else, but he just  _can't_  stop coming back for more of whatever it is she does to him.

"What do you think, Lieutenant?" she asks after a swig of beer.

_I think you're beautiful_.

"Delicious," he responds through a mouthful of pizza. "Now I'm actually kinda glad you woke me up."

_Kinda glad? That's the understatement of the century, right there_.

She smiles and silently eats her second slice as she gazes out at the navy blue sky.

"How's your family?" she finally asks.

"Good. Ma's starting this new diet she recently came across. She's really excited about that."

Shepard's dark eyes slide over to meet James', and she smiles.

"No girlfriend waiting for you, Lieutenant?" she asks casually.

He ignores the fact that his heart practically stopped in his chest.

"Nope," he replies calmly. "Well… there was this asari chick that I met back on Fehl Prime, but… it didn't work out between us."

"Sorry to hear that."

"Nah, it's all right. We were too different anyway," James shrugs. He pauses for a moment before asking, "What about you? Any family of your own?"

"Yeah. My mom's Captain of the SSV Orizaba. She's trying to come back here to see me, but her duties keep getting in the way, unfortunately."

"Hmmm."

_Go on, James._

_You can do it._

_She asked you the question, right? That means she's okay with it. So just go ahead and_ _**do it** _ _._

"No husband, boyfriend… girlfriend?" he finally manages to ask.

She pauses midway through chewing a bite of pizza and looks down at the table.

_Shit. Okay. Wrong call_.

_Damn it_.

"No," she finally answers in a low voice. "There  _was_  someone… but he and I… it's over."

"Oh. Well, I'm sorry to hear that, Commander."

As much as he expected that he'd fly from joy at hearing this, he actually feels  _bad_ for the Commander. The way she sounded when she answered his question… the way her eyes were immediately flooded with sadness that couldn't be concealed even when she looked down… And then there's the fact that the Major's picture is pretty much the only one in her apartment… she must really love this guy.

"Do you miss him?" he asks after a brief pause.

She looks up at the sky and watches it silently for a while.

"Yeah," she nods. "I do. He was… very special to me."

"He's a very lucky guy," James says with the utmost sincerity.

Shepard finally meets his eyes and smiles.

"I was a lucky girl," she says, her voice tinged with sadness and regret.

"Hey Commander, for what it's worth, I think you're an incredible woman, and any guy who voluntarily chooses to leave you is just loco."

She smiles again as she reaches over for a third slice.

"Thanks, James," she says. "That means a lot. It really does."

"Hey, just calling it as it is, compadre," James smiles.

"You've been a good friend to me these past couple of months, James," she smiles. "Really."

"So have you, Commander."

She raises her beer bottle and extends it towards him.

"To our friendship, Lieutenant."

James smiles and follows suit.

"To our friendship, Commander," he says, touching his bottle to hers.

And even though he sees her as much more than just a friend, this is a lot more than he could've asked for. This is a woman who is a  _hero_ , a role model to every man, woman and child in the galaxy. She was  _dead_  for two years and, just a few months ago, there were no prospects of ever getting to see her in person.

That very woman now considers him—James Vega- her  _friend_.

So, he'll take it.

For now, at least.


	5. Rivalry

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anyone who follows me on tumblr would know by now that Kaidan is the Major of my heart. So you can only imagine how difficult it was for me to get into the 'Shega' mindset without feeling like I'm cheating on my biotic lover while writing this chapter.
> 
> Kaidan baby, it's only a fanfic. Plus, the prospect of exploring a Shega romance is just way too darn attractive to resist. You'll always be my number one, Kaidan. Let's at least give James a chance in fanfic, shall we, since Bioware made the very grave mistake of not making that possible in-game (seriously, how AWESOME would that have been?)
> 
> All right, then; onwards and upwards!

"Lookin' good, tough guy."

James grunts as he does his twentieth pull-up in a row.

"You know it, Esteban," he replies, sweat dripping off his forehead and onto the parquet floor.

"It's a Friday," Lieutenant Steve Cortez says, wiping the sweat off his face with a towel. "Wanna head out for drinks later?"

"No can do, compadre," James says, doing one last pull-up before he drops down onto the floor. "Guard duty all day today."

"All right," Cortez throws the towel around his neck. "I'm off for a shower. I'll catch you later, big guy."

"Later, Esteban."

James wipes his sweat off with a towel and heads off to the weights section for forty minutes before hopping onto a free treadmill for a twenty-minute HIIT session to end his workout.

Once he's alone in the shower in the men's changing room, he closes his eyes as the hot water hits his broad shoulders, his mind automatically drifting off to thoughts of his Lola.

Six months. He's spent  _six_  entire  _months_  as her personal guard, seeing her and talking to her on a daily basis, usually for hours on end. And he was getting  _paid_  for it. Forget doing it for free, James would've  _paid_  big money for a job like this. And it just came to him. No—it  _chased_  after him while he was holed up in Omega, where he was merely  _existing_ , not living.

Now, he feels truly alive for the first time in  _years_. And he owes it all to her.

His Lola.

James smiles to himself as her freckled face drifts into his mind's eye, and he feels a warmth that only she can bring to him.

The relationship between them is still strictly platonic. She's shown no indication of any interest in anything beyond a good friendship, and James respects that completely.

_Whatever she wants_ , he always thought to himself. _That's all that matters_.

He gets out of the shower, towel-dries himself, and has a quick shave after putting his clothes on. He has a brief chat with a few marines by the lockers before heading down to his apartment for lunch. He'd long given up on the tasteless food the cafeteria had to offer. Instead, he's taken to calling his mother and his beloved abuela for some old Mexican recipes they used to cook for him as a child. His particular favourite is his abuela's huevos rancheros, which he pretty much whips up for breakfast, lunch and dinner nowadays.

Unless he's eating meals cooked by the Commander, that is.

In the six months that he's been guarding her, he noticed that her cooking has vastly improved, and he didn't hesitate in letting her know. There was this one time when she made him Paella that was so good, he questioned whether she had actually made it.

"You sure this isn't some takeaway from a Spanish restaurant, Lola?" he asked her through a mouthful of rice and prawns. The name 'Lola' slips through his lips often now, but she hasn't questioned him about it yet.

"You wound me, James," she tutted from across the little dining table in her flat. "Does that mean you approve?"

"Hell yeah!" he exclaimed. "This is amazing! You'd make an excellent house wife one day, Commander," he winked.

She chuckled halfway through a gulp of white wine.

"Yeah," she said dryly. "Me. A housewife. Right."

"Or maybe a mama, hmm?" James was still teasing, but he found himself anticipating her response.

"I don't know about that," she said, playing around with the calamari on her plate.

"Why not?" James asked, genuinely surprised at her lack of enthusiasm towards the notion. "I think you'd make a great mother, Shepard."

"You're a sweetheart, James," was her only reply.

That was the first time that James actually considered what it would be like to have children.

Someday, maybe.

With  _her_ …

It's an idea that haunted him ever since that lunch. He's not exactly ready to be a father, and he's never actually  _wanted_  children, but then again, the way he feels about the Commander… he's never really felt that way about anyone else before.

But that was for the future.

_You should probably focus on actually getting the girl first before dreaming of starting a family with her, pendejo_ , he told himself.

Back to the present, James pulls out three eggs from the fridge and nearly drops them when he hears Admiral Anderson's voice suddenly speak into his ear piece.

"James?"

"Yes, Admiral?"

"I need you to bring Shepard down to the Committee Hall. It's urgent."

"What for?" James asks, his brow furrowing in confusion.

"That's classified information, Lieutenant," the Admiral replies impatiently. "Just get her down here,  _now_."

"Yes, Sir," James says. He puts the eggs back into the fridge and immediately heads to the Commander's door. He knocks twice.

"It's open," he hears her call out.

He opens it and steps in to see her back turned to him as she gazes out at the city, a PDA held aloft in her hand. He salutes her as soon as he turns to face him when she hears his footsteps.

"Commander," he says.

"You're not supposed to call me that anymore, James," she says for what must be the thousandth time.

"Not supposed to salute you either," is his response. "We gotta go. The defence committee wants to see you."

"Sounds important," she says curiously. She throws the PDA onto a couch and follows him out into the corridor towards the elevators.

"What's going on?" she asks when they reach the top floor.

"Couldn't say," he replies. "Just told me they needed you.  _Now_."

They see Admiral Anderson hastily walking towards them. Shepard smiles when she spots him.

"Anderson," she says in a friendly tone.

"Admiral," James salutes him.

"You look good, Shepard," Anderson says, shaking her hand before they start walking. "Maybe a little soft around the edges," he pats her midsection affectionately. James smiles when she looks down and pats her stomach too.

"How're you holding up since being relieved from duty?" Anderson asks her.

"It's not so bad once you get used to the hot food and soft beds," she replies with sarcasm.

"We'll get it sorted out," Anderson says as he urgently pushes through other Alliance personnel.

"What's going on?" Shepard asks. "Why's everyone in such a hurry?"

"Admiral Hackett's mobilising the fleets," Anderson responds. "I'm guessing word's made it to Alliance command. Something big is headed our way."

Shepard stops right before a flight of steps.

"The reapers?" she asks.

Anderson pauses halfway through the steps and turns to face her.

"We don't know," he replies, shaking his head. "Not for certain."

"What else could it be?" she frowns.

"If I knew that…" Anderson says.

"It's the reapers," Shepard says with certainty. "And we're not ready for them. Not by a long shot."

"Tell that to the defence committee," Anderson says, turning back to head up the steps.

"Yeah well, unless we're planning to talk the reapers to death, the committee is a waste of time," Shepard says angrily as she follows Anderson onto the landing.

"They're just scared," Anderson says. "None of them have seen what you've seen. We've all reviewed your reports and the data you've collected, but it's all just theory to us. You've been there in the trenches, fighting them. You know what they're capable of."

"That why they grounded me?" Shepard asks, her voice dripping with anger. James had never heard her sound so bitter. "Took away my ship?"

Anderson stops and faces her.

"You know that's not true," he tells her. "The shit you've done, any other soldier would've been tried, court marshalled and discharged. It's your knowledge of the reapers that kept that from happening."

"That, and your good word?" she asks, softening a bit.

"Yeah," Anderson says. "I trust you, Shepard. And so does the Committee."

"I'm just a soldier, Anderson. I'm no politician."

_Just a soldier?_  James thinks as he watches them, his arms crossed across his wide chest.  _I don't think so, Lola_.

"I don't need you to be either," Anderson says, resuming his hasty walk towards the Committee Hall. "I just need you to do whatever the hell it takes to help us stop the reapers."

An Officer with short brown hair meets the Commander and the Admiral when they arrive at the greeting desk and escorts them to the Hall.

"Good luck in there, Shepard," James says, watching her walk on with the Admiral and wanting nothing more than to go in there with her. His heart skips a beat when she stops, turns around, and walks towards him to shake his hand. He feels that familiar electric surge go through him under her warm touch.

"Thanks, James," she smiles, though her eyes look hard and frustrated.

"Don't bite off anyone's head in there," he jokes.

"No promises," she replies bitterly.

"Anderson," a new, husky and unfamiliar male voice calls out. James' eyes slide up, his stomach falling all the way to his feet when he realises who the voice belongs to.

_Major Alenko_.

"Shepard," the Major says, looking directly at Shepard's back. The Commander instantly turns around to face her former lover.

"Kaidan," she says, her voice noticeably softer and filled with surprise. Their eyes meet, and they just look at each other in silence for what seems like  _ages_  to James, even though they were really just a few seconds. She immediately walks to Anderson's side, stopping right before Kaidan. James follows suit, but he maintains a respectful distance between them.

"How'd it go in there, Major?" Anderson asks.

"Okay, I think," Kaidan replies with uncertainty. "Hard to know. I'm just waiting for orders now."

"Major?" Shepard echoes in even more surprise.

"You hadn't heard?" Anderson asks her.

"No, I hadn't," she says.

"Sorry, Shepard," Kaidan replies, turning his body to face hers. "It's been..." he looks down, his expression pained.  _Guilty_. "Well..."

"That's okay," she says in that soft voice again. "Just glad I bumped into you, Kaidan."

"Yeah," the Major replies, a smile starting to form on his handsome face. "Me too."

James is only vaguely aware of the fingernails digging into his clenched fists as he watches the two of them together.

"Admiral," the woman with the cropped brown hair prompts.

"Come on," Anderson tells Shepard before following the Alliance Officer into the Committee Hall.

James watches as Major Alenko steps aside and nods at Shepard with a smile on his face, watching her pass him by. He fights the almost irresistible urge to punch the Major when he realises that he watches Shepard until she disappears into the Committee Hall.

"You know the Commander?" James asks. He doesn't know why he asks him. Maybe he just wanted to hear confirmation from the man himself. See if he still cared.

The Major turns to briefly look at James before looking back at the double-doors Shepard disappeared through a few moments ago.

"I used to," he replies, his raspy voice tinged with sadness. He just stares at the doors for a while before lightly shaking his head and turning back towards James.

"Do you?"

"Yeah," James responds.

"How?" Kaidan asks, folding his arms across his chest. James smiles when he realises that the Major sounds…  _jealous_.

"Admiral Anderson appointed me as her personal guard six months ago," he replies. "Been guarding her ever since."

"Huh," is the Major's response, his amber eyes sizing up the younger Lieutenant. "I see."

James nods once and looks away, feeling positively smug.

The Major obviously feels threatened by the Lieutenant, and for the first time since learning about Kaidan's relationship with the Commander, James feels like he might actually stand a chance.

It all comes down to Lola.

_Whatever she wants. That's all that matters_.

 


	6. Separation

He's daydreaming and leaning against the wall when it happens.

His head perks up, his green eyes immediately flitting over to the Major, who's standing across from him. James can tell from the startled expression in Kaidan's eyes that he felt it too.

A light rumble beneath their feet, like the beginnings of an earthquake.

"What was that?" Kaidan asks.

"No idea-"

James is thrown off his feet and flung against a faraway wall when a red beam suddenly slices through the building, causing a violent explosion. He feels a searing pain when his head hits hard against the wall, his vision going white as his body slumps down onto the floor.

Wincing, he squeezes his eyes shut to regain his vision. After a few seconds, he can finally see again, although his surroundings are blurry.

"Lieutenant!" he hears Kaidan's frantic voice shout from a distance. "Lieutenant, get up!"

James squeezes his eyes shut again before opening them to see Kaidan's worried face swimming before him. The Major's crouching over him, trying to pull him up.

"Shit, that doesn't look too good," he says when he sees the bump on the back of James' head. "Hang on. I've got medi-gel."

He fumbles with his omni-tool and applies some medi-gel to the injury. James instantly feels better.

"Thanks," he mumbles as he allows Kaidan to help him get back on his feet. He winces again as he gingerly touches the bump on his head.

Everything suddenly freezes.

Time.

His breathing.

His heart.

"Shepard!" James yells out, immediately starting to make his way back to the destruction. "Commander!"

"Where the hell do you think you're going?" Kaidan yells angrily, grabbing James by the arm to pull him back. "We've gotta get out of here, Lieutenant, the place is falling apart!"

"Get off me!" James roars, attempting to yank his arm out of the Major's grasp, but he's still a bit dizzy and Kaidan's a lot stronger than he looks.

"We've gotta get out of here, Lieutenant," Kaidan repeats in a steady, authoritative voice. "The Commander was with Anderson. I'll radio in and check in on them as soon as we're out of here."

James helplessly stares at the fire and rubble blocking the collapsed double-doors leading to the Committee Hall, his chest heaving.

"Come on!" Kaidan yells. James nods and follows Kaidan through the opening cut through the walls by the beam.

_Focus_ , James tells himself.  _She's fine. She's Commander Shepard and she's_ **fine**.

The two men run through the destruction, passing by numerous dead bodies, some of which had familiar faces.

"There! I see an opening!" James yells. They sprint towards a vast hole that leads to the building's exterior. What they see when they're out there makes both men freeze in horror.

Reapers.

More than half a dozen of them, stretching across the now battered city.

"Dios…" James whispers, staring at the sight before him.

"Yeah…" Kaidan whispers back. He suddenly jumps when he hears a voice speak into his ear piece.

"This is Admiral Anderson. Report in, anyone."

"Anderson!" Kaidan exclaims. James starts, ripping his focus away from the reapers. "This is Major Alenko," Kaidan says. "I'm here with Lieutenant Vega."

"What's your status?" Anderson asks.

"We're on an opening," Kaidan replies, motioning to James to follow him. "I think it leads to the roof. Where's Shepard? Is she okay?"

"She's fine," Anderson replies. "Barely a scratch."

"Oh, thank god," Kaidan sighs, looking over at James and nodding.

_Thank you, Dios_ , James closes his eyes and repeats over and over in his mind.  _Thank you._

"I can't reach the Normandy," Anderson says. "You'll have to contact them. We'll meet you at the landing zone. Anderson out."

Kaidan nods and breaks into a sprint, with James right at his heels.

"Come in, Normandy, this is Major Alenko."

"Kaidan?" Joker's voice rings into both of the men's ear pieces.

"Joker!" Kaidan's voice is filled to the brim with relief. "Thank god!"

"Long time no speak, Major Alenko," Joker says in his usual easy manner. "Just send in your co-ordinates and I'll pick you guys up." James, who is privy to the conversation, immediately activates his omni-tool and sends the co-ordinates.

"Done," James says. He spots something moving rapidly from the corner of his eye.

"Fuck! What the fuck are those?!" he shouts, pulling out his pistol and pointing it at a group of electric-blue creatures climbing up the side of the building and running at them. He starts shooting at them before Kaidan has a chance to respond.

"Husks," Kaidan says with disgust. "Joker, we've got reaper forces closing in on us. You've gotta hurry so we can get to Shepard and Anderson!"

"Roger that, Major. Zeroing in on your location now."

"A little help here, Major?" James yells over his shoulder as he shoots at a seemingly never-ending wave of husks. Kaidan immediately points his pistol and starts shooting at the electric blue creatures, his eyes anxiously glancing at the sky for any sign of the Normandy.

"Fuck! These things don't end!" James exclaims, attempting to shoot at a husk while simultaneously shaking one off of his back. Kaidan shoots it off him, earning him a reluctant "thanks" from the Lieutenant.

Suddenly, their surrounding grow dark. They both immediately look up, and their eyes are greeted with the most welcome sight either of them has seen since this disaster struck.

"That was quick!" James yells over the ship's deafening roar as it quickly approaches them.

They both sprint towards the Normandy's shuttle bay entrance and jump on as three armed crewmen appear on the ship's ledge and shoot at the remaining reaper forces.

"Major Alenko." It's Anderson again. "We're inside of a spaceport. ETA three minutes!"

"We made it to the Normandy!" Kaidan replies, dodging a shot from a new brand of reaper forces that look eerily like a mutated batarian. "Taking heavy fire! Oh god!"

They're all thrown off their feet and roll deep into the shuttle bay as the Normandy dodges another reaper beam.

"We gotta take down the dreadnought!" Kaidan yells to the Admiral as he tries to stable himself against the weapon bench. "Evasive manoeuvres!"

They all brace themselves as Joker pulls some crazy manoeuvres to dodge the reaper's relentless beams.

"Normandy!" Anderson says. "We're going to reroute. Do you copy?"

"I'm losing your signal!" Kaidan responds. "Admiral? Anderson?  _Shit_!" he punches the weapons bench in frustration.

"What happened?" James asks, fear creeping through him as his mind immediately jumps to Shepard.

"I lost their signal," Kaidan says, shaking his head, his expression desperate.

"Shit!" James echoes, punching his fist through the air.

"Normandy, this is Anderson. Do you read?"

James lets out a loud sigh of relief when he hears the Admiral's voice in his ear.

"Admiral!" Kaidan gives James the thumbs up. "What's your location?"

"By a downed gunship at the harbour," Anderson responds. "I'm activating its distress beacon. Send support; we've got wounded out here."

"Roger that, Sir," Kaidan says. "We're coming in. Hold on." Kaidan walks over to the intercom and contacts the bridge.

"Joker, d'you get that?"

"Yep. I got the distress beacon's signal. We're going in right now."

"Great!"

"You guys better hold on," Joker's voice blares over the intercom. "This is gonna be one bumpy ride!"

James barely grabs onto the armor locker before his feet nearly give way under him as the Normandy pulls into yet another insane manoeuvre.

"I see them!" Joker exclaims. He brings in the Normandy close to the gunship and opens the shuttle bay door."The Cavalry has arrived," he announces as he aims missiles at the reaper forces on the ground. Kaidan, James and the other Alliance soldiers immediately position themselves by the opening shuttle bay door with their weapons at the ready.

James' heart leaps when he sees Shepard sprinting across the debris towards the ship. He smiles and silently thanks the heavens when he sees that she's completely unscathed.

She climbs onto a broken platform and makes a sprinting jump onto the ledge. Kaidan beats James in grabbing her arm and helping her on.

"Welcome aboard, Shepard," he says in a professional manner.

"Thanks," she mutters, turning back to look at Anderson with her weapon at the ready.

"Shepard!" the Admiral calls out from the platform.

"Come on!" she yells out.

Anderson turns to look at an arriving Alliance shuttle.

"I'm not going," he says with finality.

Shepard lowers her weapon and stares at him in disbelief.

"You saw them back there!" he tells her, pointing back at the gunship. "There's a million more like them and they need a leader."

"We're in this fight together, Anderson!" she says in her deep, commanding voice.

James, Kaidan, and the three other Alliance soldiers are pacing behind her, armed and ready in case more reaper forces arrive. They can barely hear the conversation occurring between Shepard and Anderson over the chaos surrounding them.

At one point, James notices Anderson reaching into his jacket's pocket and pulling out something silver, which he tosses to the Commander. She catches it and looks down at what James now realises is her N7 dog tag.

She slowly lowers the hand clutching the dog tag and takes a step back.

"I'll be back for you," she promises the Admiral. "And I'll bring every fleet I can."

She turns around and starts to head into the shuttle bay before he stop and turns her head to look back behind her. She says something, but James doesn't hear it.

The Commander just stands there, looking down as more Alliance shuttles fly down to evacuate Alliance personnel and civilians. She seems focused on something or someone down there, but James can't tell who or what. He feels his heart sink as an Alliance shuttle is shot down by a reaper beam almost as soon as it's airborne. He sees Shepard look away with her eyes closed, her face filled with sadness. He slowly walks to her side and places a hand on her shoulder. She gets startled at first, but he instantly feels her relax under his touch and sees a hint of a smile on her lips when her brown eyes meet his.

"You okay, Commander?" he asks her in a soft voice that only she can hear.

"Yeah," she nods. "I'm fine. You?"

"I'm alive," he responds truthfully. She watches his face silently for a moment, apparently at a loss for words.

"Come on," she finally says, turning around to head into the ship.

"Wait." He looks back out at the city, his green eyes searching. While he was focused on keeping a look out for any additional reaper forces, he hadn't noticed that Anderson was nowhere to be seen. He turns back to see that Shepard is already halfway into the shuttle bay. He hurries back in and follows her, confusion instantly replacing the overwhelming relief he felt at having her back at his side.

"What's going on?" he asks, feeling thoroughly confused. "Where's Anderson? Where are we going?"

"We're leaving," she tells him without stopping.

James stops in his tracks, unable to believe his ears.

" _Leaving_?" he echoes in disbelief.

"What's going on?" Kaidan asks.

"Anderson wants us to go to the Citadel, get help for the fight," she replies.

"What? Bullshit! I'm not leaving Earth in the middle of a freakin' war!" James exclaims indignantly.

She wheels around to face him, frustration etched onto her face.

"We don't have a choice, James," she tells him in a stern voice. "Without help, this war's already over."

"Forget it! Drop me off someplace, 'cause I'm not-"

"Enough!" she cuts him off and advances towards him, pointing a finger right at his face. Her brown eyes glare at him angrily. He glares right back, the gravity of the situation completely putting his feelings for her to one side. "Don't you think I'd rather stay and fight?" she asks, pointing back at the shuttle bay's exit. When he doesn't respond, she takes a few steps back. "We're going to the Citadel," she says in a lower, more controlled voice. "You want out, you can catch a ride from there."

He continues to glare at her as she turns away from him and focuses on a console. He then shakes his head in disbelief and walks away before he tells her something he'll later regret.

He heads off to the elevator and goes to the mess hall on the third deck. When he sees a few of the crew gathered around there, he walks straight past them and into the main battery. He rests his palms against the main console and leans against them, closing his eyes as he tries to make sense of the situation.

_How did this happen? The reapers? Here on Earth? What about my family? Madre, my abuela, and Uncle Emilio…_

_Everyone I ever loved and cared for. And I never even got the chance to say goodbye._

_Well, not everyone. The Commander is here with me, safe and sound. But to just leave like this when Earth is under reaper attack?_

_That's just plain fucking nuts!_

He takes a few deep breaths to calm himself down.

_I shouldn't have taken it out on the Commander. I'm such an ass—_

"James?"

His eyes immediately flying open, he turns around and sees the Commander standing by the main battery's entrance.

"Hey," he says, his calm voice masking his surprise. He definitely didn't expect her to look for him.

"You okay?" she asks, slowly striding towards him. "You uhh… you seemed pretty pissed down there."

"I was an idiot," he says, shaking his head in shame as he straights up to face her. "I'm sorry, Commander."

"Don't worry about it," she says, leaning against the console.

"No, Commander, I was out of line. It won't happen again."

"I said don't worry about it," she says firmly, but James sees the softness in her eyes. "I know that it's frustrating to leave like this. God knows I do. But without the Council's help, we're all goners."

"You really think they'd help us, Commander?" he asks, folding his arms as he leans next to her against the console.

"They don't exactly have a choice," she replies darkly, her eyes distant.

"Dios," James says under his breath. "I can't believe it. I mean, the  _reapers_. Shit."

"Yeah," she says. "Shit."

He watches her silently as she continues to stare at the main battery door, her mind clearly elsewhere.

"Commander?"

She blinks and looks up at him.

"I'm glad you're all right, compadre," he murmurs.

She smiles warmly, her brown eyes searching his.

"Right back atcha, Lieutenant," she replies softly.


	7. Mars

Shepard props her elbows on the console and leans backwards against it. She throws her head back and closes her eyes, stretching her neck and revealing her throat. James realises that he's never really seen that vulnerable part of her so…  _exposed_  before. It was almost like a gesture of trust, like the Commander was subconsciously displaying the depth of the safety and comfort she felt around James.

He finds himself imagining what it would be like to kiss that smooth stretch of skin. He almost hears the light sighs and moans that such a gesture may emanate from her beautiful lips. Right now, as he's all alone with the Commander in the private main battery, the daydream seems so… within reach.

Shepard suddenly opens her eyes. It takes James a second to realise that he's been watching her for a while. Warmth floods to his cheeks, and he looks away, feeling incredibly flustered.

 _Shit_.

She straightens up slightly, an amused expression playing on her face.

"That's not the first time I've caught you staring at me, Lieutenant," she says. He looks up when he notices that her tone isn't accusatory or uncomfortable.

His throat turns incredibly dry as he thinks of what to say.

"Uhh- I didn't mean to- I mean I-"

"Relax, Lieutenant," she chuckles lightly. "I was only-"

"Commander!"

They both jump and look up at the speakers, startled.

"Joker! That you?" Shepard asks with surprise.

"Alive and kicking," Joker replies. "Got an emergency transmission from Admiral Hackett for you."

Shepard pushes off from the console and turns around to face it, suddenly all business.

 _Wow. That was quick_.

"Patch it through," she says.

Admiral Hackett appears on the screen.

"Shepard, we've sustained heavy losses," he says, his voice unclear due to the poor quality of the transmission. "The (inaudible) force was overwhelming. There's no way we could defeat them conventionally."

"Anderson's already ordered me to the Citadel to talk to the Council," the Commander responds.

"First, I need you to go to the Alliance outpost on Mars," the Admiral tells her. "Before we lose control of the system."

 _Mars?_  James blinks in confusion.  _What the?_

Shepard salutes the Admiral without questioning his somewhat strange request.

"Yes, Sir," she says.

"We were researching the Prothean archives with Dr T'Soni," the Admiral informs her. "We may have found a way to stop the reapers. The  _only_  way to stop them. Head to the Mars archives. We'll be in contact soon. Hackett out."

Without so much as a pause, the Commander instantly gets Joker on the intercom.

"Joker, set a course for the Mars archives," she orders him.

"Mars?" Joker voices James' bewilderment. "Roger that."

Shepard immediately starts to walk out of the main battery without so much as a glance at James. He follows her out, feeling more confused by the second. They're greeted by Kaidan in the mess hall, who looks relieved when he sees the Commander.

"There you are!" he says when he sees Shepard. "I was loo-"

He stops midsentence when she stalks past him towards the elevator. He glances at James, who shrugs and gives Kaidan a 'don't look at me' look before he jogs to catch up with her.

"Hey, what's going on?" Kaidan asks when they join her in the elevator.

"Admiral Hackett wants us to go to the Mars archives," she responds, immediately striding into the shuttle bay as soon as the elevator doors open.

"Mars?" Kaidan asks, his thick eyebrows rising as he and James follow the Commander towards the weapon bench. "Why Mars? What does he think we'll find there?"

"I don't know," she says, picking up a pistol and loading it. "Yet." She heads towards the armory next, lifting up her N7 breastplate. "But if it helps us win this war…" she murmurs, staring at the piece of armor. She looks up, her eyes hard with dedication.

"Grab your gear," she orders them, immediately starting to put on her armor.

Kaidan exchanges a confused look with James before the two of them proceed to follow her order.

"This is loco," James mutters under his breath as he pulls on his greaves. He glances over at Shepard, almost dropping his helmet when he realises that he's seeing her dressed in her N7 armor for the very first time.

 _Damn, does she look_ _ **sexy**_.

He looks away when she turns around, her helmet tucked under her arm.

"How long until we get there, Joker?" she asks into the intercom.

"ETA fifteen minutes, Commander," Joker responds.

"Okay," she sets her helmet down on the weapons bench and looks at the two men before her. "Let's get a few things straight before we arrive." Her gaze falls on the Alliance shuttle parked on the right.

"James, think you can fly this thing?" she asks, nodding at the shuttle.

"Sure, Commander," James shrugs. "No problemo."

She nods at him with a small smile.

"Good. Our objective is clear: find Dr T'Soni and get the data we need. Any questions?"

"Any clue at all as to what we're looking for?" Kaidan asks.

"None so far," she says. "But we'll find out soon enough."

"Commander, I suggest you hit the shuttle now," Joker's voice blares from the intercom.

"You heard the man. Let's head out." Shepard grabs her helmet and heads straight to the shuttle. Once in, James slides into the driver's seat and starts the engine.

"Buckle up, compadres," he says as the shuttle bay doors slowly begin to slide open. He smoothly launches the shuttle into space, heading straight to the orange surface of their destination.

 _This is it, Vega_ , he tells himself as he gracefully steers the shuttle through the atmosphere.  _This is your chance to impress. Don't mess this up, pendejo_.

* * *

She's devastated.

Actually, 'devastated' is a bit of an understatement.

The Major's… well… knocked out.

James' first mission with the Commander wasn't exactly an all-out success. They got part of the data, sure… but at the potential cost of Major Alenko's  _life_. James will never forget the way the Major selflessly helped him when he was knocked out by that reaper blast back in Vancouver. He could've just run off and saved his own ass, but instead, he stayed back amidst the destruction and the flames, determined to get the Lieutenant safely out of the collapsing building.

James paces around in the shuttle bay, trying to arrive at a decision as to whether he should go up to the med bay, where the Commander has been watching over Kaidan for the past thirty minutes, or whether he should leave her alone. Part of him wants to go and check on the Major and her, and part of him wants to give them privacy, even though Kaidan is pretty much knocked out cold. After a few more minutes of internal grappling, James decides that he needs to be with her, maybe to comfort her, and he quickly takes the elevator up to the third deck.

He sees her through the glass first. She's still in her armor, standing over the Major's unconscious form. He hesitates at the door before opening it and slowly walking in.

She looks up at him. He feels a strong pang in his heart when he sees the purely  _devastated_  look in her eyes.

"How is he?" he asks softly, moving around the bed to stand by her side.

"Not good," she replies, shaking her head as she looks back down at Kaidan. "Liara says he needs serious medical attention if we expect him to-" she closes her eyes and takes in a deep, jagged breath. "If we expect him to make it," she finishes in a hoarse whisper.

He looks down at the Major's face.

_Dios. What did that thing do to you, compadre?_

He shifts his gaze back to the Commander and tentatively places a hand on her shoulder.

"Hey," he murmurs. She blinks up at him, looking like she's on the verge of tears. "He'll pull through, Commander," he assures her.

She nods once and looks back down at Kaidan's face.

"I hope so," she whispers.

James lets his hand linger on her shoulder for a brief moment before he slides it away and starts taking a few steps back.

"I'll leave you alone with him," he says.

She shakes her head and stands up straight, her eyes giving Kaidan one last glance before sliding over to look at James.

"No, I… There's not much point in staying here," she says hoarsely. "I'm just making it worse for myself. Need to get out of this armor too."

James nods and waits for her to arrive at his side. They silently walk out of the med bay and into the mess hall together, their arms nearly touching.

"I'm gonna head upstairs for a quick shower," she tells him when they arrive at the elevator. "You should get some rest, James. You just survived a crash landing."

James smiles at the hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"Might get me something to eat first," he says. He nearly throws in a smart line in there to lighthen up the mood and maybe elicit a laugh out of her, but given the circumstances, he decides against it.

"Okay," she nods. She heads to the elevator and brushes her armor-clad arm against the bare skin on James' forearm as she passes by him. He shivers at the unexpected and much yearned-for touch, and he could almost swear that the weak smile she gives him before the elevator doors slide shut was intended to let him know that his reaction didn't go unnoticed.

As James heads back over to the kitchen area to prepare something to eat, he couldn't help but feel guilty at his undeniable relief that it was the Major who got the worse end of the bargain rather than his Lola. Because if something ever happened to Lola… well… James isn't sure he'd be able to handle it.


	8. Mud cake

James has a weakness for a lot of things.

His abuela's huevos rancheros.

Pork ribs smothered in BBQ sauce with a large side of onion rings.

Commander Emilia Shepard, code name ' _Lola_ '.

And, the blue beauties of the galaxy (one of the wonders of the galaxy, according to James): the asari. He had a thing for an asari once. Back on Fehl Prime. Nothing ever came of it, but shit happens, as James knows only too well. He still appreciates looking at them though, so it's a pleasant surprise for him when he sees that the Presidium is practically _littered_ with them. He even passes by an advertisement for an asari escort service. If he wasn't sweet on the Commander, he probably would've allowed himself that indulgence, but James is pretty much as loyal as you can get. Even though he's technically not with the Commander.

 _Yet_.

He takes a stroll through the Commons and buys a burger from the only place that sells food that's safe for humans to eat: Apollo's Café.

He receives a message on his omni-tool almost as soon as he takes the last bite.

 **E. Shepard** :  _Meeting's done. Gonna drop by the embassies for some other business with Bailey. I'll be around there for the next half hour or so if you want an update._

_Shepard._

He stares at the message for a while longer.

The mere fact that she thought about him and sent him this message is just incredible to James. He wonders whether she's this accessible and open to everyone under her command. He certainly hopes not; if it's just him, that definitely means  _something_.

Right?

 _Right_.

He gulps down his beer, stops by a bathroom to wash his hands, and takes the elevator straight to the embassies level. His eyes scan the area for a sign of her as soon as the elevator doors slide open, but he doesn't see her. Deciding she must be in Bailey's office, he strolls by the glass overlooking the exterior of the Citadel and watches the cars zoom by in the almost  _too_  perfect Presidium.

"Hey there."

He turns around to see the Commander just arriving at his spot.

"Hey, Commander," he smiles, his heart doubling in size at the sight of her. "How'd it go?"

"How do you think it went?" she asks bitterly, her brown eyes gazing out the glass.

"They're not interested in helping us?" he asks, folding his arms across his chest.

She takes a deep breath and exhales loudly.

"Something like that," she says.

"Heh. Why would they? I mean, look at this place?" he nods out at the peaceful exterior. "There's no war here. People are whispering about it. They're talking about it. But they don't really believe it."

She shakes her head, disappointment clear on her face. She pulls her eyes away from the view and turns to look at him.

"I take it this is your first time here… with the 'elite' of the galaxy," she says.

"I've been to the Citadel, but never up here on the Presidium," James replies. He looks around, his green eyes troubled. "It's… not  _right_. It  _looks_  pretty; calm and peaceful. But it's not right. It's all just an illusion."

"I hear ya," she nods, looking around their surrounding too.

"They'd rather believe in this," he gestures towards the view, "than face the truth."

She nods again, her eyes drifting back to the zooming cars and dancing fountains.

"I can hardly believe it myself," she murmurs. "Like everything back on Earth was some kind of nightmare…"

"Yeah," James nods in agreement. "That's what I hate most. It's like this place  _wants_  you to forget that."

She silently gazes out for a while, seemingly lost in thought. James notices that her eyes—normally a deep chocolate brown—are almost golden in the sunlight.

She turns her attention back to him, her arms crossed against her chest.

"So," she says, her inquisitive eyes appraising him. "you still wanna go back to Earth?"

"Hell yeah, but…"

"But?" she prompts.

He exhales slowly from his nose as he takes things into perspective.

"You were right,' he says. "So was Anderson. We can't stop them alone. Besides, looks like you're gonna have your hands full convincing these  _pendejo_  politicians to help us."

She rolls her eyes to convey her exasperation and nods.

"And I'm up for it," he adds. "Whatever it takes, Commander."

Her eyes meet his, and they just linger there for what seems like an hour to James. He feels his face go slightly warmer as she continues to gaze at him.

"I know, Lieutenant," she smiles and murmurs softly.

James smiles back, his eyes sliding down to her full lips, and he imagines what it would be like to just take a couple of steps to cover the distance between them and kiss her.

"Commander Shepard?"

Startled as though they were pulled out of a trance, Shepard and James blink and look in the voice's direction.

"Commander Shepard, humanity wants answers!" a dark, skinny woman with a camera calls out.

"Oh no," Shepard moans, resting her forehead against her hand.

"Friend of yours?" James asks.

"Yeah, right," she mutters sourly.

"Commander!" the woman calls.

"Want me to scare her off?" James offers with a little smirk.

"No, it's fine. I'll just go see what she wants. We did just have a reaper invasion back home. I'll see you back on the Normandy, Lieutenant."

"Later, Commander," James says, internally cursing that reporter woman for interrupting…well… whatever it was that just happened between them.

He heads back to the elevator, overhearing the Commander's professional, no-nonsense tone as she answers the reporter's questions. He decides to go back to the Commons to use an extranet café; the Normandy's extranet has been slow lately.

He checks his email for any messages from his family. He feels like the weight of the world is taken off him when he sees a message from his Uncle Emilio telling him that they're all safe and on their way to the Citadel on an Alliance ship with other civilian refugees from Earth.

After checking the news and a few more websites, an idea suddenly occurs to James. He types in 'Commander Emilia Shepard' into a search engine and clicks on the first link that appears.

It's a biography page on the Commander. There's one picture of her to the right of the page—the same picture that was used when her death was announced nearly three years ago.

He's read through the Commander's biography countless of times before, the avid fan that he was. He liked doing it whenever he needed inspiration or when he was feeling particularly low back when she was 'dead'.

He smiles as he admires the picture, unable to believe that those very brown eyes were staring into his just under an hour ago.

 _Life's just fucking loco sometimes_ , he thinks to himself.

His eyes move over to the 'Early life and career' section.

_**Emilia Antonia Shepard was born on 11 April 2154 to Hannah and James Shepard-** _

_Wait_.

 _Pause_.

 _Stop_.

 _Rewind_.

 _Today's the 11_ _th_ _of April 2186_.

 _Holy. Fucking. Shit_.

_It's her birthday._

_It's her fucking **birthday**  and I had no freakin' clue._

_Fuck!_

James sits back and stares at her picture, feeling like a total douchebag.

 _Why didn't she mention it? Does she even know? What with the attack on Earth and Mars and Kaidan and the Council, I seriously doubt even_ _ **she**_ _knows_.

_Shit!_

_I gotta get her something_.

_But what? She can't stand jewellery and I can't afford anything nice anyway. She apparently doesn't like perfume all that much either…_

_Think, pendejo, think!_

_Cake_.

 _That's it_.

 _I'll get her a cake_.

_I mean, everyone likes a bit of cake, right?_

He immediately springs out of his seat, inserts a couple of credits into the slot on the terminal, and heads straight to Avina.

"Where can I find a bakery shop that sells products fit for human consumption? He asks the asari-modelled VI.

"Apollo's Café has a wide selection of ready-to-purchase pastries and other baked goods made especially for the human population on the Citadel," the VI replies.

"Apollo's Café, of course," James nods to himself. "Why didn't I think of that? Thanks, Avina."

He rushes off to Apollo's without waiting for the VI to log him off. Once there, he scans the display of cakes in the display fridge.

Avina wasn't kidding; they've got a  _wide_  selection of stuff.

"Can I help you?" an employee asks from behind the counter.

"I'm after a ready-to-go birthday cake," James tells him, his eyes still scanning the selection.

"Okay…" the employee joins him in his search. "Any particular flavour you're after?"

 _Shit_.

The Commander doesn't really have much of a sweet tooth, so he never got to find out what sort of dessert she enjoyed, if any.

His eyes fall on a round, white chocolate mud cake.

"That looks good," he says, pointing at the cake. "How much for that one?"

"Fifty credits," the employee responds.

" _What_? You think because you're the only place that sells human products you can rip us off like that? Fifty credits? For a  _cake_? You've got to be fucking kidding me!"

"Keep your voice down!" the employee hisses. He looks around to make sure no one is overhearing them. "Fine. I'll drop it down to thirty. Happy?"

"Ecstatic," James replies sarcastically. "That's the price you  _should_  be selling them at."

"We're a profitable business, kid," the employee says.

"Whatever," James mutters. "Here. Thirty."

"Do you want a Happy Birthday message with a name on it?" the employee asks as he pulls the cake out of the display fridge.

"Will you charge me extra for that?" James raises an eyebrow.

"Ten credits for a message," the employee replies. "No discounts," he adds curtly.

"Forget it. It'll look cheesy anyway,' James says. "Just put it in a good box, none of that brown cardboard shit you've got there," he nods at a shelf behind the employee. "And I aint paying shit for that."

The employee looks like he's about to protest, but he purses his lips and decides against it.

"There you are, Sir," the employee says curtly, handing over the box to James.

"Thanks, hombre."

 _Now all I need to do is get to the Normandy without running into the Commander_.

Like a spy on a covert mission, James' eyes meticulously scan his surroundings as he quickly makes his way to the elevator and heads down to the docking bay.

He doesn't breathe easy until he's back in the shuttle bay on the Normandy.

"What's that you've got there, Lieutenant?"

"None of your business, Esteban," James says from over his shoulder. "I may let you in on it later."

"Suit yourself," Lieutenant Cortez shrugs and focuses on sorting requisition orders for the Normandy.

Over the six months he's spent with her, James learned that the Commander hates making a show of things and absolutely despises being the centre of attention. So, until she gives him the all-clear, he's not going to mention a word of her birthday to anyone.

He activates his omni-tool and sends a message to her private terminal.

_Hey Commander. Got something I wanna ask you. Think you could spare a few minutes for your personal guard? Nothing serious, just thought I'd get your advice on something._

_Thanks,_

_James._

Silently thanking the heavens for the shuttle bay's chilly temperature (the cake would've been a sloppy mess otherwise), he activates his console and tries to get some work done on his latest report, but his mind just keep wandering off to the Commander and how she'd respond to his little surprise.

 _If_  she responds.

James nervously glances at the time.

It's been six minutes since he sent the message.

 _Relax, Vega_ , he thinks to himself.  _She's probably still at the Citadel or dealing with a few important things before she has a chance to check her email. She's the Commander of this freakin' ship, pendejo; she doesn't have much free time to kill_.

After a few more minutes of attempting to finish his report, he gives up and occupies himself with some pull-ups on the pull-up bar he installed earlier instead.

"Showing off again, Vega?" Cortez mocks him from across the shuttle bay.

"You know you love the show, Esteban," James grins. He nearly falls off the pull-up bar when he receives a notification on his omni-tool. He opens the message, his heart hammering against his chest in anticipation.

 _Sure, I'm free now if you wanna chat. Cabin door's open—don't bother knocking_.

 _S_.

If James was nervous before, he doesn't know what he is now. A million questions start running through his mind:  _what if she doesn't like it? What if this makes her uncomfortable? What if she calls me out for being out of line? What if she orders me out of her cabin and reports me to the Alliance?_

 _Shit_.

_I shouldn't have done this. What the fuck was I thinking? She's my Commander; there are regs against this kinda thing!_

_Fuck shit fuck_.

He seriously considers sending her a message to tell her that he's changed his mind or that the matter can wait. But when he remembers the way she looked at him earlier, the way she literally stared into his eyes, he feels a surge of courage flow through him.

 _Just do it, Vega. You're not asking for her hand in marriage. Just do it and make it nice, quick and subtle. You've been good friends with her these past six months. This isn't out of line_.

 _You can do this_.

He nods to himself, sprays on a bit of deodorant, picks up the cake box and heads to the elevator, ignoring Lieutenant Cortez' gaze as he passes by him. With a trembling finger, he pushes '1' and closes his eyes as the elevator starts to go up.

His heart is beating so hard and so fast, he's pretty sure she'll be able to hear it if he doesn't calm down. He gulps when the elevator doors slide open, revealing the only door on that floor.

 _You can do this_ , he tells himself again.

Even though she told him not to bother knocking, he does it anyway, out of habit more than anything else.

The door slides open, and he nearly drops the box when he sees her standing right in front of him, a crooked smile on her freckled face.

"I told you not to bother knocking," she tells him, standing aside to let him in.

"Old habits die hard," he says, amazed at how incredibly  _calm_  he sounds. Her eyes narrow in confusion when she spots the burgundy and gold box in his hand.

"What's that you got there, Vega?" she asks, moving to sit on her desk.

He ignores her as he walks deeper into her cabin. He places the box on the coffee table and looks around, whistling appreciatively.

"Wow," he says. "So this is what I can look forward to when I get my own command."

Shepard jumps off the desk and crosses her arms as she watches him look around.

"You want your own ship, Vega?" she asks.

"Yeah, maybe one day when I'm old and I can't fight worth shit anymore," he laughs mockingly.

She shifts her weight on one foot and raises an eyebrow at him.

"D'you just come up here to make fun of your Commander?"

He turns away from the aquarium and walks towards her.

"Sorry, Lola," he says.

She places a hand on her hip and smiles.

"Lola, huh? You've been calling me that for months now. What's the deal, James?"

"You kinda look like a Lola," he shrugs and answers simply, as though that explains everything.

She chuckles, eyeing him up and down.

"You're cute, so I'll let you get away with it. For now," she adds.

Completely ignoring the fact that his heart just did a somersault when she called him  _cute_ , he smiles confidently at her as she waits for his response.

"That's it," he says. "Now you're making me blush."

She laughs and takes a seat by the coffee table.

"So… gonna tell me what's in the box, Vega?" she asks, looking up at him expectantly.

"Maybe," he says, sliding into the leather cushion across from her. "If you can guess what day it is."

Her brow furrows slightly in confusion.

"What does that have to do with anything?" she asks.

"Oh, trust me, Lola; it has  _everything_  to do with it," he grins.

She rests her back against the seat and looks at the box.

"Okay,' she murmurs as she moves to activate her omni-tool.

"Ah-ah, no cheating!' He quickly leans across and gently wraps his hand around her left wrist. The gesture takes both of them by surprise. She looks down at her wrist and blinks. He quickly pulls his hand away, cursing himself for his stupidity.

"Sorry, Commander,' he mutters under his breath. "Got a bit too excited by this little game we're playing."

"It's fine," she says. He looks up at her and is incredibly surprised (and pleased) to see that she's  _blushing_.

"So, do you give up?" he asks her, desperate to diffuse the tension that unintentionally arose between them.

"You should know by now that I never give up," she says, sitting up straight and squinting her eyes as she looks up at the ceiling and thinks.

"April 11th," she suddenly blurts out.

He waits for her to elaborate.

"And…?" he prompts when she looks at him and says nothing more.

"And what?" she blinks in confusion.

"You're ridiculous," he laughs and shakes his head.

"Says the guy who crashed into another shuttle!" she scoffs.

"Hey, I got us the data, right?"

"Yeah, but-"

"Don't change the subject, Lola," he cuts her off. He's not exactly ready to discuss that particular antic of his yet. "Give up?"

"No way!" she exclaims. "Okay, 11th of April, 11th of April…" she mutters under her breath. "Oh. It's… my birthday," she says, comprehension dawning on her face.

"Ding, ding, ding!" James claps his hands and sits up straight. "And she gets it! Jeez, Commander, when was the last time you celebrated your own birthday?"

"A while, actually," she replies seriously. "I have been dead for two years, you know. Technically, I was reborn, so April 11 isn't even my birthday anymore."

"Don't be ridiculous, of course it is!"

"Will you tell me what's in the box now?" she asks.

"Go ahead and see for yourself," he says, his voice and manner exuding confidence he is completely lacking on the inside.

She narrows her eyes at him and reaches for the box, her eyes widening as she slowly pulls off the cover. She stares down at the cake, her expression blank.

"You got me a cake," she finally says.

 _Uh-oh. Not exactly the reaction I was expecting_ …

She looks up at him, her face gradually breaking into a warm smile. Relieved, James' tense frame immediately relaxes, only to tense up again when he feels the warmth of her palm envelope his right hand on the seat.

"Thank you, James," she murmurs. "Really, the fact that you thought of me at all… it's really sweet."

 _The fact that I thought of you? Lola, your name is practically etched into my brain_.

"Hey, it's the least I could do," he says, his heart racing in his chest.

Her smile widens and she gives his hand a gentle squeeze before pulling it away and looking back at the cake.

"Does the rest of the crew know?" she asks.

"I figured you wouldn't want to make a scene out of it, so I kept it on the hush-hush," he tells her.

"Normally, I wouldn't acknowledge my birthday while on active duty, but after the invasion on Earth… I don't know. The crew could use a little cheering up."

"Well, this cake is more than enough for the skeleton crew," James says, standing up. "Want me to call everyone into the mess hall for some serious partying?"

Shepard smiles up at him, her eyes warm.

"Why not?" she shrugs.

"Great."

"No alcohol, though," she tells him. "We're still on active duty."

"Awww, c'mon!" he protests. "Not even a  _little_?"

"James," she warns him as though he's a protesting child in a candy store.

"All right," he raises his palms up in defeat. "Your ship, your rules, Lola."

He heads over to the Commander's intercom and presses down the button.

"Yo listen up, compadres!" he says in a booming voice. "It's the Commander's birthday today, so get your sorry asses to the mess hall so we can get this party startin'!"

Shepard laughs at his enthusiasm and shakes her head. Watching her look happy like that... it means the  _world_  to him.

"Hey, Lola?"

She looks up at him, her eyes bright.

"Happy birthday," he smiles.


	9. Dance

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm kind of worried about this one because... well... I don't really know what James would be like as a romantic, since he's just like Shepard's brother or friend in the game, so I truly hope I didn't warp his personality too much. Enjoy, compadres!

"Damn, Vega; you've got yourself a personal gym in that little corner of yours!"

James smiles smugly and folds his arms as he looks around at the brand new gym equipment he bought earlier from a sports store on the Citadel.

"What, you think looking like this comes easy, Esteban?" James asks, gesturing at his bulky yet finely sculpted body. "Gotta maintain all my hardwork, hombre."

"Oh, I'll bet," Cortez chuckles and goes back to working on his terminal.

James rubs his hands together and jumps onto the pull-up bar. He's up to pull-up number 17 when he hears a voice that makes his heart jump and makes him pause momentarily.

"Hey, Cortez," the Commander's deep voice calls out. "How's it going?"

"Good, Commander" Cortez responds. "Just setting up our procurement chains to stores on the Citadel. You can purchase stock from this terminal from any store you've visited in person."

"Sounds handy," the Commander responds. At this point, James is back to doing his pull-ups, but his mind is focused on the Commander's voice.

"It does cost more to coordinate delivery to the Normandy, so it's cheaper to buy supplies when you're there," Cortez informs her.

"Noted."

James gulps audibly when he hears footsteps approaching his little station. He sees her stop to his right and feels his face turn incredibly warm when he realises that she's silently watching him.

"Hey, Shepard," he says in the midst of a pull-up. "Any updates from the Council and Major Alenko?"

"Kaidan's fine," she replies, relief evident in her voice. "I just came back from a visit. Doc says he's doing really well, and he looked and sounded fine too. Still has to stay at Huerta for a while, though."

"That's great news," James replies, his voice slightly strained as he does yet another pull-up. "He's a tough guy, Major Alenko.

"Yeah," she replies, folding her arms across her chest and leaning against a pole as her brown eyes continue to watch James move up and down. "That he is."

"And the Council?" he asks after a brief pause.

"Same as usual," she says bitterly. "Non-committal. Unhelpful."

"Bet they still wanted you to help them out, no?"

"Yep," she replies. "We're gonna rescue a turian Primarch from Palaven."

"Sounds like fun," James says. "Never been to the turian homeworld."

He keeps looking straight ahead as he carries on with his workout. When she doesn't say anything, he decides to break the slightly awkward silence.

"You come down here for something, or you just looking?" he asks. He can't see her face, but he's pretty sure a small smirk is playing on her lips at his question.

"I did just come to chat," she says, her eyes moving to the punching bag and back to James. "But I might stay for the show."

He grins at that, but he doesn't let her see any other indication of his excitement over her obvious flirting.

"Have to work harder than that if you want me to blush," he tells her, grunting from the effort of the exercise. "Not sure what there is to talk about," he says, deciding to appear uninterested. "You already know my service record."

"I don't, actually," she says, running her hands along the punching bag. "I didn't have access to personnel records when we met."

"Right," he says. "Forgot about that." He does one more pull-up before letting himself drop to the floor and cracking his neck.

"Think you can dance and talk at the same time?" he asks her with his back to her, now cracking his knuckles.

"Oh, I can dance," she almost purrs, turning around and striding to the wide space in the middle of the shuttle bay.

He smiles and turns around to follow her.

"Okay, Lola," he says. "Let's do this.

She laughs, putting her arms up in position.

"Don't let my good looks fool you, Vega; I got my share of scars."

She aims a punch at his face, which he blocks lightly, laughing at the serious and determined look on her face.

"You remind me of my old C.O.," he tells her, aiming for her face. She dodges him agilely, a small smile forming on her lips.

"Oh yeah?" she goes for his face again. "And who was that?"

"Captain Toni," he says, sidestepping her to dodge her punch. "He was a hard-assed son of a bitch, but a good leader."

She takes his distraction as an opportunity and aims right at his nose and gets him. He feels warm blood trickle down his left nostril. He lunges at her, but she swiftly steps aside and blocks him.

"Was?" she asks, panting.

"Died," he says, moving around her in circles. "With most of my squad. Protecting a civilian colony from a Collector attack."

"And the colony?" she pants after dodging another attack.

"It was either them," he goes in for another punch, "or the intel we had on the Collectors." He grunts as he tries to hit her again, anger and self-hatred starting to consume him as he relives that horrible time. "Intel we could've used to destroy them."

Another punch aimed at the Commander fails.

"Sorry," she pants, moving around lightly in her spot. "That's a tough call."

The two of them circle around each other, their eyes locked.

"The best part was," he pants, "we didn't really need the intel in the end because you were out saving the galaxy by taking down the entire Collector homeworld."

He dodges an attack from her, his anger intensifying as he thinks about his failure.

"You didn't know," she tells him, blocking his arm away from her face. "You can't blame yourself, Vega."

He stops, glaring at her.

"Who says I'm blaming myself?" he asks her angrily. She responds by punching him squarely in the jaw and his rock-hard abs.

"I do," she says sternly.

"You're a shrink too?"

"No," she replies as she tries to get him again, "but that stunt back on Mars was reckless," she says angrily. "I wasn't joking when I told you to rest after surviving that crash landing. You're lucky to be alive."

She dodges him, her eyes locked on his. He's caught off-guard by what she just said; he didn't realise she could see right through him.

"So?" he demands, not knowing what else to say.

"So maybe you don't care if you live or die!" she says furiously.

That was true, once upon a time. Maybe it's still true, to a certain extent. Before meeting her, life didn't seem worth it anymore. Hundreds of civilians died because of a decision that he made. But after meeting her…

But he wasn't going to tell her that. Not yet, anyway.

"Or maybe," he growls, "I'm just doing whatever the fuck it takes to end this god damn war!" he roars, the anger now completely in control of him.

She blocks a punch aimed at her midsection and flips him upside down and onto the ground. She glares down at him, panting, her arms still held up in position in case he came back up for more.

"Maybe you are," she says, putting her arms down when he shows no signs of retaliation. "But if you're half as good as I think you are, we need you alive."

He looks at her silently for a moment before turning away. He stops halfway and looks back to see her watching him.

"Thanks for the pep talk," he tells her seriously. He didn't realise how much he needed it until he actually got it.

"Anytime," she pants, turning to leave.

"Hey," he calls out. She stops and looks at him. "Thanks for the dance, Lola. Maybe you should come find me in Purgatory later tonight. Get some  _real_  dancing done."

She smiles crookedly, eyeing him from head to toe, as though she's sizing up an opponent.

"Maybe I will," she says.

* * *

_Damn, and I thought Afterlife was happening. This place is loco!_

James looks around the swanky nightclub as he sips a cold beer at the bar. His eyes linger on an asari dancer, the beat of the music vibrating in his chest.

He drains his glass and places his elbows against the bar table, leaning backwards against it. He hopes his extremely casual demeanour will mask the fact that he's anxiously waiting for the Commander to appear.

Right on cue, he sees a tall, slim, brown-haired woman in Alliance dress-blues meandering her way through the crowd. He waves at her, his heart picking up its pace when she smiles at him and quickens her pace towards his spot.

"Hey, Commander," he says loudly over the music. "Nice to see you down here in the dirt with us grunts."

She folds her arms across her chest and shifts her weight to one foot.

"What? You think I don't like getting dirty?" she asks with a raised brow.

"Woah now, c'mon," he laughs. "I didn't mean anything but it, Lola."

"Uh-huh," she responds dryly. "What did you mean, then?"

His eyes slide over to a group of Alliance soldiers to their right.

"See those marines over there?" he asks, gesturing towards them. "None of them Officers; just soldiers fighting a war.

She looks over at them and watches them for a second before turning back to James.

"Yeah?" she prompts.

"They've been buying me drinks all night," he says. "You know why? Same reason they got all quiet and serious when you walked in." He smiles at her, his eyes focusing on the incredibly red hue on her hair under the strobe lights.

"You don't seem intimidated by me in the least," she says. "In fact, you could use a little more deference."

"Hah," he laughs. "Sure. But I fought with you. I've seen you in action."

She nods and smiles at him, looking back at the marines.

"Now don't get me wrong," James says hurriedly. "You're good. Probably one of the best."

This earns him yet another raised brow from the Commander.

"Probably?"

He grins at her response.

"And you fill out a uniform like no body's business," he adds seductively, his eyes checking her out from top to bottom. "Just sayin'," he shrugs when he sees the amused look in her eyes. "But I know you're human," he adds seriously. "Just like me."

"But not them," she says, nodding at the marines.

"Nope," James responds. "You're larger than life to them, Lola. Heck, I still remember the day they made you the first human Spectre. Watched it on the vids. Everyone was in awe of you, and they still are."

She uncrosses her arms and looks a bit uncomfortable.

"I've seen a hell of a lot, but I'm still just a soldier," she tells him. "I'm still one of them."

"Sure," James shrugs, smiling at her genuine modesty and discomfort at being seen as someone special. "But they don't know you. They just know what they've been told."

He pauses as an idea suddenly pops into his head.

"Listen," he tells her, standing up straight. "You want them to see you're one of us, right?"

"Maybe," she shrugs.

"Then buy 'em a round," James says simply.

She looks over at the soldiers, considering the idea. James already knows her answer from the smile starting to form on her lips.

"I like the way you think, Lieutenant," she tells him, looking thoroughly pleased with the idea.

"Atta girl, Lola," he grins before turning towards the marines. "Compadres!" he calls out in a booming voice. "Hey!"

He waits until he's caught the attention of all the marines.

"The Commander here would like you to have a drink." He turns to look at her, a smile on his face. "On  _her_ ," he adds with a nod. "Here's to us!"

"Who's like us?" the marines chant, saluting the Commander.

"Damn few," she replies, saluting them back. "And they're all dead." She nods at them and turns to the bar tender. "Another round of drinks," she orders over the music. She turns around to find the marines huddled around her and James, disbelief and awe evident on their faces.

"Commander," one of them says, extending his hand out to her. "It's such an honour!"

"The honour's all mine," she nods, taking his hand and shaking it. She turns to look at James, who's smiling at her proudly.

As the drinks are passed around, he nudges Shepard lightly in the ribs.

"Hey, Lola, wanna dance?" he murmurs into her ear. He almost bites down on his lip when he feels her shiver at the proximity of his voice.

"You're on, Vega," she grins, taking his hand and leading him to the crowded dance floor.

They find a spot right in the middle and they start moving to the music. James has to suppress a chuckle when he realises that Shepard's idea of dancing is just bobbing around awkwardly on the spot.

"Relax!" he urges her, sensing the tension in her body. "This is our chance to let loose, Commander."

"I  _am_  relaxed," she tells him with confusion.

 _Oh_.

 _I guess that's just how she moves, then_.

As the music picks up its pace, James takes a couple of steps closer to her, his eyes fixed on hers. He's thrilled when she doesn't take a step back.

"It's been a while since I've danced in a club," she yells out over the loud music.

"Yeah, I imagine that being dead for a couple of years and being locked up under house arrest are both obstacles to havin' a little bit of fun," he yells back, a cheeky grin spreading across his face.

She laughs, but he barely hears it over the music. He does, however, appreciate how absolutely  _stunning_  she looks when she genuinely laughs from the heart. It's such a beautiful sight—it makes James want to… get  _closer_ to her.

So he does. He makes a bold move and hesitantly puts both hands on either side of her waist. She turns rigid and stares up at him in surprise.

"Is this okay, Lola?" he asks her softly, their faces barely inches away. She considers it for a moment before nodding silently and giving him a small smile.

"I could use a lead on the dance floor," she says. "Being the terrible dancer I am, I mean."

"You're not so terrible, Lola," he grins, watching her hips awkwardly move under his hands. She raises an eyebrow at him with an adorable 'as if I buy that' look.

"Okay, maybe you are just a little terrible," he laughs. "But it's nothing that can't be fixed with a little bit of practice."

"Thanks," she says dryly.

James' heart stops when she gently places her warm hands on his broad shoulders.

"These are rock-hard!" she exclaims, squeezing his traps lightly. "Impressive, Lieutenant."

"Now you're making me blush again, Lola," he accuses her playfully. She laughs, though he notices that her eyes linger on his cheeks. He wonders whether his tanned skin and the general darkness of their surroundings are enough of a cover-up, because boy, is his face feeling  _warm_.

"I'm glad I came here," Shepard suddenly says, her soft voice barely audible over the noise. James looks down at her, his eyes warm.

"I'm glad you came too," he murmurs back.

And before he could stop himself, before he could even _think_ , he slowly brings his lips down to hers and touches them lightly. He feels her hot breath blow into his slightly open mouth when she lets out a small gasp. Worried that it may be a protest, he starts to pull back, but she quickly places her hands on the back of his neck and pushes his lips back down against hers, her taut body pressed against him.

James is  _ecstatic_.

 _Delirious_.

 _Intoxicated_.

He very nearly pinches himself to make sure this isn't some vivid, crazy dream.

Shepard's the first to pull back. He opens his eyes to see her gazing up at him, her brown eyes like opaque marbles in the dark club.

"I'm not a PDA person, Lieutenant," she says with her signature crooked smile. "This is the first and last time we're doing this in public."

"Yes, ma'am," he grins. "Although, I think it's safe to say that everyone here is too drunk to tell a salarian apart from a krogan."

"Good point," she chuckles lightly before moving in for another kiss.


	10. Scars

By the time they're back on the Normandy, the rest of the crew are already asleep. They enter through the airlock and silently walk across the bridge and to the CIC.

They come to a halt before the elevator.

 _Well, this is awkward_ , James thinks.

"I uhh… Thanks for the drinks, Lola," he says, studying her face as she smiles up at him.

"Thanks for the dance, Vega," she replies in her default dry tone.

James leans against the wall and folds his arms across his chest, grinning down at her mockingly.

"Maybe I could give you a few lessons," he offers jokingly. "Teach you how to  _properly_  bust a few moves on the dance floor."

"Oh, so you're saying my current moves are improper, Lieutenant?" she asks with a raised brow.

"Well, unless you consider bobbing around on the spot qualifies as a  _proper_  move…" he says, laughing at the partially annoyed and partially amused expression on her face.

"All right, Vega, laugh it up. I wasn't the one bleeding all over the place after our earlier 'dance'," she smirks.

"Oh,  _touché_ , Lola," he grins.

She chuckles and shakes her head before moving to summon the elevator.

"Well," she takes a deep breath as the elevator doors slide open. "You have a goodnight, Lieutenant."

"What, is that it? We just part ways without even a goodnight kiss, Lola?" James says, feigning hurt.

Shepard stops and looks up at him with slightly narrowed eyes.

He knew that look all too well: she was seriously considering the notion.

"All right, Vega," she purrs with a seductive smile. "Come over here."

Only too willing to oblige, he tangles his fingers in her short brown hair and leans in to kiss her. It's a gentle kiss. A sweet kiss. The sort of kiss that new lovers share before they're comfortable enough to truly let go.

"Goodnight, Shepard," he whispers against her lips. He opens his eyes slightly and sees that hers are still closed.

"Goodnight, James" she whispers back, her full lips lightly brushing his and sending a shiver down his spine.

Smiling, she opens her eyes and enters the elevator, James' green eyes following her every move. Her brown eyes meet his one last time before the elevator doors slide shut. James takes that brief window of opportunity to wink at her, and his heart does a little somersault when he sees her instantly blush.

Grinning like an idiot to himself, he waits until the elevator's back and takes it down one level to the third deck. He washes his face and brushes his teeth in the men's bathroom before quietly shuffling over to the crew quarters.

He slides into his bed, grimacing a little at the loud creak that emanates from one of the coils underneath the mattress.

Shit.

"Vega?" a sleepy Cortez mumbles in the dark. "That you?"

"Yeah, go back to sleep, Esteban," James whispers.

"Damn, you just got back? Must've been quite the night."

James chuckles lightly, staring up at the bunk bed above him.

"Yeah," he murmurs, smiling widely. "It sure was."

* * *

"So. Garrus."

"So. James."

James laughs and shakes his head over the poker table in the lounge room. He's met many turians before; maybe far too many, but none of them were like Garrus.

"How long have you known the Commander?" James asks, his green eyes on the cards in his hands.

"A while," Garrus responds in his unique drawling manner. "Much longer than you have," he adds with a turian smirk, which isn't that different from every other expression on a turian's face.

"Just shows how old you are," James grins.

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up, Vega. What kind of a name is that anyway? 'Jimmy Vega'," Garrus says this with a deliberately drawn-out drawl. "Heh. Sounds like a pole dancer on Omega."

"Yeah? You on a first name basis with pole dancers on Omega, Scars?"

"I'm on a first name basis with you, aren't I?" Garrus grins, flashing his razor-sharp set of teeth.

James lets out a loud laugh.

"I like you, Scars," he says, turning his attention back to his cards. "All the other turians I've ever met had a stick up their asses."

"Some of them have two," Garrus mutters dryly.

This earns him another loud laugh from James. They both tears their eyes away from their cards and look up when they hear someone come in.

"So this is where you guys are hiding."

James' eyes immediately light up and his face breaks into a smile when he sees the Commander approaching the poker table.

"I see you boys are busy bonding," she smiles, folding her arms and looking down at the two of them.

" _Bonding_?" James scoffs. "What? With Scars?"

"Scars?" Shepard raises an eyebrow.

"Well, with a face like  _that_ , what else could I call him?" James smirks at Garrus.

"Women have a weakness for scars," Garrus shrugs. "Especially krogan woman, or so I hear."

"Yeah, when it's a sexy, subtle slash across your nose and cheek like mine, sure, women dig that sorta thing," James grins smugly. "But when half of your face is practically blown off by a rocket, can't say the ladies like that sorta thing, compadre." He winks up at Shepard, who smiles and covers her mouth with her hand.

"Ha-ha," Garrus says dryly. "Laugh it up, Vega. You won't be so smug once I kick your ass and win this game."

"Bring it on, Vakarian!" James shoots back.

"Steady now, boys," Shepard warns them playfully. "Save all that enthusiasm for our next mission. Whatever it may be…" she adds in a low, bitter murmur, her eyes drifting off to the distance.

"What, you just gonna stand there and watch, Lola?" James asks after a few seconds of silence.

"Lola?" Garrus asks with confusion.

"James here likes to make up his own names for people," Shepard explains, smiling down at James.

"Huh," Garrus says, his attention back on his cards.

"All right, then," Shepard takes a deep breath and exhales as she starts to back away from the poker table. "I'll leave you boys to it. Enjoy."

"Later, Lola," James says, watching her back as she leaves the lounge. His heart soars when she turns and smiles at him before the door closes behind her.

"Hmmmm."

James blinks and turns back to see Garrus appraising him with a curious look on his face.

"Forgive me if I'm wrong," he drawls, his blue eyes glinting, "but I could almost swear that something is going on between you and the Commanding Officer of this ship, Lieutenant."

James instantly feels himself blush. He focuses his green eyes on the cards in his hands, trying his best to maintain a perfect poker face.

"What makes you say that, Scars?" he asks nonchalantly.

"Oh, I don't know," Garrus replies in a tone suggesting he's thoroughly enjoying himself. "Maybe the way you stared at the Commander's behind as she walked out of here a few seconds ago? Or maybe the stupid grin you had on your face as you stared at the door long after she left?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, Vakarian," James replies calmly.

"Oh,  _sure_  you don't," Garrus smirks. "In any case, I was only asking because I was under the impression that the Commander is already involved with someone else."

James eyes' immediately shoot up to look at Garrus.

"You mean Major Alenko?" he asks.

"Oh, so you  _do_  know about that," Garrys replies.

"Uhhh… I heard about it," James shrugs. "Through the grapevine."

"And that doesn't bother you?" Garrus asks.

"No," James replies casually. "Why would it?"

"Heh," Garrus laughs lightly. "Still insisting on playing it coy, huh, Vega? All right. Okay. We did only meet a few hours ago in the middle of a warzone, so I don't blame you for being cautious with me."

"Just stick to the poker, Vakarian," James smirks to mask his embarrassment. "You're no good at this relationship evaluation mojo."

Garrus smiles but lets it drop, much to James' relief.

After playing (and winning) four consecutive games against Garrus, James heads down to the shuttle bay and starts practicing his 'dance moves' on his punching bag, his mind flooded with thoughts of the Major and the Commander. He's so lost in his own thoughts that he doesn't notice when Shepard arrives at his station a little later.

"James?"

 _She can't still be with him. She isn't_.

He keeps punching the punching bag vigorously, completely oblivious to her arrival.

"Hey… James."

_If she's with him, then why the hell did she allow me to kiss her that night? And that wasn't the last time-_

"James!"

He jumps and stops his hitting, blinking as he turns and sees her standing a few feet away from him, an amused and mildly annoyed expression on her face.

"You okay, Vega?" she asks with a raised brow. "I've been calling your name for the last five minutes!"

"Sorry, Commander," he replies, wiping the sweat off his forehead. "Got caught up in my uhh… punching."

"Clearly," she says. "You've been hitting that thing pretty hard. Something bothering you, Lieutenant?"

"No," he replies, picking up a cold water bottle from the floor and gulping it down. "I'm cool."

He looks around and sees that they're all alone in the shuttle bay.

 _Ask her about it_ , he thinks to himself.  _Now's your chance, Vega. Ask her before it's too late!_

"Actually, Commander, there is something I wanted to ask you," he tells her.

"All right," she says. "Hit me with it."

He looks at her and takes a deep breath as he collects his thoughts.

"How's Major Alenko?" he asks her casually.

"Nothing new since the last time we were on the Citadel," she replies, her eyes slightly narrowed. She knows this is going somewhere.

James nods and looks around the shuttle bay to avoid her piercing gaze.

"Look, Commander… I don't know how to say this."

"Say it exactly as it is in your mind," she replies in her usual response to that phrase.

He leans his back against his desk and watches her.

"Is there… Are you still with Major Alenko?" he finally manages to ask her.

Her eyes widen at his question. He clearly caught her off guard. She looks away, her brow slightly furrowed.

"No," she finally responds in a low voice. "Not anymore."

James nods, unable to feel the joy he should be feeling when he hears the sadness in her voice.

"Okay," he murmurs. "I'm sorry, Commander; I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable…"

"No," she shakes her head and gives him a warm smile. "It's… it's fine. I mean, you're not just a subordinate, James. You… you have the right to know."

He stares at her, stunned at her response.

 _I'm not just a subordinate to her_.

 _She wants us to be_ _ **more**_.

"Well, thanks for being honest with me, Commander," he smiles.

"Commander?" she purrs, striding towards him and gently wrapping her arms around his neck. "What happened to ' _Lola_ ', Lieutenant?"

He warmly smiles down at her, his green eyes gazing into her deep brown ones.

"Sorry, Lola," he murmurs, feeling intoxicated by her proximity. "Just making sure I'm not crossing any lines here."

"You're not," she murmurs back in a voice that makes James feel the heat gather up between his legs.

"Good to know," he replies softly, closing his eyes as he leans in to kiss her.

Their lips barely touch when the elevator door slides open.

As if shocked by an electric surge, the two of them jump apart, the furiously blushing Commander awkwardly running her fingers through her hair as they both turn and see Cortez walking towards the armoury.

"Commander," he nods and smiles when he sees her. "Vega. You two should head to the mess hall; Doctor Chakwas made the most  _delicious_  steak and kidney pie. She even made a turian-friendly version for Garrus!"

"Is that even possible?" Shepard asks with genuine surprise, though James could see that she's still blushing.

"She made it, so it must be," Cortez grins. "You'd better hurry before the rest of the crew wipe it all up."

"Thanks, I think I will," Shepard replies, glancing back at James. "Lieutenant? You coming?"

"Uhhh yeah," James nods, following the Commander to the elevator. "Never had steak and kidney pie before. Is that British?"

"Yep," Shepard replies, nodding at Cortez as she passes him. James gives him a little wink.

They both manage to act calm and aloof until the elevator doors close behind them.

"Do you think he saw us?" Shepard immediately asks James.

"I don't think so," James replies, shaking his head. "He looked pretty chill to me."

"Yeah," Shepard nods, though she doesn't look thoroughly convinced.

"Hey. Lola."

James places his finger under her chin and tilts her face up to his.

"I always finish what I start," he murmurs, brushing his lips against hers. He feels her warm lips stretch to a smile before she kisses him back.

"Come up to my cabin tonight," she whispers into his ear. He shivers violently and gasps at the spasm her words cause in his pants.

He opens his eyes when he feels her step away from him to casually wait for the elevator doors to slide open.

 _Dios, Lola_ , he thinks to himself when she smiles at him right before striding out of the elevator.

 _Dios_.


	11. Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: very NSFW! I blushed and giggled and banged my head against my keyboard as I wrote this one. I'm the world's biggest prude, so this was a struggle!

He took a shower.

He styled his Mohawk.

He brushed his teeth.

He even  _flossed_.

James leans over the basin in the men's bathroom and stares at his reflection in the mirror, the drumming of his heartbeat echoing in his ears.

 _Pathetic_ , he bitterly thinks.  _You're fucking pathetic, Vega_.  _There's nothing to be nervous about, pendejo, so stop acting like a sixteen-year-old virgin_.

He takes a deep breath, nods once at his reflection, and heads out to the elevator. Before he takes the elevator to deck one, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out a packet of mints that he "borrowed" from Cortez. He pops two into his mouth, closes his eyes, rests the back of his head against the cool metallic wall of the elevator, and waits.

His legs feel like lead when the elevator doors slide open to reveal that one, solitary door on the deck. His green eyes move up to read the sign on top of the door.

**Captain's Quarters**

_Holy fuck_.

He pauses before the door, takes another deep breath, and even though the green light clearly indicates that it's unlocked, he knocks lightly, trying his best to ignore the rampant beating of his heart.

"Come in, James," she calls out.

 _Shit. Shit, shit, shit_.

He steps in, his green eyes immediately spotting her leaning over her desk, still in her uniform, looking over nearly half a dozen scattered PDAs and datapads. She looks up and turns to look at him.

"Hey," she smiles. "Just going over this report I have to send off to Admiral Hackett. Won't be a minute."

"Sure, Lola, take your time," James smiles back.

"In the meantime, make yourself at home," she says, pointing over to the leather lounge. He feels a new wave of jitters when he spots the two glasses of red wine waiting for them on the coffee table.

 _She prepared for this. For tonight_.

On his way to the lounge, the only thing he can see is her bed. He'd never been so painfully aware of a piece of harmless furniture before in his life. Gulping to get rid of the dryness in his throat, he smiles to himself when he sees a sound system on the bedside table. He looks over his shoulder to see Shepard still leaning over her desk, her brow furrowed and her eyes intently focused on her report. He makes his way to the sound system and turns it on. The familiar soundtrack heard in the upper level of Afterlife starts to play, immediately attracting the Commander's attention.

"Thought we could do with a little music," James says, bobbing his head to the beat as he heads to the leather lounge. Shepard smiles and shakes her head as she straightens up and stretches.

"You're an evil distraction," she says, setting down the datapad in her hand and making her way to the lounge.

"Can't help it," James grins smugly, bobbing his head as he moves (more like  _dances_ ) towards her. He takes her hands in his and dances with her on the spot, his heart melting at the shy yet amused smile on her face.

"What, are you trying to prove a point here, Vega? We both know I can't dance!"

"It's never too late to learn, Lola," he says as he twirls her around on the spot. She trips over her own foot and nearly falls face flat on the floor. James swiftly grabs her from around the waist and pulls her back up.

"Or maybe you are as hopeless as you say you are," he laughs. He raises his palms up in surrender when he sees her fold her arms across her chest and raise an eyebrow at him.

"You done laughing yet, Lieutenant?" she asks him dryly.

"Oh, so it's ' _Lieutenant_ ' now, is it?" James grins. "Okay. I see how it is, Commander. I'll just leave before I-"

"Shut up and sit down, Vega," she says in a playfully serious tone.

"Aye, aye, Commander," James salutes her and chuckles at her exaggerated eye-roll. She heads over to the sound system and changes the track to a much slower piano piece.

James watches her smile at him as she joins him on the lounge. The way she moves, the way she looks at him… everything about her does something to him, something he can't explain or describe. All he knows is that she's touched something in him that he never knew he had.

"Still with me, James?"

He blinks and sees Shepard sitting next to him on the lounge, two glasses of wine in her hands. She hands him one and watches him, a small smile playing on her lips.

"Yeah," he nods, feeling his face grow warm. He takes a sip of wine to try and get rid of that damned dryness in his throat. "Still here, Lola."

"Good," she places her glass on the coffee table and scoots closer to him. "I was beginning to think I'm boring you."

"You?" James lets out a loud laugh of disbelief. "Bore  _me_? Not gonna happen, Lola. You're talking to someone who would've stood in line to get your autograph a few years ago."

"A few years ago? What, I'm not good enough for you anymore, Lieutenant?" she smiles.

He laughs lightly and sets his glass next to hers. He turns to her and closes the distance between them by scooting closer to her on the seat. Hesitantly, he brings his right hand to the side of her face and caresses her cheek with his thumb, losing himself in the depths of her warm brown eyes.

"On the contrary, Lola," he murmurs, intoxicated by the clean, soapiness of her scent, "You're almost too good to be true."

She blinks up at him, and he can feel the warmth rush up to her cheek beneath his palm as she blushes.

He closes his eyes and leans in to kiss her. It's slow and hesitant—almost enough to drive himself insane. She sighs and opens her mouth as she wraps her arms around his neck. He slides his tongue in and feels her shudder at this new experience.

In one swift movement, Shepard swings her leg over James' hips and straddles him without interrupting the kiss. He leans back against the lounge, feeling the heat and  _need_  intensify when he feels her weight against his groin. He moans and shivers, tangling his fingers in her dark hair to pull her closer against him.

She pulls away from him and flashes him a smile so seductive, it takes his breath away. She snakes her hands down his chest and pulls his shirt up. He lifts his arms up to help her, still unable to believe what's happening. He watches her as her brown eyes sweep over his torso, appreciating every taut and sculpted muscle being revealed to her for the first time. She leans in and softly kisses the tattoo on his neck, down to his collar bone, and finally to his chest. He closes his eyes and shudders, his breathing shallow and quick. He lets out a loud groan when he feels her warm tongue teasing his nipple, involuntarily thrusting against her. He opens his eyes, gently pulls her face back up to his, and kisses her deeply.

 _Hungrily_.

He quickly unbuttons her shirt and pulls it off, revealing the small yet plump breasts held in her black bra. He snakes his fingers to her back and undoes her bra clasp, covering her nipples with his mouth as soon as her breasts bounce out of their support.

He hears her moan and whisper his name as he licks and sucks on her sensitive nipples, her bare skin hot and sweaty against his own. His lips back on hers, he places his hands under her lower back and lifts her up, her legs quickly wrapping around his waist as he walks them over to the bed.

He gently sets her down on her back and makes a trail of kisses starting from her lips, down to her perfectly taut and smooth stomach. Her breathing hitches as his lips near her groin, and he sees her hands clutch the bed cover beneath her. He unbuttons her fatigues, his eyes marvelling at her slim yet muscular thighs as he pulls them off her and throws them over his shoulder. He looks up at her to see her chest heaving as her breath comes in quick, shallow gasps, her head resting halfway down the bed with her eyes closed.

 _Fire. You set me on_ _ **fire**_.

He slowly pulls down her underwear, feeling her tense beneath him. He glances up at her again when she sighs.

"You're  _killing_  me here, James," she whispers weakly when she meets his eyes.

Smiling slightly, James slides his tongue against her and starts pleasuring her slowly and deliberately.

"Oh my  _god_ ," she moans, twitching uncontrollably beneath his mouth. He pushes her legs up and apart and holds them firmly as he quickens his pace, his eyes fixed on her face.

Her eyes roll into the back of her head, her entire body scorching hot and trembling with pleasure. She places both her hands on the back of James' head and pushes him against her, moving her hips in time to the rhythm of his tongue.

" _James_ ," she whispers over and over again. " _Oh my god, James_!"

He quickens his pace as she comes, her hips bucking against his mouth. He slows down in time with her breathing, giving her one final kiss before pulling away.

Shepard immediately sits up and crawls to the edge of the bed, where James is still kneeling. She kisses him ravenously, turning his mind blank.

"Stand up," she commands him breathlessly. He immediately does as he is told, his heart drumming rapidly in his chest.

She impatiently unbuttons his fatigues and yanks them down, doing the same to his black briefs immediately afterwards. She takes him in her mouth as soon as he's out.

_Dios!  
_

James' knees buckle beneath him as he feels the heat of the inside of her mouth enveloping him as her head moves back and forth, her tongue teasing the tip.

_Fuck. I'm not gonna last long. I'm just not gonna last-_

Sensing his hastening approach to the edge, Shepard pulls away and props up onto her knees on the bed. Her smouldering eyes meet his, and she flashes him a sinfully seductive smile before she pulls him down over her.

At that moment, time stops for the two of them. Shepard cups James' face in her hands and smiles up at him lovingly, warmth and tenderness filling her dark eyes to the brim.

The moment is perfect. The most perfect moment in James' life. After over seven months of being around her and loving her from a distance, she's finally in his arms, willing to give herself to him fully. Willing to join herself with him, both physically and emotionally.

"I love you, Shepard," James murmurs without really thinking. Her eyebrows rise and her eyes widen in surprise, but her expression very quickly softens back to a smile and she gently pulls his lips down to hers, kissing him so tenderly, he feels the prickle of tears starting to form behind his closed eyelids.

She doesn't say it back, though.

Even as he drowns in his intoxication and happiness, James notices that detail. But it doesn't bother him at all. Commander Shepard never was one to wear her heart on her sleeve and openly declare her feelings. After guarding her for so long, James has come to learn that about her. The tenderness of her kiss was enough to let him know that she felt the same way about him.

As he feels his need growing, James deepens the kiss, sliding his fingers through her hair. Slowly, he brings himself to her entrance, touching her with his tip to prepare her. She sighs and wraps her legs around him to press him closer against her. He takes that as a sign that she's ready and slides into her.

Nothing could have prepared him for this moment. James has been with a number of women in his life, but it was all always purely physical. He'd never been with someone he loved before, and the difference between the encounters is almost  _staggering_  to him.

He groans, echoing her as she moans and lightly bites his lower lip. They move together in a slow pace, their ecstatic moans echoing off the cabin walls surrounding them. She urges him to move faster, and he obeys. She whispers and moans his name into his ear, and he does the same, their hot, wet bodies sliding against each other as they move back and forth. The bed starts to creak as James moves even faster, his mind completely taken over by the sensation of being enveloped by her warmth—the warmth of this woman that he loved more than his own flesh. This woman, who was dead and out of reach for  _two long years_ , before she was miraculously brought back to life.

And into James' life.

He feels her muscles tighten around him, and they both come together, their gasps and moans now replaced by loud, carnal noises of mind-numbing pleasure.

Panting, James slumps over Shepard's sweaty body, still twitching from the overwhelming experience.

"I'm willing to say that this beats getting my autograph," Shepard jokes breathlessly as James catches his breath, his face buried against her neck. Both of their bodies shake as the room is filled with his giddy laughter.

"You're not off the hook, though," he grins, carefully sliding off of her and resting on his back beside her. "I still want one."

"You're a greedy son of a gun, aren't you, Lieutenant?" she grins.

"Only when it comes to the things I like, Lola," he smiles. He looks away from the stars behind the skylight and turns to see her silently watching him.

"What?" he asks playfully.

She smiles warmly and shakes her head, rubbing the side of her face against her pillow.

"Nothing," she murmurs. "I'm just glad you're here, James."

He takes her hand and kisses it before pulling her into his arms and burying his face in her dishevelled hair.

"Right now, Lola…there's nowhere I'd rather be," he whispers.


	12. Challenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little NSFW content at the beginning (they just don't know when to stop, these two). Just a little warning to my beloved readers ;)

Right now, it's pretty much safe to say that James Vega is the happiest man in the entire galaxy. And it isn't exactly difficult to say why.

For starters, he's sleeping in a ridiculously comfortable king size bed for the first time in  _years_.

He's a senior crew member on the Alliance's most advances warship, serving under the greatest human Commander the galaxy has ever seen.

Oh,  _and_  he's in bed with that very Commander, her head lightly resting on his broad chest, her leg thrown over his lower body as though to prevent him from leaving their safe haven up in the Captain's Quarters without her.

James wakes up to the pleasant smell of the Commander's shampoo filling his nostrils. He doesn't want to open his eyes at first, terrified that he might wake up to find himself in his bunk bed in the crew's quarters. Terrified that the most  _beautiful_ night of his life was just a dream.

The Commander stirs in her sleep, her dishevelled brown hair tickling James' chin. He opens his eyes then, suddenly very aware of the warmth of her naked body against his own. He looks down at her and smiles.

_Not a dream, Vega. Not a dream._

He lightly kisses the top of her head, not wanting to wake her up. She needs as much sleep as she could get, especially after the vigorous physical 'exertions' they'd both experienced throughout the night. They made love, went to sleep for an hour or so, woke up, and went at it all over again. James had no idea where they got the energy to be able to accomplish such a feat from, but whatever the source, he was more than thankful for it.

 _Especially_  when he thinks about how he had woken up to find her pleasuring him in the middle of the night. At first, he thought he was dreaming, but the moisture of her soft tongue and the heat of her mouth eventually became way too intense for it to be anything but real.

He smiles to himself, the very thought sending a shiver through him, and a delicious heat in his groin threatens to evolve into something a little less… discreet. He glances over at the alarm clock on the bedside table to check the time.

 _7 am- Citadel Space Standard Time_.

He relaxes his head on his pillow, absent-mindedly stroking Shepard's back with his fingertips. She stirs slightly against him and her eyes flutter open to meet his.

"G'morning," she mumbles in a raspy voice that is so ridiculously sexy to James' disbelieving ears.

"Morning, bonita," he smiles down at her. She rubs her eyes and slowly sits up, her eyes moving to the alarm clock. She then stretches and looks at James from over her shoulder with a smile on her sleepy face. He sits up, wraps his arms around her from behind, and softly kisses her neck, his head going dizzy when he inhales her scent.

"Mmmmm," she closes her eyes and sighs under his touch, her body instantly relaxing against his.

"Slept well, Lola?" he murmurs into her ear in between kisses.

" _Very_ ," she purrs. "You?"

"What, are you kidding me? I got to sleep in a  _king size_ bed in the  _Captain's_  crib! Of course I freakin' slept well!"

She turns to look at him with an amused smile and a raised brow.

"Oh, I see how it is," she says humorously. "Get on the Commanding Officer's good side and live the good life, is it?"

James laughs and tightens his embrace around her.

" _Eres mi vida_ ," he whispers into her ear, closing his eyes as he feels her shiver against him.

"What does that mean?" she asks him after a brief silence.

He opens his eyes and turns her face towards his. His eyes move all around her face, attempting to commit every one of her features to memory.

"Later," he finally says with a small smile.

"Later?" she asks, confused.

"Later," he repeats, stroking a lock of dark hair away from her eyes.

She furrows her brow in confusion, but smiles and kisses him all the same before hopping out of bed and walking towards the bathroom. James bites his lower lip as he watches her walk away.

 _Damn, Lola_.

She pauses midway and turns to him, an expectant smile on her face.

"Well?" she asks. "Aren't you coming?"

He blinks at her, feeling totally lost. She laughs at the evident look of confusion on his face.

"For a shower, Lieutenant," she clarifies with a smile. He flashes her one of his own seductive smiles as he yanks off the bed cover and quickly strides towards her, barely able to contain his excitement. She takes his hand and leads him to the bathroom, his eyes shamelessly staring at her soft and supple behind as it moves from side to side.

_Seriously, I've gotta be dreaming here. This just_ **can't** _be real._

Almost as soon as they're in the shower, James presses Shepard's back against the wall and kisses her. He slides his tongue into her mouth, his eyes rolling into the back of his head when she does the same, her sighs echoing off the walls and hitting him right in the groin. He slides his mouth down to her neck, before moving on to her plump breasts, where he lingers for longer. He caresses her waist as he stoops down and slides his tongue down along her midsection, feeling her tense as he nears the spot.

Eager to return the surprise he woke up to last night, he wastes no time in pleasuring her. He places his hands on the back of her thighs to stabilise her trembling body and pushes one leg up and away, her ecstatic moans growing louder by the second. He fixes his eyes on her face, watching her twitch and squirm as he tries his best to ignore the almost unbearable pressure building up between his legs. He sucks on her as she yells out his name, barely able to catch her breath, let alone support her own weight. He then quickly stands up, covers her mouth with his and starts making love to her, his gentle pace in stark contrast to the overwhelming  _need_  he's feeling inside. Over the last few hours, James has learned that the Commander liked to take it slow, and whatever his Lola wanted, James was more than willing to give.

"I… I've never made love in the shower before," Shepard tells him once they'd both regained their breath.

James smiles as he takes her soapy loofa and gently scrubs her back.

"You know what, Lola?" he replies affectionately. "Neither have I."

* * *

"Huh."

"Somethin' on your mind, Vakarian?"

Garrus leans against one of the pull up bar's support poles and sweeps James' miniature gym with his pale blue eyes.

"Strange…" Garrus drawls.

"What is?" James asks as he continues to work on his private terminal.

"How you humans have to work at getting stronger. We turians are born with it. We just have to train to get  _better_."

James looks away from his terminal and meets Garrus' mocking smile.

"Hard to believe when you consider the fact that your entire kind have chicken legs to walk on," James smirks.

"Chicken? I don't even know what that is. Though, I have heard that pretty much everything in the galaxy tastes like it. Anyway, I bet I could beat your confident little ass any time, Vega. No sweat."

"Is that a challenge I detect, Vakarian?"

"Maybe…" Garrus smirks, his blue eyes glinting. James puts his terminal on standby and cracks his knuckles.

"You're on, Vakarian," he says. "You. Me. Pull up bar. Now."

"Heh. You won't be so confident once I'm through with you, pretty boy," Garrus replies, his widening smirk revealing his razor sharp predator's teeth.

"Yeah, yeah. Less talk, more action, chicken legs."

They both crack their knuckles and position themselves beneath the bar.

"Uno…dos… tres!"

Garrus beats James at jumping onto the bar first, already looking super-smug.

The competition is  _brutal_. They're both  _relentless_  in their determination to win this thing. James starts off confidently at first, but when he nears his twentieth pull up, his ability to ignore the burn quickly begins to wear off.

"Still not giving up, Vega?" Garrus asks, his voice strained from the exertion.

"Not even close," James grunts.

"Your shaking body begs to differ," Garrus smirks. He's showing no signs of slowing down.

_Fuck. I won't be able to keep this up much long—_

"What the hell are you guys up to?"

James' grip loosens at that moment, and he drops down to the floor, his arm and shoulder muscles  _burning_.

"Hah!"

Garrus performs one last pull up before gracefully dropping down next to a panting and sweating James.

"Vega here thought he could take on a turian on the pull up bar, Commander," he explains to a confused and for some reason,  _annoyed_  Commander Shepard.

"Oh, I  _totally_  would've taken you on, Vakarian," James says breathlessly, wiping the sweat off his brow. "The Commander's voice just surprised me, that's all."

"Yeah, and I'm the Queen of Tuchanka," Garrus mutters, looking incredibly smug and happy with himself.

James summons all of his willpower to ignore him and focuses his attention on the fuming Commander instead.

"What's up, Lola? You look pissed, jefe."

"I  _am_  pissed," Shepard replies through gritted teeth. "Fucking salarian Dalatrass is getting on my fucking nerves."

"Politics usually involves a lot of bull, Shepard," Garrus tells her wisely. "Especially when the salarians and the krogan are involved. Speaking of krogan, how's Wrex? Is he still aboard?"

"In the war room," Shepard mutters.

"I think I'll drop by to say hi before he leaves," Garrus says. "Take it easy, Shepard. Oh, and looking forward to beating your ass again in the near future, Vega," he adds with a wink.

"Keep dreaming, Scars," he calls out after him.

"Later, Garrus," Shepard mumbles.

James brings his attention back to the Commander and whistles as he checks her out from top to bottom.

"Woah, Lola," he says appreciatively. "Lookin' good in that Captain's suit. Lookin'  _real_  good."

The smallest smile starts to form on Shepard's lips.

"Had to look 'professional' for the stupid politicians," she replies bitterly. "I mean  _fuck_ , James. I'm a soldier! I don't deal in fucking politics!"

"What'd they do to piss you off so much, anyway?" James asks, leaning back against his work station.

"It's about the genophage," Shepard replies, positioning herself before the punching bag and aiming a hit. "The krogan won't help the turians on Palaven until the genophage is cured." She aims another stronger punch as her frustration escalates.

"What the?" James laughs in ridicule. "Is that even  _possible_? Cure the freakin'  _genophage_?"

"A few female krogan survived that research facility back on Tuchanka. They're on the salarian homeworld. Gaaah, fuck this!" She shakes the hair out of her eyes and turns to James, her eyes bright. "James, wanna dance? This punching bag is just too… stationary for my tastes."

James smiles at her in amusement.

"Sure, Lola. But isn't that Captain's suit a little restrictive?"

"Damn straight it is," she replies. She swiftly undoes it's large golden buttons and throws it to the floor, revealing the fitted black tank top she's wearing underneath. She jogs to the centre of the shuttle bay and puts her arms up in position, only to slowly put them down when she realises that James hasn't moved from his place by his terminal.

"Something wrong, Vega?" she asks impatiently.

"You could say that, Lola," he grins, slowly striding towards her.

"What?" she raises an eyebrow.

"Have you ever wondered for one second how ridiculously distracting you can be? Especially to a young, handsome marine like myself?" he winks.

He can tell by the look on her face that she's still confused.

"I don't get it," she says monotonously.

He laughs and shakes his head, bringing his hands up in preparation for the fight.

"You're too damn sexy for your own good, Lola. I mean,  _damn_."

She chuckles and shakes her head, looking at James affectionately.

"And here I thought you were gonna say something serious for a change," she says.

"Hey! I can be serious when I wanna be!"

"Oh yeah?" Shepard asks in silky voice.

"Is that a challenge I detect, Commander?" he grins.

"You bet," she grins back.

"All right, Lola." He closes the distance between them and lifts her up in his arms. "You. Me. Bedroom.  _Now_."


	13. Loco

Genophage?

Cured.

Krogan and turian cooperation?

Secured.

Back-stabbing Councillor Udina?

Dead.

Citadel attack?

Thwarted.

One thing's for sure: the Commander gets things done, no matter how impossible they may seem. The woman (and every member of her crew) managed to survive a suicide mission, for crying out loud. You really can't go any further than that in James' books.

Which is why he's constantly battling the urge to pinch himself when he finds himself sitting across the table from her at Apollo's café for a little R&R.

Just the two of them.

On an actual  _date_.

He still hasn't figured out why she spends time with him. Why she even  _bothers_. It boggles his mind, really. To himself, he's just a regular marine. He'd been through hell back in Fehl Prime, he'll admit that, but it was nothing compared to what Shepard had been through.

She's a galactic  _hero_.

An  _icon_.

A  _legend_.

And yet here she is, scanning the interactive menu in her hands, completely oblivious to how amazing she and her accomplishments are.

"Whatchu getting, Lola?"

She frowns as though unable to solve a difficult math equation.

"No idea," she says, putting the menu down on the table and looking up at James. He still feels butterflies whenever her brown eyes meet his. "I've never been here before. Have you?"

"Once." He pauses before adding, "On your birthday. It's where I got your cake from."

He smiles when he sees her blush as she looks back down at the menu.

"Anything you can recommend?" she asks, scanning the menu again.

"I had their Big Mouth Burger before. It's pretty good. Comes with two sides of your choice."

"Beef?"

"Si, jefe."

"Hmmm… Are you gonna get it?" She sets her menu down and finally meets his gaze again.

"Looks like it," he says, selecting the meal on the interactive menu. "With a large side of onion rings and a corn cob. And a beer."

"I'll get it too, then," she smiles as she runs her index finger across the menu. "With fries and… more fries."

"Two sides of fries?" James grins.

"Yep," she replies, sitting back in her seat. "I really love me some fries, Vega."

"I can see that," he chuckles, leaning against his elbows on the table. The dark smoke rising into the air from a crashed vehicle in the Presidium's exterior catches his eye.

"They really messed the place up. Cerberus bastards," he mutters darkly.

Shepard looks around too, her expression darkening.

"They'll pay," she says, her voice dangerously low. "Especially that fucking Kai Leng bastard. I'll fucking  _kill_  him for what he's done." He notices her voice trembled when she said that.

She closes her eyes and turns away from James, taking deep breaths to compose herself. A salarian waiter then arrives with their beers.

"Thanks," James tells him.

"Your food will arrive shortly," the waiter bows his head and hurries away.

"Hey Commander, I uh… I know I've already said this, but I'm sorry about Thane. I know you guys were tight."

Shepard opens her eyes and briefly meets James' gaze before looking away again.

"Yeah," she nods, her eyes distant. "He was a good man. Maybe one of the best I've ever met. It was really hard… seeing him go like that."

James reaches for her hand across the table and gently holds it in his own.

"I know, cariño," he murmurs softly, his voice barely above a whisper. He caresses the back of her hand with his thumb for a few silent moments before quickly taking his hand away and sitting back when he sees the salarian waiter arriving with their food from the corner of his eye.

"Two Big Mouth Burgers," the waiter announces as he sets down the food on the table.

"Thank you," Shepard smiles at the waiter.

"Let me know if you need anything," the waiter smiles back. "Enjoy your meal!"

They both watch the waiter scuttle away before turning to their food.

"Smells good," Shepard says as she eyes her plate.

"Tastes good too," James manages to say through a mouthful of his burger. Shepard laughs when she sees the huge bite he'd taken.

"Someone's hungry," she remarks in her usual dry manner.

"With all the work you've been putting me through in your bedroom, Commander, what else would you expect?" James grins after taking a gulp of his cold beer.

"And here I thought you'd be used to such vigorous exercise," she smirks before popping in a handful of fries into her mouth.

"Outta practise," James replies.

Her eyes widen slightly in surprise.

"Dry spell, Vega?"

"One  _hell_  of a dry spell," he nods after managing to swallow another mammoth mouthful of burger and onion rings. "Since before I was posted to guard you in Alliance HQ." He pauses as he surveys her surprised expression.

"Surprised?" he asks with a slight grin.

"Well… yeah," she nods, setting her burger down on her plate. "Cute, young marine like you? It's… not what I expected, I'll tell you that."

"Had a few bonitas hit on me whenever I hit the bar with my compadres, but…"

He looks away, feeling mortified when he realises he's blushing.

"But?" Shepard prompts him.

He slowly looks back up to meet her curious gaze, his appetite suddenly diminishing.

"After meeting you… I just… didn't wanna be with anyone, y'know?"

She smiles, the colour immediately flooding to her lightly freckled cheeks.

"Besides, I could say the same about you," he grins.

"Unlike you, Vega, I was placed under house arrest. Wasn't allowed to contact anyone." She pauses and smiles seductively. "Apart from you. And you were off limits," she adds.

James heart almost falls down to his stomach.

"Wait…" he slowly says, trying to contain his sudden excitement, "You mean you were hot for me back then, Lola?"

Shepard rolls her eyes and smiles as she revolves her beer bottle on the spot.

"Think I would've called you up to my cabin if this was just a novel crush, Lieutenant?" she asks with a raised brow.

James grins and looks down at his plate before glancing back up at her, shaking his head.

"Nah," he says, smiling at her affectionately. "Guess not."

A thought suddenly occurs to him and wipes his smile completely off his face.

"What?" Shepard asks, her brow furrowed.

James contemplates silently before responding, his eyes distant.

"You bummed about Major Alenko refusing to join the Normandy crew?" he asks her.

She straightens her back and leans away from him, her eyes looking down.

"It was his decision to make and he made it," she finally replies in an even tone. "The Normandy lost a great soldier, but I have to respect his decision."

"Do you miss him?"

He couldn't help himself. He had to ask.

Shepard's brown eyes immediately glance back up to meet his, their gaze piercing.

"I don't feel that way about him anymore, James," she tells him in a grave voice. "I wouldn't have involved myself with you if I did."

He could tell that his question offended her, and he's immediately flooded with guilt.

"Of course, Shepard," he says softly, leaning in towards the table to bring his face closer to hers. "I know that. I just wanted to know if… if you…"

"If I what?" she asks him sharply.

He looks down at his hands on the table, his throat dry.

"If you ever wonder how things would've worked out between the two of you if I never stepped into the picture," he finishes quietly.

She watches him silently for a while before leaning in and taking his hands in hers.

"Having you in the picture is one of the best things that ever happened to me, James," she murmurs, stroking the back of his hand with her thumb.

He smiles and raises her hands to his lips, kissing them lightly.

"You  _are_  the best thing that has ever happened to me,  _cariño_ ," he murmurs.

She smiles before forcing their hands back down and putting hers back under the table.

"Remember my no PDA policy, Lieutenant," she warns him playfully.

"You make it pretty darn impossible, bonita," he grins, picking his burger up and taking a bite, making a face as soon as the food's in his mouth. "Darn," he mutters through a mouthful. "It's gone cold."

"You like it hot, Vega?" Shepard smirks after taking a bite of her own burger.

James grins at the innuendo.

" _Burning_  hot," he almost whispers, leaning in closer to her. "On  _fire_."

Shepard laughs lightly and shakes her head before she gulps down her beer.

"You're somethin' else, James," she says, smiling at him affectionately.

"Look who's talkin'!" James laughs. "I'm not the one who came back from the dead and survived a literal suicide mission, jefe."

"Hmmm," she throws in a few fries into her mouth. "Good point."

They both descend into a comfortable silence as they finish up their (now cold) meal. James tries not to watch her as she chews on her food and looks around at the partially destructed Presidium with a slight frown on her face.

Both their eyes immediately flit to the Commander's omni-tool when a notification starts ringing from it.

"It's a message from Jack," Shepard murmurs, a small smile forming on her lips as she reads through it. "Says she's in Purgatory if I wanna catch up."

"Jack? That crazy biotic chick from Grissom Academy?" James asks.

"Yep."

"Huh. Kinda hot, that one."

"Really?" Shepard asks in mild amusement.

"If you're into that sorta thing, I mean," James quickly adds.

"Are you, Lieutenant?" Shepard smirks.

"If we're talkin' about the crazy part, then sure," James grins. "I mean, I'm into you, aren't I?" he winks.

Shepard rolls her eyes at him.

"Now you're making me blush," she says dryly.

"What can I say?" James smiles smugly. "It's a gift."

Shepard chuckles and shakes her head as she picks up a napkin and dabs it at her lips.

"But that Jack chick is a little too loco for my tastes, jefe," James continues.

"Oh yeah? Got a particular brand of crazy in mind, Vega?"

"Yeah," James replies softly. "I'm lookin' right at it."

Shepard blinks, saying nothing in response.

Completely disregarding the Commander's no PDA policy, he reaches his hand across the table and brushes a stray lock of hair away from her eyes.

"You're just my kinda crazy."


	14. Jealousy

James loves spontaneity.

He especially loves it when it involves being randomly called up to the Captain's Cabin, which is why he grins like a goofball when he reads the unexpected message that comes up on his omni-tool while he was polishing his armour down in the shuttle bay.

 **Shepard** :  _I've got some free time on my hands, LT. Wanna come up and give me some company?_

Feeling his heart skip a couple of beats and butterflies fluttering in his stomach, James immediately types back a response:

**JV** _: On my way_

By the time the message is sent, James is already in the elevator, preening himself in front of the distorted reflection in the steel sliding doors. In his excitement, he bumps into a solid object when the elevator doors slide open.

"Ouch!" a high, female voice exclaims from somewhere around his chest region. "Watch where you're going, James!"

He looks down with raised eyebrows to see Tali readjusting her mask. Or helmet. Or whatever that thing is.

"Oh, sorry, Sparks," he mumbles, feeling bewildered. He looks up to see the CIC before him.

 _Oh. Wrong floor_.

"It's all right," Tali replies. "Are you getting out here? I was just going down to the mess hall."

"Nah, I'm actually heading up to see the Commander," James replies as calmly and innocently as possible. Even though it's pretty obvious the two of them were an item, neither Shepard nor James openly admitted that fact. It was, after all, technically against Alliance regulations.

Not that anyone on the Normandy was going to report them. But still- better to err on the side of caution.

"Oh, okay. I'll just wait for the elevator to come back here, then," Tali says as she backs out of the elevator. James smiles at her before the elevator doors slide shut, briefly wondering whether she smiled back behind that helmet.

When James walks into the Captain's cabin, he sees Shepard sitting on the foot of her bed, intently pouring over a datapad in her hands. She looks up when she hears him enter and places the datapad down on the bed.

"This your idea of free time?" James grins as he casually walks towards her. He sits down beside her and wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her against him and kissing the top of her head.

She smiles as she inhales the scent of his aftershave. "Reviewing reports sort of counts as free time when you're in the middle of a galactic war," she replies.

James chuckles, his lips still pressed against her hair. She tilts her face up towards him, silently telling him to kiss her, which he does all too willingly. When he snakes his hands towards her breasts, Shepard turns her face away and gently takes his hands away from her chest.

"What's wrong?" James asks when he sees the discomfort in her face. Shepard stares at her boots for a while before looking back up at him.

"Hackett's ordering us to go on shore leave here on the Citadel," she replies quietly.

"Wait, you can do that?" James laughs in disbelief. "You can actually  _force_  people to go on shore leave? Like, against their  _will_?"

Shepard smiles at his reaction, but it doesn't reach her eyes.

"Says he wants us all with a clear head," she says. "Plus, the Normandy needs to be looked at. Poor girl's been through a lot these past few months."

James watches her silently, waiting for her to go on.

"But that's not what's bothering you," he says when she doesn't say anything.

Shepard exhales loudly and looks at him with tired eyes. He could tell she hasn't been getting much sleep lately, if any.

"No," she says. "It's not."

"Well, then what is it?" James asks, brushing the hair away from her left eye. His attempts were in vain, since her hair falls right back over her face when she looks down again.

"Lola," he murmurs lovingly into her ear. "Talk to me, amor."

"Kaidan sent me a message," she finally says. "Said he wants to see me. Privately," she adds, looking back up at James. He lets go of her hand and immediately stands up, beginning to pace before her.

"Did he say what about?" he asks after nearly a minute of silent pacing.

"No," Shepard shakes her head. "He just said he wants to buy me lunch or dinner and just… talk."

James stares at Shepard for a moment.

"Right," he nods, running his fingers through his Mohawk as he resumes his pacing. " _Talk_. When?"

"Sometime during shore leave. James, would you please sit down? This isn't worth getting all worked up over—"

"Does he know about us?" James asks, completely ignoring Shepard's request.

"Yeah," she nods. "Yeah, he does."

James nods to himself again, his eyes burning in anger.

"Well, then it's pretty darn obvious, isn't it?" he snaps.

"What is?" Shepard asks, completely bewildered.

"He wants to ruin this!" James exclaims heatedly. "To ruin  _us_!"

Shepard narrows her eyes at him.

"James, what the hell are you talking about? Could you please just sit down so we can talk about this calmly, for God's sake?"

"Pendejo bastard thinks he can just take you back whenever he feels like it—"

"James!"

James stops in his tracks and blinks, turning to see Shepard on her feet, looking  _extremely_  irritated.

"I need you to relax, James," she tells him in a soothing yet commanding voice. "Heck, if I thought you'd react so badly, I wouldn't have told you about it!"

James just stands there, breathing hard and feeling incredibly awkward as he stares at the Commander. He rubs the back of his neck and closes the distance between them, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close to him.

"Sorry, amor," he murmurs. "I… I don't know what came over me. I'm not usually such an asshole."

"No, you're not," Shepard says in a hard voice, but she smiles slightly all the same. "Now sit your ass back down so we can have an actual civil conversation."

"Yes, ma'am," he smiles back. He sits back down on the foot of the bed and takes her hands in his, patiently waiting for her to speak. She focuses her gaze on him and watches him gravely.

"James," she starts. "There's one thing you have to understand about me."

He silently watches her, waiting for her to go on.

"I'm not the kind of person who takes relationships lightly," she tells him in a very serious tone. "At all. When I decided to become involved with you, it wasn't a decision I made lightly or on a whim. I thought about it. God knows I did. And in the end, I saw that it was what I wanted. What I  _truly_  wanted."

She pauses for a moment before carrying on.

"I'm not some kid who can easily be swayed, James," she says. "If you're worried about Kaidan sweet-talking me into his arms again, it's just not gonna happen. I want  _you_ , not him."

She places her index finger under James' chin and tilts his face up to look at her.

"Are we clear, Lieutenant?" she asks him intently.

James brings her hands up to his lips and kisses them lightly, his eyes fixed on her face.

"Clear, jefe," he murmurs.

"Good," she nods back. A playful smile creeps across her lips as she watches his face. "Now come over here and kiss me."

James grins, leaning in closer to her face.

"Is that an order, Lola?" he teases.

"Damn straight it is," she purrs, pulling him in even closer.

His grin widens before he brings his lips to hers, kissing her gently. He pushes her onto her back on the bed and rests his body over hers, deepening the kiss. Her soft sighs fill his ears, and it's the most beautiful sound he's ever heard. He kisses her neck, and her legs curl around his waist, pressing him against her. Impatient in his almost maddening desire, he quickly brings his fingers to her shirt and starts to unbutton it, only to feel the Commander's own fingers grasp at his and gently pull them away.

"I'm afraid this is as far as we get today, Lieutenant," she says apologetically. "I'm still on my period. Today's supposed to be the last day."

James chuckles and buries his face between her neck and collar bone.

" _Now_  she tells me," he says breathlessly. "After things have gotten a little outta hand." He lightly presses himself against her to convey the ' _urgency_ ' of his situation.

Shepard laughs as she strokes the back of James' head.

"I clearly remember ordering you to  _kiss_  me, Lieutenant," she says playfully. "No more, no less."

"Hah!" James rolls off of her and onto his back, turning his face to smile at her. "Fair enough, Lola."

Shepard snuggles in and rests her head on James' chest. She closes her eyes and sighs in contentment when he wraps a strong arm around her and kisses the top of her head.

They spend several minutes like that, just lying there silently together, gazing out at the array of glittering stars beyond the skylight.

"I'm actually looking forward to our forced shore leave," James murmurs sleepily.

"Yeah," Shepard replies softly. "I think we've earned a bit of a rest."

"Rest?" He looks down and grins mischievously at her. "Who said anything about rest? We're gonna burn off a lotta calories this shore leave, Lola.  _A lot_  of calories."

Shepard laughs and blushes, snuggling in closer to him and closing her eyes.

"Lookin' forward to it, Lieutenant," she smiles before drifting off to sleep.


	15. Hot sauce

" _No…"_

" _No, wait—"_

" _Wait for me!"_

"NO!"

A cold, violent shock rocks through James' body, rousing him from his sleep. His eyes immediately fly open, his heart thumping manically in his chest. He sees the Commander sitting up beside him, breathing hard.

"Hey," he whispers, sitting up and wrapping his arms around her trembling shoulders. "You okay?"

"Yeah," she nods, her voice as shaky as her shoulders. "Bad dream, that's all."

"Same one?"

"Yeah," she nods again. "Same one."

The bed creaks as he shifts closer to her and softly kisses her cheek.

"You gonna be all right?"

She turns her face to meet her gaze, discomfort filling her dark eyes.

"'Course," she smiles weakly. She leans in and kisses him lightly before sliding out of bed and heading to the bathroom.

"Don't you wanna go back to sleep?" he asks as he watches her walk away. "You look like shit, Lola. No offence," he adds with an apologetic grin.

"I'll sleep when I'm dead," she replies without turning around.

"Gonna be a long ass time till you get some shut-eye, then, jefe," he says.

She responds by shooting him a little smirk before the bathroom door slides shut behind her.

Mindful of her need for privacy, he gets up, stretches, yawns, stretches again, smooths over the bed cover and heads out of the cabin.

"I'm heading down to grab something to eat, Lola," he says when he briefly stops by the bathroom door.

"'Kay," she calls out. "Oh, and James?"

"Si, amor?"

"Could you ask everyone to assemble in the CIC in an hour? I wanna tell them about our shore leave."

"Yes, ma'am."

"Thanks."

"Anytime, Lola."

As he smooths out his t-shirt and fixes his hair in the elevator, James can't help but worry about the Commander. Those dreams she's been having...

 _As if this fucking war wasn't enough_.

 _Fuck_.

 _Maybe some shore leave really is the best thing right now. Even though it seems absolutely loco to be on leave while thousands—maybe millions—of people are being slaughtered by the Reapers as we speak_.  _But Hackett's right; we can't win this thing if we're running on empty._

 _Especially the Commander_.

James arrives at the mess hall and sees Garrus and Cortez mucking around in the kitchen area.

"What's up, compadres?" James asks, joining the two of them as they stare into the confines of the fridge with blank faces.

"We're starving," Garrus responds in his usual drawl. "And Traynor here refuses to cook for us," he adds with an eye roll directed at Specialist Traynor, who's sitting at the dining table and pouring over a magazine as she eats what looks like some curry.

"I told you, I can't cook food for dextro-amino species!" she says over her magazine. "And the last time I cooked for Steve, he complained that my food gave him really bad gas," she adds with a glare directed at the flight lieutenant.

"Can't you cook anything  _other_ than curry?" Steve asks. "Anything a little more  _light_?"

"No," Traynor responds curtly, flipping the pages of her magazine.

" _Mee-yeow_ ," James teases with a little smirk directed at Traynor. She ignores him and continues to flip through the magazine. "Well, not to worry, Esteban, because Vega is here to save the day. Just like every other day."

James puffs out his chest and cracks his knuckles before pulling out some eggs from the fridge.

"What, your abuela's famous huevos rancheros again?" Steve asks with raised eyebrows.

"You weren't complainin' first time you had a taste, compadre," James replies as he pulls out a frying pan.

"Fair point," Steve says.

"Huevos rancheros…" Garrus repeats in a thoughtful tone. "I can't eat that," he finishes with a pout, which is almost indiscernible on a turian's face.

"Sorry, Scars," James says apologetically. "Can't help you there, buddy."

"What about Dr. Chakwas?" Steve suggests. "She can cook dextro-amino food, can't she?"

"Yeah, but I don't wanna bother her—"

"What about Tali? She's dextro-amino too, right?" James asks, ducking before the fridge again. "Ahh fuck. We're outta hot sauce."

"Sorry," a beautifully familiar voice says from behind James. He's already smiling when he turns and sees the Commander approaching them, rubbing her damp hair with a towel. "I dumped the rest of it onto my scrambled eggs last night."

"No sweat, Lo—I mean, Commander," James quickly corrects himself and awkwardly rubs the back of his neck when he remembers that practically the entire skeleton crew is rummaging around the mess hall.

"Put it on the week's grocery list," Shepard says. "We can stock up while we're on shore leave. Which reminds me: James, did you tell everyone to assemble in the CIC like I asked you?"

"Yes, ma'am," James nods. "They'll all be there when the hour's up."

"Good," Shepard nods back. It never fails to amaze James how hardened and impenetrable she seems to be when they're not alone together. She seemed so…  _vulnerable_  when she had that bad dream earlier. Lost, even. Yet, every trace of that vulnerability is now gone and replaced with calm and a silent, subtle yet crystal clear confidence.

"So…" she props her elbows on the kitchen counter and leans against it. "What are you boys up to?"

"Just whippin' up some grub for these compadres to eat," James replies smugly.

"You mean ' _compadre_ '," Garrus corrects him.

"Oh, yeah," James says. "Scars here can't eat our food without getting poisoned."

"You know how to cook, Garrus," Shepard says. "You used to cook all the time when we were with Cerberus."

"Yeah, but have you ever  _tasted_  the crap I used to cook?" Garrus asks incredulously.

"No," Shepard shrugs.

"Well, it tasted like crap," Garrus replies simply.

"Uhh, Garrus?" Tali's voice asks out of the intercom.

"Yes, Tali?"

"I have some left over lunch in the oven. You can have it if you like."

Garrus tip-toes to the oven and opens the door to peek inside.

"Smells good, Tali," he says as he pulls out the dish. "I owe you one."

"You're welcome!" she chirps.

"Mmmmm, smells good, James," Shepard says as she inhales the scent of fried eggs wafting from the stove. "You wouldn't mind including your Commanding Officer now, would you?" she smirks.

James looks over his shoulder and smiles at her, wanting nothing more than to cover that smirk with a kiss.

"When you put it that way, how could I refuse?" he winks, turning his attention back to the eggs. "Esteban, mind tossing a couple more eggs my way?"

"I'll do it," Shepard quickly says. She makes her way to the fridge and picks out two eggs. Unsure whether she does this intentionally or not, James feels the butterflies spring into life in his stomach when he feels her breasts lightly brush against his left arm as she hands him the eggs.

The look she gives him when he meets her eyes tells him it was anything but unintentional.

"What are you making anyway, Lieutenant?" she asks him casually.

He blinks at her with a slightly dazed expression before he shakes his head and snaps back into it.

"Uhh, just my abuela's special, Commander," he smiles as he flips over the new batch of frying eggs. "Minus the hot sauce."

"The usual, huh?" Shepard grins. "Well, I'm sure it'll taste just as good without the sauce," she smiles softly. "And I'm sure we can make up for the lack of  _heat_  later," she adds in the lowest and most seductive purr. James almost drops the pan in his hands and tries his best to suppress a shiver as she struts off with a knowing smile on her face.

 _Dios. She's driving me loco here_.

"This is really good!" Garrus murmurs after a mouthful of Tali's lunch. "Too bad I like you too much, Shepard, or I would've risked getting you poisoned by asking you to taste this."

"Awww, I'm flattered, Garrus," Shepard replies dryly.

"Now, now- don't let it get to your head," Garrus smirks.

"I'll try," Shepard chuckles.

And at that moment, James wishes there was a rewind button in life.

Because all he wants to do is just rewind to that little chuckle and play it over and over again.

It was  _beautiful_ to him.

Absolutely  _beautiful_.

And with his back turned to her as he plates the fried eggs onto three plates, it occurs to him that she'll never have any idea how much she means to James Vega.

How the sound of her pleasant laugh makes it seem like everything is perfect.

Just as it is.


	16. Sushi

"You know, Lola… never thought I'd say this, but I'm getting kinda jealous of flight boy," James grins as he watches the Commander button up her Alliance shirt from his place on her bed. "If he wans't so crazy about EDI, I'd think he's trying to steal my lady."

She smiles at him and grabs a brush from the coffee table.

"Never been to the Silversun Strip," she says as she runs the brush through her dark locks. "Didn't get a chance to look around on my way to Anderson's apartment. Any idea what it's like?"

"It's pretty cool," James shrugs. "Nothin' too special. They got a casino there that's supposed to be great, but I've never been to it. And that sushi place you're going to has people going loco, from what I hear."

"What's so special about it?" Shepard asks with a raised brow.

"Well, it's French and expensive. For some reason, people tend to go loco over that combo. Kinda like how I tend to go loco for Commander brunettes with deep voices and hot bods," he adds with a wink and a cheeky grin.

"Is that supposed to make a girl blush?" Shepard smirks, her cheeks going noticeably pink.

"Clearly, since it's obviously working on you," he grins widely.

"Yeah, yeah, don't flatter yourself, Lieutenant. Anyway, I'm runnin' late. Joker's gonna get grumpy."

"Isn't that sorta Joker's default mood?"

Shepard smiles as she tucks her pistol into its holster and starts making her way to her cabin's door.

"What, you're just gonna leave your man without a kiss goodbye?" James sits up and asks with feigned hurt. "Harsh, Lola.  _Harsh_."

Shepard pauses and turns around, looking at James with an amused expression. She folds her arms across her chest and leans backwards on her left leg, eyeing the bed sheets draping his lower nude physique with a slight smirk.

"Well?" she says, tapping her right foot as a show of impatience. "I'm waiting, Lieutenant."

Grinning, James slides off the edge of the bed, allowing the white bed sheets to slip off him and fall to the floor. His eyes intently fixed on hers, he covers the distance between them, wraps his arms around her waist and kisses her. She sighs into his mouth and presses herself against his nude body, smiling when she feels his obvious  _excitement_  against her.

"Woah there, soldier," she grins up at him.

"You got another five minutes to spare, don't you, Lola?" he purrs, stroking the cleft on her chin with his thumb.

"No, Lieutenant, I don't," she smiles as she gently steps away from his fiery hot body.

Smiling, he pulls her back in against him and slowly runs the tip of his tongue along her lower lip, feeling triumphant when he feels her knees practically buckling beneath her.

"You sure about that, Lola?" he whispers, planting a trail of light kisses down her neck.

"James," she warns him, her breath hitching. "This isn't the time, buddy. I'm  _late_."

When he hears the unmistakeable commanding tone of her voice, he gently pulls away, though he doesn't unwrap his arms from around her waist.

"All right, Lola, you win," he grins. "Just thought I'd try my luck, jefe. You know how it is," he adds with a little wink. She smiles and rolls her eyes at him.

"Can I at least have one more little beso, mi amor?" he whispers, resting his forehead against hers.

"I assume that means 'kiss', Lieutenant?" she smiles and kisses him softly without waiting for a response.

"There," she murmurs against his lips. "Satisfied?"

"For now," he grins. Shepard laughs and steps away from him, shaking her head in amusement.

"All right, then," she says. "I'm off. Catch you later."

She turns and heads towards the door, but pauses halfway.

"Oh, and uhh…" she turns to look at him, a seductive smile playing on her face. "We've got an entire apartment to ourselves tonight, Lieutenant. Don't forget to pack your things and bring 'em over."

"Oh, I won't, Lola," he grins.

She smiles and sweeps her eyes over his sculpted physique one last time before turning back towards the door.

"Hey, Lola?" James asks as the door slides open.

"Yes, James?"

 _Go on, pendejo_.  _You can say it. You've said it before, so stop being such a chicken_.

"I can use your shower, right?"

 _Pathetic_.

She chuckles lightly and calls out "it's all yours, James," just before the door slides shut behind her.

James just stands there for a while, smiling to himself as he looks at the closed cabin door, before shuffling off to the shower.

 _Next time, Vega. Next time, you'll tell her_.

* * *

"Going somewhere, Vega?" Cortez calls from across the shuttle bay. James pauses midway through stuffing some clean underwear into his backpack.

"What, you keepin' tabs on me, Esteban?" he calls back.

"It's kinda hard to ignore the fact that you're running around like a headless chicken to pack your things in my line of vision," Cortez replies humorously. "You're not deserting us, are you, Lieutenant?"

James laughs and resumes his packing, although at a less frantic pace now.

"Don't worry, Esteban," he says. "You'll still have your eye candy when shore leave's over. I ain't goin' nowhere."

"Sure you aren't," Cortez smiles and murmurs to himself.

Much more aware of his obvious excitement, James tones it down and checks that he's packed everything he needs for the next two days of leave.

 _Shore leave in the middle of a galactic war_ , he thinks to himself.  _This shit's getting more loco by the second_.

He zips up his bag and places it beside one of his pull up bar's supports. He stretches and cracks his knuckles as he looks around the nearly deserted shuttle bay.

"Feels weird, going on shore leave in the middle of a war, doesn't it?" he asks Cortez, who is busy typing away at his terminal.

"Normandy's due for some retrofits," Cortez replies without taking his eyes off the screen. "Even the old girl's gotta take a break sometime."

"Yeah but… to go on leave! I mean, we're all just gonna be hanging around, doing our thing while millions of people out there are dying!" He shakes his head in disbelief, frustration quickly boiling up inside him. "It's just  _wrong_."

His anger catches him by surprise. He doesn't remember feeling even remotely as frustrated as he does now when the Commander first told him about Admiral Hackett's bizarre order. Sure, he was confused. A bit dumbfounded even, but not angry to the point of wanting to punch something.

"Gah!" James grunts as he aims an incredibly charged punch at his punching bag.

"You okay, Vega?" Cortez asks with a startled expression.

"Yeah," he grimaces as he rubs his knuckles. "Just wanted to punch something."

"Nothing new, then," Cortez smiles and turns his attention back to his terminal.

He knew the reason for his lack of frustration when the Commander told him about the break, of course. He knew it all too well.

 _It's impossible to get angry at anything when I'm with her_.

 _Impossible_.

_Well, apart from any mention of her ex wanting to see her, I mean._

_That self-righteous pendejo bastard!_

James growls and aims a string of charged punches at his swinging punching bag. He doesn't stop until he's panting with his heart racing in his chest. He looks over as he catches his breath to find Cortez watching him again.

"Don't worry, Cortez," James calls out. "Just—"

"Felt like punching something," Cortez finishes with a smile. "I know. Just… just let me know if you wanna talk or something, okay? It won't do you good to keep things bottled up, James."

"You a counsellor on the side, Esteban?" James jokes.

"No, but I am a friend," Cortez replies calmly. "And friends are there for each other, good or ill."

James blinks and looks at Cortez with a thoughtful expression, the Flight Lieutenant's sincerity truly touching him.

"Thanks, Esteban," he says. "Right back at ya, compadre."

He checks the time on his omni-tool when he hears his stomach rumble.

"It's already 2 pm. Wanna go and get a bite to—"

" _Joker to Normandy! Come in Normandy_!"

James and Cortez nearly jump when they hear Joker's panicked tones yelling into their ear pieces.

"Joker! James here. What's wrong? Is the Commander all right?"

"Well, unless you call falling into a fish tank in the middle of a shootout all right, no, she's not!"

"Dios!" James immediately starts running towards the armoury and puts on his gear, his heart pounding frantically with fear. "What the fuck happened? Where is she now?"

"A group of random lunatics just started shooting at us in the restaurant, and no, she's not. She told me to go get help before she…uhh… fell. I'm in a shuttle now, trying to get to her location, but getting into radio contact with her is a pain. She must've fallen down real low—there's barely any connectivity."

"Shit!" he sprints to the elevator and takes it to the CIC. "That's all you know?"

"Last thing I heard was that she's heading to a Skycar lot. Cision Motors or something."

"I'm heading there right now. I'll try to get into radio contact with her, but keep me posted if you learn anything new."

James sprints through the deserted CIC, through the airlock and out into the docking bay landing. He runs straight to rapid transit and hails a cab, his hands shaking uncontrollably.

 _She's fine_ , he tells himself over and over.  _Your girl happens to be Commander Shepard, Vega. Commander freakin'_ _ **Shepard**_ _. The same woman who defeated Sovereign and came back from the dead to blow up the Collector base. She's totally kicking ass right now_.

He tries to contact her, but the connection is scrambled.

"Fuck!" he swears out loud, completely ignoring the stares that earns him from passers-by. He waits for a few more seconds before he gives up and decides to go on foot. He sets the Skycar lot's navpoint on his omni-tool and runs, all the while attempting to reach Shepard's comm link.

He almost trips when he hears shooting in his ear piece.

"Shepard? Shepard, can you hear me?"

"James?" she yells over the shooting

He almost cries out in relief when he hears her deep, commanding and in-control voice on the other end.

" _Gracias a dios_! Sounds like a shit storm out there! You okay?"

"I'm fine," she replies. "Might need a little back up."

"I'm on my way, Cariño, just hang on," he assures her, picking up his pace when he sees the large, neon Cision Motors logo in the dear distance.

"Wait—you know where I am?" she asks in a puzzled tone.

"Joker filled me in. I'm on foot. I'll be there as fast as I can."

"Excuse me, who is this?" an unfamiliar female voice suddenly asks into his ear piece. "Commander Shepard's comm channel is hacked! You're putting her in danger!"

"What? Wait, who is this?"

"It's fine, Brooks, he's with me," the Commander's voice replies. "I'll explain later, James. Now, would you guys let me focus on not getting my ass shot out there?"

"Oh, right. Sure. Of course. Sorry, Commander," Brooks stammers.

_Who the hell is this pile of crazy?_

James sprints up a staircase leading to the lot's landing pad and is almost immediately has to take cover from the myriad of weapons that start firing on him.

"Fucking pendejos," he growls through gritted teeth. He takes down the enemy wave by wave, fighting his way through the lot until he takes cover behind a car close to a side door. He takes down the remaining two mercs just as the side door slides open.

" _Dios mio!_ "

James drops his shotgun on the floor and runs towards the door, where Shepard is just staring to lower her own weapon. He takes her in his arms and just holds her tight for a few moments.

"James, you're killin' me here," Shepard says in a muffled voice. He opens his eyes and notices that she doesn't have any armour on.

"Oh. Sorry, Lola," he mumbles as he steps away.

She smiles and kisses him softly before she pulls away and starts walking further into the lot.

"Come on," she says as she scans the area. "We need to find a way outta here."

"The gate's open," James replies.

"No, it's not."

"Yes it is! I just came through—"

James stops midsentence when he sees the red light illuminating the gate's lock.

"But I just came through!" he insists.

"Maybe the mercs locked us in," Shepard replies grimly, her dark eyes scanning the perimeter again. "Stay sharp, Lieutenant."

Their weapons raised, they circle the lot in search of an exit.

"So. Lola. I heard you fell down a fish tank," James grins.

"We'll talk about it later."

"It's a damn shame, Commander," James continues, his grin growing wider. "That sushi place was the best in the Citadel, from what I've heard. And now it's… well… history because Commander Shepard fell through the fish tank. Front page news, no doubt!"

"You know, you can really be a pain in the ass sometimes, Vega."

"Hah!" he laughs as he steps over a dead merc. "I love you too, Lola."

 _There_.

 _Said it_.


	17. Confession

"Hey! Pervo! Did I just see you staring at my chica's ass?"

"I assure you, I wasn't, sir."

"Good," James replies loudly. "And you'd better make sure it stays that way, pendejo."

"What did you just call me?" the guard demands.

" _Pen_ — _de_ — _jo_ ," James says with deliberate emphasis. His eyes flit over to the side to see whether the Commander's done disabling the sensor. When he spots her stepping away from it and casually starting a conversation with an extremely loud and obnoxious girl, he quickly mutters a "later" to the guard and casually strolls towards where she's standing.

"All done, Lola?" he whispers into her ear. She smiles and nods once without breaking eye contact with the girl she's chatting up.

"Oh?" the girls stops blabbering and eyes James from top to bottom. "And who's your friend? Another B-lister?"

"Uhhh, yeah," Shepard hastily replies, ignoring James' incredulous expression. "Listen, it was nice talking to you, Miss…?"

"Aishwarya," the girl responds haughtily.

"Right. Well, enjoy the rest of the party," Shepard calls out as she takes James' hand and yanks him away to the other end of the casino.

"New friend?" James smirks.

"Please," Shepard rolls her eyes. "That girl's practically got 'stupid' written on her forehead. Can you believe she thinks that 'masochist' is a star sign? A  _star sign_!"

James laughs and wraps his arm around Shepard's waist.

"Did I tell you that you're looking way too sexy tonight, Lola?" James asks her casually.

"Only about seven times already, James," she smiles. "But, it wouldn't hurt to hear it again," she adds in a seductive, bedroom-eyed purr.

"Careful, Lola," he warns her. "That little black dress you're wearing's already got me going empty on self-control."

She smiles and shakes her hair out of her eyes.

 _Dios. She's beautiful_.

He suddenly snakes his arms around her waist and pulls her to him.

"Quick, kiss me," he mutters urgently, covering her lips with his without waiting for a response from her. He kisses her in a manner so overtly passionate that makes a few sober bystanders gape at them. She's surprised at first, before she sighs into his mouth, her knees buckling beneath her.

After what seems like ages, he gently pulls away and opens his eyes, smiling at the bemused expression on her flushed face.

"Was a guard watching us?" she whispers, her eyes flitting to the two guards within her line of vision.

"Nope," James grins. "Just acted on an impulse."

He laughs when she rolls her eyes and shoves him lightly.

"Hey, I'm only human, right?"

"A ridiculous human," Shepard smiles, shaking her head in amusement. "C'mon. Brooks is waiting for us. Time to get this show over with."

"Good," James says as he follows the Commander through the crowd. "The sooner we get this over with, the sooner I can have you all to myself for the rest of the night.

"Got anything specific in mind, Lieutenant?" Shepard asks with a mischievous smile.

"Oh, you have  _no_  idea, Lola. Tonight's gonna be a night you won't forget."

* * *

"What's the matter, Vega? You look a bit glum tonight."

James looks up at Garrus sitting opposite him in the shuttle.

"Well," James replies, his eyes moving to where the Commander's standing behind Cortez as he flies them to the Citadel archives, "this isn't exactly how I pictured spending the rest of the night, compadre."

"Oh?" Garrus perks up in his seat, his pale blue eyes lighting up. "How  _did_  you picture spending the night, Jimmy? Enlighten an old pal, would you?"

"Let's just say I was expecting to be in a lot less armour."

"What, you're telling me that you and the Commander never use the armour for a little role-playing?" Garrus smirks.

James raises and eyebrow and lets out a short laugh.

"Is that a turian thing?" he asks with amusement.

"It is, actually," Garrus replies. "I remember this one turian had a fetish for armour. Always used to force me to put it on before we—"

"All right, big guy, I think I've heard enough," James laughs. "Turians have an armour fetish. Why am I not surprised?"

"We're almost there, guys," the Commander calls out from the front of the shuttle. "Prepare for landing."

James and Garrus respond by putting on their helmets.

"Oooh, this is so exciting!" Brooks squeals. "No. I mean scary. Or scary-exciting. Or—urgh, never mind."

James shakes his head, feeling incredulous.

"Hey," he whispers at Garrus. "Is it just me, or is this Brooks chica loco?"

"She's definitely… strange," Garrus murmurs back. "Unbalanced, even. Honestly, I don't even know what Shepard was thinking, bringing her along."

"That makes two of us," James says, watching Brooks as she fumbles with her seatbelt. "The girl can't say two words without tripping all over the place."

"Heh," Garrus chuckles. "Kinda like you whenever Shepard's around."

"Shepard's around right now," James replies. "See me tripping all over the place, Vakarian?"

"No, but that's only because a seatbelt is safely strapping you to your seat."

As if to prove Garrus' point, James loses any semblance of cognitive ability when Shepard turns around and flashes him a small smile before putting on her helmet. He silently thanks God that he already has his helmet on, because the expression on his face when the Commander smiled at him?

Let's just say Garrus would've had a field day.

* * *

"Did that just happen?" James asks in complete disbelief as he brushes his teeth in Anderson's master bedroom's bathroom. "Did we just spend the entire day chasing your freakin'  _clone_ , Lola?"

"Apparently, we did," Shepard's voice responds from the bedroom.

" _Dios_ ," James exclaims. "And I thought we've seen all kinds of crazy and then some. This is just… I mean…  _damn_."

He rinses and wipes his mouth with a towel before strutting back into the bedroom, pausing when he sees Shepard fixated on the datapad in her hands, dressed only in her underwear. It takes her a few seconds before she realises that he's staring at her.

"What?" she asks impatiently.

"Dios, Lola!" he replies, immediately rushing over to her. "How the fuck did you get this?!"

"Get what?" she asks in confusion. She follows James' horrified gaze and feels surprised when she sees a large, very serious and angry-looking purple bruise along the side of her left thigh.

"Oh," she says simply. "Funny. Didn't even feel that one. I have no idea how or when I got it." She turns back to the datapad, completely dismissing the gravity of her injury.

"Shepard, are you fucking insane?" James almost yells. "I mean, look at the size of that thing! At least apply some medi-gel or something!"

Shepard looks back at James with an exasperated expression.

"It's just a bruise, James," she says in her usual dry manner. "Relax. I've had worse. I mean, I got spaced and died, remember? I think I can handle a little bruising."

"But—I mean—Doesn't it hurt?" James asks. "Looks fucking painful!"

She pokes at the bruise with her fingers and winces slightly.

"A little, yeah. But only if I touch it."

James sighs and relaxes, though he still can't tear his eyes away from the deep, dark, purple shade. The contrast against her pale skin doesn't help, either.

He sighs and hugs her from behind, resting his chin on her left shoulder.

"Are you gonna keep reading that thing for long?" he whispers into her ear in between the light kisses he plants on the side of her neck.

"It's a report from Hackett," she mumbles distractedly. "Shore leave's over, that's for sure."

"That bad, huh?"

"It's a  _war_. Is it ever  _not_  bad?" she sighs.

James kisses her neck again until he feels her relax against him.

"Come on, baby," he murmurs. "Let's go to bed. You can read the rest of the report tomorrow."

"You're right." She gently frees herself from James' embrace and sets down the datapad on the desk before stretching and yawning loudly.

" _God_ , I'm tired," she mumbles. "Some shore leave, huh, James?"

"I knew it was too good to be true," James grins as he leads her to the bed. "But hey, 'least the Normandy's had her rest."

"We're gonna have one hell of a party when this war's over," Shepard says sleepily, pulling back the covers and crawling into the bed. "Right here in this apartment. And Anderson will be with us."

James smiles as he slides in next to her.

"Hell, yeah," he says. "It'll be a fiesta like no other. And Vega here knows how to work fiestas," he adds with a wink.

She smiles up at him and gently places her hand over his cheek. As he gazes back at her and feels the warmth of her body against his, an overwhelming sense of desperation floods him, and he kisses her softly. Carefully. Like she's the most fragile thing in existence.

"Pity your clone had to kill itself," he murmurs against her lips.

"What, one girlfriend isn't enough for you, Vega?" Shepard smirks.

He chuckles as he strokes her hair away from her eyes.

"I don't think I'd be able to handle two of you, Lola," he smiles. He falls silent for a moment, still stroking her hair. "No…" he carries on, "Pity it had to kill itself because now I can't lock you up and keep you safe while it takes care of the war." He watches her intently as he feels his emotions building up inside him.

"I can't lose you, Shepard," he says in raw, grave voice. "I won't."

They haven't turned off the bedside lamps yet, so he can clearly see her smile disappear and her brown eyes widen when he says that. Apparently at a loss of words to say, she gently pulls his face closer to hers and kisses him softly.

"I love you, James," she whispers.

He stares at her silently, allowing the words he's been dying to hear from her for the longest time to sink in, before he takes her in his arms and holds her against him, feeling her heart beat rapidly against his chest.

"I love you, too," he whispers.

 _I just wish you knew how much_.


	18. Return

"I'm disappointed, Shepard," Garrus says from his place at the dining table in the Normandy's mess hall. "I thought we'd have a celebration of sorts after that whole chasing-and-killing-your-clone business."

"We'll have a party when this war's over," Shepard replies simply. James watches her from the corner of his eye as she swallows her steak and takes a sip of beer.

There was something about the way she uttered that last sentence that worried James. He thought he heard disbelief in her tone; like she didn't really mean what she said. Like she only said that to placate Garrus and the rest of the crew (apart from Joker and EDI) as they munched on their lunch.

A brief, uncomfortable silence ensues.

"James, pass the salt," Liara says politely, finally breaking the tension.

"Sure."

Another stretch of silence follows.

"So…" James looks at the Commander. "Where to now?"

"Gonna check on that distress signal from Mesana first," Shepard replies. "And Traynor's picked up something about ex-Cerberus scientists we could use to work on the Crucible."

Traynor smiles and looks down at her food, looking very pleased with herself.

"Joker?" the Commander says out loud. "How much longer till we're ready for take-off?"

"Ummm… I'd say about two hours, tops," Joker's voice echoes throughout the mess. "Those CAT6 bastards really put my baby through hell," he adds in a low, menacing growl.

"I never quite understood the human use of the term 'baby' to denote affection or a strong emotional attachment to an object or person," EDI's voice says through the intercom. "Why would a synonym for the term 'infant' be used as a term of romantic endearment?"

"You know you love it when I call you baby," Joker says in a seductive purr. James raises an eyebrow and exchanges a weirded-out look with Garrus.

"Jeff, you are aware that the intercom is still in use, correct?" EDI asks him nonchalantly. "The entire crew can still hear us."

"Oh," Joker pauses awkwardly. "Well, shit. Anything else you need before I switch this thing off for some privacy, Commander?"

"Nope," Shepard replies with a smile. "We'll leave you two to it."

James waits for a few seconds before he speaks.

"How does that even work?" he asks with bewilderment. "EDI and Joker, I mean. How do they…?"

"They don't," Liara replies with a kind smile. "There's nothing physical about their relationship. Which is a good thing, considering Joker's bones can snap at any moment."

"Well, they do kiss," Shepard says. "I walked in on them once in the bridge."

"What?" James asks in disbelief. "Seriously? Flight boy kisses hard, metallic lips?"

"I heard that, James," EDI's voice blares through the intercom again. "For your information, my 'lips' are made from a material that is almost as soft as your own."

"Almost as soft as mine, huh?" James grins, his eyes automatically flitting over to Shepard, who is smiling even though her eyes are glued to her plate. "Must be pretty darn soft, then."

Garrus rolls his eyes with exaggeration at that.

"I meant human lips in general—"

"EDI, switch that damned thing off," Joker's annoyed voice whines. " _Privacy_ , remember?"

"Ah, bio-synthetic love," Garrus sighs dramatically after the intercom goes silent again. "Really warms the heart."

The entire table breaks into light chuckles before Joker's voice blares through the intercom again.

"Uh, Commander?" he asks hesitantly.

"Yes, Joker?"

"Kaidan's right outside the airlock. Says he needs to talk to you."

Every single muscle in James' body clenches. He stops chewing the food in his mouth, waiting for the Commander's response.

Shepard pauses for a while as she thinks things through.

"Let him in," she says as she gets up to leave the table. James notices that she's deliberately avoiding his penetrating gaze.

Almost involuntarily, he grabs her arm when she walks past him, stopping her in her tracks.

The entire table falls silent. James can almost  _feel_  everyone's gaze boring into him and the Commander as he holds her in place, refusing to loosen the iron-clad grip he has on her forearm.

"James," Shepard tersely says. "Let go of my arm, James."

He clenches his jaw as he contemplates her request. Somewhere, deep in the confines of his seething mind, he realises that they're practically being watched by the entire crew and that he's embarrassing the ship's Captain—his superior—in front of them all, causing him to immediately albeit reluctantly let go of her arm. When he looks down at it, he sees that his grip left an angry red mark on her light olive skin.

She stalks off towards the elevator before he could utter an apology.

The silence around the table that follows that little incident is verging on the unbearable.

"So!" Garrus finally says. "Anyone up for a game of poker? Vega here claims to be the reigning champ, you know."

A general murmur of assent fills the air, but James can hardly hear it. He stares at his unfinished plate for a few seconds before he loudly pushes his chair away from the table and stands up to leave. Silence fills the mess once again as all eyes around the table watch him walk away. No one dares to call out after him. Not even Garrus.

His mind numb with fury, he slams his fist against the elevator button and takes it down to the shuttle bay. He doesn't know why he goes down there. It's certainly not where the Commander and that bastard Alenko would be.

He storms out of the elevator as soon as the doors slide open and begins to pace like a madman.

_Mother fucker!_

He repeats that over and over again, sometimes in his mind, sometimes in whispers, and sometimes in shouts, all the while fighting the urge to storm up to wherever the two of them are and beat the major into a bloody pulp.

"FUCK!"

He slams his fist against the weapons' bench, the sound echoing throughout the otherwise deserted shuttle bay.

_I can't take this_ , he says over and over again in his mind.  _I can't fucking take this!_

His breath comes up quick and shallow as he leans against his palms on the weapon bench, his mind and heart racing. For a few more agonising seconds, he stares down at the bench as he struggles to make up his mind.

"Fuck this shit, I'm going," he finally mutters and pushes off from the bench. He strides back to the elevator with solid determination, his fists balled at his sides.

His intuition tells him to bypass the second deck and head straight up to the Captain's cabin.

_That fucking asshole's probably trying to get into her pants. Fucking pendejo. I'll show him. I swear I'll—_

As soon as the elevator doors slide open, James' ears are met with the sounds of yelling. Disbelief quickly replacing his fury, he steps out of the elevator and stands by the closed doors, listening intently.

" _God dammit, Kaidan!"_  he hears Shepard's exasperated voice. " _You left me! Remember? On Horizon? When I so clearly asked you to join me! To fucking be with me! And what did you do? You walked away! You fucking walked away without so much as a backward glance. So don't you tell me it's my fault. Don't you dare_."

" _You were with Cerberus!_ " Kaidan explodes. " _I thought you were dead! Two years, Shepard! Two years of pain and mourning and agony and guilt! What was I supposed to do? Just drop everything and abandon the Alliance to join you and a terrorist organisation? Hell, I didn't even know if it was really you! You could've been a clone, for all I knew! Didn't you just spend the last 48 hours going after your clone? The clone that Cerberus constructed using your DNA?_ "

A pause ensues, which nearly drives James mad with anticipation.

"I thought you knew me well enough to realise it was really me," Shepard finally responds quietly.

"I—Of course I know you!" Kaidan splutters. "It's just—the shock of seeing you alive… I couldn't believe my eyes, Shepard. I thought I'd lost you forever, and then there you were, standing in front of me.  _Alive_."

James hears the Major take in a deep, rattled breath.

"Shepard," Kaidan murmurs softly. James grits his teeth and curls his fists into balls in a renewed wave of fury. "What we had… what we've been through… you can't just throw all of that away because of one mistake. I admit it, I shouldn't have just walked away like that on Horizon. I should've handled that better. But that shouldn't come in the way of what we had. I… you're the only woman I've ever loved, Shepard. And I mean  _really_  loved. You're special to me. You always were and you always will be. I… I love you."

_Fucking bastard!_

It's taking every drop of willpower within James to not just storm into the cabin and beat the shit out of the Major.

But he realises that this conversation is his chance to learn how much the Commander values him and their relationship. What if he was just a rebound after a devastating breakup? Granted, it took her six months to finally open up to him, but that doesn't completely cancel out the painful possibility that James is nothing more than a rebound, and now that Kaidan is back, begging for her forgiveness, she can finally ditch the Lieutenant and be with the man she truly loves.

As that thought crosses James' already agonised mind, he feels his knees buckle beneath him.

The possibility of her leaving him… he doesn't want to think about it.

He  _can't_.

"It's too late, Kaidan," Shepard replies quietly.

A pause.

"Wha—what do you mean?" Kaidan stutters. "Too late? Too late  _how_?"

"You're too late," she repeats firmly. "I'm… I'm with someone else."

Another pause, longer this time.

"Someone else?" Kaidan repeats in a voice barely above a whisper. James' ear is practically glued against the cold metallic door at this point.

"Yes," Shepard says.

"Who is it?"

James stops breathing as he focuses all his might on his hearing capabilities.

"James Vega," Shepard replies.

" _What_?" Kaidan asks incredulously. "That kid we met in Vancouver? The one who threw a hissy fit over Mars?!"

_Mother fuck-_

"Don't talk about him like that," Shepard snaps. "James isn't a kid. You have no idea what he's been through. He's a hell of a lot more mature than pretty much everyone on this ship."

James can hear the sound of feet frantically pacing. The Major's feet, surely.

"Do you love him?" Kaidan finally asks. James can hear fear in his raspy voice.

"Yes," Shepard responds almost immediately. "I… I didn't expect it, but I do."

A big, stupid grin gets plastered on James' face. He can't help it.

_She loves me_.

"For how long?" Kaidan's disbelieving voice pulls James out of his bliss and back into the present.

"Excuse me?" Shepard asks in confusion.

"For how long have you been together?" Kaidan clarifies impatiently.

"Long enough to know that he's what I want," she replies.

It's getting increasingly difficult for James to contain his ecstatic happiness from his spot by the door. He bites down on his still smiling lips, a wave of emotion flooding through him as he hears Shepard's voice confirm the depth of her affection for him.

"I… I see," Kaidan says. He takes a deep, steadying breath. "Okay. Well, that… that changes things."

Sensing that the conversation has come to an end (and feeling very much satisfied with the outcome), James slowly begins to back away from the door and towards the elevator. He takes it back down to the shuttle bay, feeling lighter than air, the rage and desperation he felt only a few minutes ago nothing more than a particularly unpleasant nightmare. Somewhere in the midst of his mind-numbing happiness, James can't help but feel a little guilty. He should've trusted the Commander. He shouldn't have allowed himself to entertain the possibility of her abandoning him for Kaidan so quickly and easily. She's above that.  _Way_ above that. That's why it took her so much time to finally let him into her life. She doesn't take these things lightly.

And neither does James. Which is probably why he spent the last half hour driving himself insane over this entire thing.

When he strides back into the shuttle bay, it's like the James that stormed into it thirty minutes ago was a completely different human being, with absolutely nothing to do with James Vega.

His mind buzzing, he looks around the deserted bay for something to do. First, he plays latino dance music on his omni-tool. Then, after quickly spotting the disorganised weapons on the weapons' bench (the result of his recent outburst) he starts to polish and rearrange them.

_She loves me_ , he repeats over and over again in his mind, that same goofy grin still glued to his face.  _She loves me and she wants me. Me! James fucking Vega, the luckiest pendejo in the known galaxy._

Just as he sets down the M-27 Scimitar shotgun back onto the bench, James jumps slightly when he feels a pair of slender yet strong arms wrap around his waist from behind. He sighs quietly and closes his eyes, losing himself in the warmth of her body pressed against his.

"I didn't hear you come in," James says after turning off the music.

"Did I scare you?" Shepard asks him smoothly.

"No," he whispers, trembling when he feels her lightly kiss his upper back. He sets down his polishing cloth and turns around to face her. Shepard smiles up at him, and it strikes him how relaxed and peaceful her smile is, given the altercation she just came out of.

"We've still got a few hours before departure," she says. "Wanna take a walk down at the Presidium?"

James grins and leans in to kiss her gently.

"Sounds like a plan to me," he smiles.

"Good," Shepard smiles back as they walk to the elevator, James' arm wrapped protectively around her slim waist. "Maybe you could treat me to some ice cream," she adds, looking up at him with a tender expression.

"Whatever you want, mi amor."

Shepard rests her head against James' shoulder as they wait for the elevator to arrive at the second deck.

"He's gone, by the way," she suddenly says. "Kaidan, I mean."

"What did he want?" James asks innocently.

_Like she's gonna tell me_.

"Wanted to see if he could re-join the Normandy crew. Told him he'd be better off working under Hackett."

"Ouch," James smirks. "Harsh, Lola. Harsh."

Shepard glances up at him with a look of surprise.

"I thought you would've liked that, Lieutenant," she says as they walk out into the CIC (with all traces of a physical relationship hidden in their now professional demeanour).

"Oh, believe me, Lola, I do," James says seriously.

"It's true, though," Shepard continues. "The tension his presence would cause here could be a distraction. We don't need any of that."

"No, we don't," James nods in agreement.

They exit the airlock and enter the docking bay in silence, still maintaining a professional and respectable distance between themselves. Apart from the fact that Alliance regulations are strict when it comes to fraternisation between military personnel, the Commander's strict no-PDA policy is still very much in effect. So she totally takes James by surprise when she snakes her fingers into his hand as they walk along the Presidium lake. He sees that as a green light and lifts her hand up to his lips.

"What, no more anti-PDA policy, Lola?" he grins down at her. She looks up and smiles at him, looking happier than he's seen her in months.

"I think we could loosen it up a bit," she replies. "Just for today."

James grins and stops walking, forcing her to stop too. He gazes into her deep brown eyes, her face gently cupped in his calloused palms, before he leans in to kiss her. She stiffens a bit, but she doesn't push him away.

"I said loosen it up a  _bit_ , Lieutenant," she smirks.

"You know me, Lola," James grins. "I'm terrible at following orders."

Shepard chuckles as they resume their stroll.

"I'm glad you're here, James," she says after a brief silence. He looks down at her and smiles warmly, the tenderness in her voice catching him off guard. He wraps his arm around her shoulder and pulls her in against him, kissing the top of her head.

"I'm not going anywhere, Lola," he murmurs.

"I know," Shepard smiles and rests her head against his shoulder.

"Hey, Lola?" James asks after another stretch of silence.

"Yes, James?"

"I'm glad you're here, too."

She smiles and kisses his shoulder.

"Why don't you come up later and show me exactly how  _glad_  you are, Lieutenant?" she purrs, sending chills down James' spine as she seductively strokes his forearm.

"Later? How about  _now_?" James whispers the last sentence into Shepard's ear, smiling when he feels her tremble against him.

"Even better," she purrs.

 


	19. Risk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: NSFW!

"You're kidding me, right? You're totally kidding me right now, aren't you, Shepard?"

James stares in disbelief at the Commander's extremely serious expression.

"Does it look like I'm kidding, Vega?" she asks as she eyes the underwater mech standing behind her. "How are those repairs going, Steve?" she calls over the roaring wind and crashing waves.

"Nearly done, Commander," Steve yells out.

"Lola, this is loco!" James exclaims with a shaky laugh. "You can't just dive in with that thing!"

"Relax, James," she says. "I've done crazier things before."

"Yeah," Garrus laughs dryly. "Like dragging us all along into a suicide mission and actually surviving it."

"Exactly," Shepard grins.

James fails to see the humour in any of this.

"Lola," he says urgently, stepping closer to the Commander. Garrus clears his throat and shuffles away casually, pretending to check on his sniper. "Lola,  _please_.  _Please_  don't do this. We have no idea what's under there! What if it's too deep for the mech? What if you can't make it back up?  _Dios mio, stop rolling your eyes like that!_  I'm totally serious here!"

"All set, Commander," Steve calls out from behind them.

Shepard immediately turns on her heel and strides towards the diving mech.

 _Fucking hell_. James shakes his head and hurries after her, feeling more desperate by the millisecond. He watches helplessly as she climbs into the mech without any hint of hesitation. Cortez circles the mech as he scans it with his omni-tool one last time.

"All systems are online, Commander," he says.

"Let's go," Shepard says.

"Lola…" James pleads, his arm automatically reaching helplessly towards her.

She looks down at him with a hint of tenderness in her eyes.

"I'll be fine," she assures him in her usual confident tone.

Very well aware of the fact that nothing he can say or do will change her mind, James nods weakly and steps away to make room for her to manoeuvre.

"Don't worry, Vega," Garrus says, gently placing a hand on James' shoulder. "Shepard's been through crazier things. Believe me, I was there."

James just stares after the mech, feeling completely hollow. He inadvertently takes a step forward as he watches Shepard position the mech on the edge of the damaged ship before she dives in, without any prior warning. James immediately runs towards the edge and looks down as the mech rapidly descends into the black depths of the ocean.

 _She'll be fine_ , he tells himself.

 _She'll be fine_.

* * *

"James? James, talk to me."

James tears his eyes away from his intertwined fingers and looks up at the Commander standing before him, still in her Blood Dragon armor.

"Are you just gonna spend the rest of the night sulking like that on the edge of my bed?" Shepard asks comically.

James shakes his head in exasperation and starts pacing around the Commander's cabin, his mind racing.

"You have no idea, do you?" he asks her after a stretch of silence. "You have absolutely  _no fucking idea_."

"What do you mean?" she asks, crossing her arms against her chest.

He wheels around to face her, feeling angrier than he expected to feel.

"You have no idea how it feels to be terrified of losing someone!" he replies angrily, his voice bouncing off the cabin walls. "I mean, how could you? You're the one always risking your neck out there while the rest of us are forced to just stand there and helplessly watch from the sidelines. I mean,  _fucking hell_ , Shepard! Do you know how fucking terrified I was when you used that diving mech today? Do you know how scared fucking  _shitless_  I was when you didn't come out of the water for dios knows how long?"

He glares at her, his chest rising and falling rapidly as he breathes hard. He can tell from the Commander's expression that she's not pleased with this particular outburst.

"We were on a  _mission_ , James," she tells him in a hard voice. "We all knew the risks before heading out. Our mandate was clear:  _find Leviathan_. I wasn't about to fail the mission just because you happen to fear for my life. This is what we signed up for. All of us."

"Why didn't you send  _me_  down there?" James demands furiously. "Why do you always have to be the one risking your life? Don't you trust me to get the job done? I'm not good enough?"

Shepard eyes him reproachfully.

"You know damn well that that's not true, James," she replies angrily. "As the Commanding Officer of this crew, it's  _my_  responsibility to make sure that things get done, and that includes deciding  _how_  they get done."

She glares at him, waiting for him to respond. When he doesn't, she carries on.

"When we got into this relationship, I was worried that this would happen," she tells him. "I was worried that our feelings for each other would come in the way of our duty to the Alliance, and I was right. This whole thing was a mistake."

She shakes her head and looks down, her hair partially concealing her eyes.

"A  _mistake_?" James echoes. He closes the distance between them and places his hands on her shoulders, shaking her slightly. "How could you say that?" he demands angrily. "Shepard,  _look_ at me!"

Reluctantly, the Commander looks up to meet James' angry hazel glare.

"You… you're saying this is a mistake?" he asks in disbelief. "That our love is a mistake? Is that what you're saying?"

She sighs and looks away again, her expression ridden with guilt.

"No,  _look_  at me, Shepard," James commands her, lightly shaking her shoulders again. "Look me in the eye and tell me that our love is a mistake."

Her dark eyes meet his again, all hints of anger now replaced by what looks like…

 _Shame_.

"No," she replies quietly. "Of course not. None of this is a mistake. None of it."

James feels giddy. So giddy that he almost laughs out loud. He feels a smile spreading across his face, and he can't help it. His hands slide away from her shoulders towards her back, where they wrap around her and gently push her in against him.

"I'm sorry," he whispers into her ear. "I'm such an asshole. I shouldn't have yelled at you like that."

She tightens her arms around his waist and kisses his chest.

"It's okay," she murmurs soothingly. "But you've gotta remember that I'm your Commanding Officer, James. You can't let this stand in the way of our duty. This is the military. We both knew that getting into a relationship would be tricky."

He pulls away just enough to be able to look down at her face.

"I know," he replies softly. "I just wish you wouldn't risk everything on your own, Cariño."

"I don't," she smiles. "You're all risking your lives in every mission you're assigned to."

"You know what I mean," he says.

Her smile widens before she kisses him gently.

"I only take risks if they're worth it," she says. "Like you. You were a risk. You still are."

James furrows his brow in confusion.

"Fraternisation isn't exactly encouraged in the Alliance, as you very well know, Lieutenant," she explains. "Starting something with you was always a risk. Every single day we're together is a risk. But I decided to risk it, because you're worth it."

James smiles warmly back at her before he brings their lips together. He teases her lips with his tongue before he slides it into her hot mouth, his skin instantly feeling a hell of  _a lot_ warmer. He quickly and impatiently begins to strip off her armour, allowing it to clang loudly against the cabin floor. As soon as it's all off, Shepard pulls off James' snug t-shirt and pushes him onto the bed, hopping on top of him and straddling him with her thighs. He looks up at her, his heart swelling when he sees her smiling down at him.

_To think I could've lost her today…_

He grabs her by the waist and rolls over her, allowing his body to gently rest over hers. She gasps when she feels him against her groin. Her eyes roll into the back of her head as she teases her nipples with his tongue before sliding back up to kiss her. Blindly, her hands reach down to unbutton his fatigues and yank them down, his briefs quickly following suit. He deepens the kiss as he slides himself against her, up and down, up and down, until he drives her insane. She squirms beneath him, gasping and shuddering as he quickens his pace, resisting the almost maddening urge to slide into her before he comes.

" _Fucking hell_ ," she whispers shakily in between her moaning and gasping. " _Oh my god, James…_ "

He watches her face as he continues to slide against her, taking care to keep his movements quick, yet gentle.

She runs her trembling fingers through his hair and strokes it as she whispers his name over and over again as though it were a chant.

When he senses that she's right on the brink, he finally slides into her, gasping when he feels her incredible warmth tightening around him. She gasps too, and her short fingernails dig into the skin of his back. He moves gently, kissing her neck as he does so, before she tightens her thighs around his waist and rolls over him, straddling him again.

And she takes control.

The way she moves her hips drives James  _wild_. He tries to focus his eyes on her face, but the intensity of his pleasure forces them to close and roll to the back of his head. Groaning loudly, his fingers grasp at the bed sheets beneath them, and his toes curl inwards.

" _Dios mio_ ," he whispers breathlessly, opening his eyes when he feels her rest her forehead against his. He snakes his fingers through her hair and kisses her chaotically, his mind numb with pleasure.

She moves her hips faster and with more urgency, causing a considerably  _loud_  and  _carnal_  moan to escape James' lips.

" _I'm gonna come_ ," he breathlessly whispers into her ear as a warning.

"It's okay," she whispers back, burying her face against his neck. "I'm on the pill. It's okay."

She comes before him, and her spasms make him follow soon after.

" _Dios mio_ ," he gasps, stroking her back as she rests limply on him, her heavy breathing in harmony with his.

"You got that right," she chuckles breathlessly. She rolls down beside him on the bed, making his breathing hitch when he quickly slides out of her.

"Lola," James says after he catches his breath. "I think that was the best sex we've  _ever_  had. From now on, you're always on top. Dios, were you a belly dancer in a past life? The way you move those  _hips_! God  _damn_!"

"Kinda tiring, though," she smiles, resting her head on his chest.

"Fuck, I'm still shaking!" he laughs in disbelief. "Was that an apology for saying we were a mistake?"

"You can say that," she smiles sleepily.

"And for driving me nuts by going on suicidal dives in raging oceans?"

"Don't push it, Lieutenant."

"Okay, okay," James laughs. "Relax, Lola."

James absent-mindedly strokes the Commander's hair for a few silent minutes.

"Lola?"

"Hmm?" she asks sleepily.

"Next time you think about doing something crazy, could you maybe let  _me_  do it instead? Just  _once_?"

A brief pause ensues.

"No," she finally responds.

"Por qué?"

She lifts her head up and brings it level with his, her piercing eyes intently gazing into his.

"Because I don't think I'd be able to handle it."

He stares at her and nods lightly, his throat feeling tight.

"I know I'm being selfish, James," she says, placing her palm against his cheek. "I know it's unfair. But I can't lose you. I  _won't_."

He wants to argue, he wants to tell her that she's being absolutely darn  _ridiculous_ and that he can't lose her too, but he doesn't. She's already been through enough for one day. So he just smiles weakly and kisses her forehead before she rests her head against his chest and quickly falls asleep.


	20. Masajista

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally! After spending 6 weeks getting my ass kicked (and frozen-it was winter here these past couple of months) as an introduction to military life as a (potential) officer, I finally found enough time to write up another chapter. This one started off as really serious because I started it before I enlisted and I guess I was at a different mindset, so it went somewhere else towards the end. Enjoy!

"Hey! Scars! Have you seen the Commander?"

Garrus looks back to see James standing by the main battery's door, buff arms crossed against his chest.

"I think she's with Liara in her cabin. Trying to calm her down after what happened on Thessia."

"Oh. Right."

"Can't always have her to yourself, Vega," Garrus smiles as he turns his attention back to the calibrating console he relentlessly works on.

"Guess not," James shrugs. "Anyway, thanks, hombre. I'm gonna poke around the kitchen for something to eat."

"Later," Garrus replies.

As James heads over to the kitchen, he glances towards the closed door of Liara's cabin, hoping to catch the Commander stepping out. He hadn't seen her since they returned from their (failed) mission on the asari home world. She sort of shut down and refused to talk to anyone after that mission. James doesn't think he's ever seen her look so… _defeated_.

Seeing her like that and not being able to do anything about it is proving to be really hard on James. Almost harder than losing the prothean VI to Cerberus.

James flings open the fridge door and surveys its contents, his stomach rumbling.

_What eggs are these?_  he thinks to himself, circling a small greyish egg with a few dark specks between his fingers.  _Ah, fuck it. If they're in the fridge, they're edible_.

He cracks open the eggs into a bowl and mixes them with some milk before pouring the mixture into a frying pan on the stove. As he flips the contents around in the pan, he hears a door sliding open and looks up to see the Commander stepping out of Liara's cabin, looking just as distraught as he'd last seen her. She just stands there for a moment, apparently lost in thought, until specialist Traynor's voice blares through the intercom and snaps her out of her reverie.

"Commander, Admiral Anderson is available on vidcom."

Shepard nods to herself and strides off towards the elevator. As she passes by him, her troubled eyes meet James' gaze, and she gives him a brief nod before heading directly to the elevator, barely giving James a chance to utter a greeting or flash her an encouraging smile.

James blinks and turns his head to look at the Commander's back until she turns around the corner and disappears.

_What in the…?_

"I think you're burning your eggs there, Lieutenant," engineer Adams points out from his place at the dining table.

James blinks again and distractedly turns his attention back to the frying pan on the stove. He turns down the heat and stares at his partially burnt eggs, his appetite suddenly all but non-existent.

_Screw this_.

His mind buzzing, he empties his food into a container and places it in the fridge before heading down to the shuttle bay to vent his frustrations on his trusty punching bag. When the elevator arrives at the third deck and slides open, James nearly walks into Cortez, who greets James with his usual warm, crinkly-eyed smile.

"There you are, Mr Vega," Steve grins, his blue eyes lighting up. "Garrus, Joker and I are headed to the lounge for a game of poker. Wanna join?"

"No thanks, Esteban, got a lot on my mind," James mutters distractedly as he sidesteps Steve and walks into the elevator.

"Oh. No worries," Steve smiles with a look of understanding. "I'll catch you later, then."

"Later, man."

"And James?"

"Yeah?" James calls out, throwing his arm out to stop the elevator doors from sliding shut.

"Take it easy on that punching bag, tough guy. I'm here if you need to talk."

"Thanks, amigo," James nods and steps back, allowing the doors to slide shut.

He doesn't take Steve's advice on board. As soon as the elevator doors slide open, he pulls his shirt off and stomps towards the punching bag. He begins to pound it with all his might, over and over again, all the while picturing the look of utter defeat and despair that painted the Commander's beautiful face as she watched the Cerberus gunship fly away from fallen Thessia. That image then morphs into Kai Leng, which sends James into berserk mode, his fists almost blurry from the speed of his punches, his grunts and growls reverberating throughout the deserted shuttle bay.

_I'll kill you_ , he thinks to himself as he continues to picture Leng's face on the punching bag. He's so consumed in his rage, he's completely oblivious to the fact that his knuckles are bruised and bleeding from the ferocity of his punches.  _I'll fucking kill you!_

He roars as he aims one last punch against the bag, panting as he grabbs it and rests against it, his chest heaving and his heart pounding. His head spins as he catches his breath, so he closes his eyes in an attempt to fight the dizziness. He opens his eyes when he feels a strange burning sensation on his knuckles, only to close his eyes again and rest his forehead against the cool skin of the punching bag when he sees that they're merely bleeding from being cut.

After catching his breath and feeling a lot lighter, James grabs a towel and some clean clothes from his towel and heads back up to the third deck for a shower. For the second time in less than an hour, he almost walks into someone when the elevator doors slide open.

"James. Been looking for you."

He blinks down at the Commander in complete surprise.

"Been working out?" she asks, her eyes roaming over his sweaty (and very shirtless) torso.

"Yeah," he nods. "Was on my way to the shower."

Shepard glances around them before looking back up to meet James' gaze.

"Use my shower," she suggests dryly.

He responds by blinking at her, feeling stunned.

"Come on," she says as she steps into the elevator. She holds the elevator doors open for him while he struggles internally at this very unexpected change of events. He hesitantly follows her back into the elevator, his hazel eyes communicating his confusion when they meet her calm gaze.

_Is it that time of the month or something?_

"What?" she asks him with a raised eyebrow when she spots the confused expression on his face.

"Nothing," he replies, shaking his head lightly.

Her dark eyes tell him she doesn't buy it, but she doesn't push further, opting instead to look straight ahead at the closed elevator doors before her as they are taken up to her cabin.

"There's a fresh towel on the towel rack," she tells him as she strides directly to her desk.

James nods and heads towards the bathroom, glancing back over his shoulder to see the Commander already reading through one of the many datapads strewn across her desk.

_Jesus_ , he shakes his head.  _That woman needs a break_.

Just as his finger automatically jumps up to the button to close the door, he pauses and deliberates, a cheeky smirk creeping across his face.

_The shower is in plain view of the desk. Wouldn't hurt to 'accidentally' leave the door open_.

His smirk grows even wider.

_Nope. Wouldn't hurt at all_.

He strips off his clothes and steps into the shower. His back turned to the door, he rests his palms against the cool white tiles and closes his eyes as the hot water quickly soaks his body. He opens his eyes and glances over his shoulder to see the Commander still pouring over a datapad, her back turned to the bathroom.

_Damn it_.

"Hey, Lola?" he calls over the noisy shower.

"Yes, Ja—"

She pauses and stares when she turns to see the bathroom door still wide open.

"Umm, James?"

"Hmm?" he smiles.

"Why is the bathroom door open?"

"It gets all stuffy and steamy when I close it, so I figured I'd leave it open," he explains innocently. "You know. Let some air in."

"Ah," the Commander says with a puzzled expression. "I see. Anyway, did you need something?"

_Yeah. You in the shower with me_.

"Yeah, think you could scrub my back for me?" he smiles innocently.

She hesitates, but only for a second.

"Sure," she says, turning to put down the datapad on her desk. "Just turn off the water so I don't get wet."

James feels the heat in his groin build up at the sound of that last word.

_Wet_.

_Fuck, I want you_ _ **wet**_.

"Uhh, sure thing, Lola."

He does as she directed and hands her his loofah before turning his back towards her. He smiles a little when he catches her looking down at his lower back before she starts to gently scrub his smooth, tattooed back.

"Jump in," he suddenly blurts out.

"Huh?" the Commander pauses.

"Jump in the shower," he clarifies. "Hot water's great to ease up tension. And dios, are you  _tense_ , Lola."

"Already had one," she replies monotonously. "Right after Thessia."

"Shepard, about that—"

"It's fine," she snaps, scrubbing harder than James would like. "It's just one failure. We'll make up for it when we win this damn war."

She finishes scrubbing and hands James back his loofah. Before he could turn around to face her, she's already back at her desk, sorting through datapads.

_Well, shit. There goes my attempt to seduce her_.  _Smooth, you hopeless pendejo. Real smooth_.

He rinses off the soap and quickly towel dries himself before wrapping the towel around his waist and leaving the bathroom.

He sees her standing by her desk, her back facing him. He's amazed by how tense every muscle in her body seems to be, evident even under her dress blues.

He stops right behind her and gently runs his fingers through her hair, lifting it away so he can kiss her neck.

She sighs, and he feels her relax slightly under his touch. He blindly reaches forward and snakes his fingers into her hand, pulling the datapad away and setting it on the desk.

"James," she says reproachfully. "If you're trying to seduce me, it isn't working, buddy."

_Well, shit_.

"You're really tense, Lola," he replies. "I'm just trying to help you loosen up."

"I'm not in the mood," she says, starting to move away from him. He gently places his hands on her shoulders and holds her in place.

"Not in the mood for  _this_?" James asks with mock incredulity as he starts to massage her shoulders.

"Not if it leads to something else— _Damn_ , you're  _good_."

Shepard relaxes her neck and lets her head fall forward as James continues to massage her.

"Where'd you learn how to massage like this?" she asks in a weak voice. Her knees almost buckle beneath her.

"Uncle's sister-in-law was a masajista," James explains. "Taught me a few tricks before I enlisted. Lola, why don't we move to the bed? You're practically falling over here. I promise I'll be civil," he adds with a grin when she turns around to view him with a 'don't take me for a fool' kind of expression.

"All right," she says with resignation. She shuffles her feet towards the bed and all but collapses face-first onto it.

"Fuck, I'm tired," she yawns into her pillow.

As James strategically places his knees on either side of her waist, he suddenly becomes very aware that the only thing he has on is the towel around his waist. And seeing as he's practically sitting on the Commander's ass, it's no surprise he starts to go hard at an alarmingly rapid rate.

_Fuck_.

"C'mon, James, what's the hold up?" the Commander's voice (muffled by the pillow) floats into his ear.

Taking care to place all of his weight on his knees and not bring his erection in contact with any part of the Commander's clothed body, James tentatively begins to massage her back.

"Oh yes, right there," Shepard groans into the pillow when James' strong hands reach her lower back, right above her butt.

_Dios_ , James thinks frantically when he feels himself get even more excited at the sound of her groaning voice.  _Not helping, Commander. Not helping at_ _ **all**_.

"Mmmmm," she groans, turning her head to rest on the right side of her face.

_Fucking hell, Lola!_

_Relax, James. She can't feel a thing. It's pointing up and away from her body. It's pointing up and away from her body. It's point—Is she_ snoring?

James looks down at the Commander and, sure enough, she's fast asleep beneath him, her light snores echoing throughout the cabin.

_Huh. Guess I really am that good_.

Carefully, James crawls off the bed, pulls up the covers over the Commander, and backs away, making sure that his movements didn't wake her. He quietly picks up fresh underwear, a fresh t-shirt and fatigues from his drawer in the Commander's closet, puts them on, and heads straight down to the solitary bathroom down in the engineering deck for some much needed 'alone time'.

_This is ridiculous_.

_If this is gonna happen every time I give Shepard a massage, we're going to have to discuss a reward system_.

_Because the way she made me feel while I massaged her for less than five minutes up there?_

_Ri-dic-u-lous_.


	21. Loss

James get it now.

He gets it.

Until he met the Commander, he never understood the strict and rigid rule against fraternisation. Some people meet and fall in love. It happens because it's human nature, so why make rules against it? Surely the people involved could separate business from pleasure and act professional when it's called for. As long as there isn't any favouritism or any other form of inappropriate behaviour, relationships should be allowed to flourish.

But now he understands.

These rules aren't just there to prevent inappropriate behaviour and favouritism.

They're there to protect the soldiers and officers involved.

Because going through battle after life-threatening battle with your lover by your side can really be distracting.

 _Dangerously_ so.

It almost got James killed during a particularly ferocious and seemingly never-ending battle against the reaper forces on Earth because his focus was fixed on the Commander instead of the countless brutes and banshees surrounding him. Not to mention the Reaper Destroyer that was advancing away from the conduit towards them.

It also caused an injury so serious that he couldn't accompany the Commander to the Citadel via the conduit.

In the Normandy's med bay, James' limp, wounded body tenses as his mind races through his last moments with Shepard before she went on without him.

They're running.

Everything is a blur.

Harbinger is next to the conduit, obliterating everything before it with its red laser beam.

There are dead bodies, both human and reaper forces, strewn across the ground. James nearly trips on a husk's decapitated head as he sprints down no man's land, his eyes fixed on the Commander's back as she ran up ahead of them.

"SHEPARD!" he yells when he sees Harbinger's beam nearly hit the Commander, who very deftly avoids it without interrupting her ferocious sprint.

And that's when it happened.

While his eyes and attention were completely focused on Shepard, even after she evaded the beam, Harbinger takes aim at an upside down Mako just a few feet away from James and Garrus, causing an explosion so strong, it momentarily deafens and blinds James.

He feels the sharp and searing pain in his right thigh before he partially regains his auditory and visual senses. He barely hears Garrus' frantic voice shout his name from nearby, demanding to know if he's okay. It takes him more than a few seconds to realise that he's collapsed to a heap on the ground, his right leg no longer able to support him.

"James!"

His vision unfocused, he looks up towards the source of her voice, filled to the brim with fear. In an instant, she's yanking him up off the floor, her hands planted firmly beneath his armpits before she starts to walk him away from the debris.

"Garrus, you okay?" she asks in a lower voice.

"I'm fine, Commander," Garrus replies steadily over the chaos around them.

James feels himself get gently set down behind another Mako, the Commander's arm protectively wrapped around his shoulders.

"Normandy, do you copy?" she yells, her index finger pressed against her ear piece. "I need an evac, right now!"

"Shep… Shepard…" James mumbles, his vision clearing.  _Why won't my fucking head stop spinning!_

"It's okay," she says, starting to lift him up again when she sees the Normandy quickly descending towards them. "You're gonna be okay, James, you hear me?"

James nods, allowing himself to be supported to the Normandy's shuttle bay entrance.

"Here," the Commander says to Garrus when they arrive at the foot of the ramp. "Take him."

_What?!_

"Shepard!" James yells when he feels Garrus' grip replace the Commander's.

Her brown eyes meet him, fierce in their resolve.

"You gotta get out of here, James," she says in her commanding voice. "I'm not gonna let you die here."

"Like hell!" James yells, struggling to get away from Garrus' hold. "Shepard, you're not going anywhere without me, you hear?"

He stops struggling when he sees her expression soften. She walks up the ramp toward him, extending her arm to touch the side of his face. She caresses his cheek gently, the resolve in her eyes now replaced with…

 _Sorrow_.

"James," she says in a voice loud enough for only him to hear. "I have to go. We both knew this day would come. I  _need_  to do this. I… I'm sorry."

Her voice breaking, Shepard slowly starts to slide her hand away from James' face as she starts backing away from him.

James shakes his head frantically, grabbing her hand and holding it in place.

"Shepard, please—"

He's silenced by her lips, which kiss him chaotically, all of the intensity hidden behind her calm mask of resolve now pouring into him, filling his very core. He's vaguely aware of the hot tears that now start rolling down his face.

"I love you," she whispers, her lips grazing his.

This time, James doesn't try to stop her when she starts backing away again. He limply raises his right arm towards her instinctively, his body's pathetic last attempt at begging her not to go.

She keeps her gaze fixed on him until she reaches the foot of the ramp. She gives him a smile-a pained smile, the last smile he'd see on her beautiful face—before she turns around and sprints back into the chaos, towards Harbinger and the conduit.

James doesn't remember much after that. He remembers his knees buckling, his legs finally giving way. He remembers being dragged to the med bay by Garrus and someone else (Jack?). He remembers hearing pained howling, like the sound a wounded wolf would make. He remembers the echo of surprise that he feels in some distant part of his mind when he realises that the sounds are actually emanating from him. He remembers ignoring all pleading attempts from Dr. Chakwas for him to calm down so that she could stem the alarmingly excessive bleeding in his right thigh, the depth of his agonising sorrow and despair echoing and bouncing off the med bay's metallic walls.

And now here he is, lying down motionless in the med bay, his head throbbing like it's about to explode.

He realises that he's been completely stripped of his armour and is in nothing but his boxers. He pulls up the white sheet draped over his lower body to assess his right thigh.

Completely healed.

Almost robotically, James swings his legs down to the cold floor and jumps out of the hospital bed, his eyes frantically searching for his armour and shotgun. He hears the med bay door slide open in the middle of his search, and he looks up to see Dr Chakwas, gaping at him in shock.

"James! What on earth are you doing?"

"Where's my gear, Doc?" James demands, ignoring her question.

"Gear?" she echoes in confusion.

"My armour and weapons, doc! My leg's healed, I have to go join the Commander! Where are they?"

The doctor stares at James, apparently at a loss for words.

"C'mon, doc! We're wasting time here!" he exclaims.

She hesitates for a few seconds before she carefully steps further into the med bay, her expression pained.

"James…" she starts in a weak voice. "It… it's over. The war is over."

James freezes midway through his search.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he asks as he straightens up to face the doctor. "Over  _how_? All hell was loose just a few minutes ago!"

Doctor Chakwas appraises James with what looks like pity on her aging yet elegant face.

"You've been asleep for nearly 7 hours, James," she tells him quietly. "It's all over. The Commander did it. It's over."

"Where is she?" James demands, his feet automatically taking him to the med bay doors. "Where is she, I wanna see her!"

Doctor Chakwas merely stares at him again, opening her mouth to say something before closing it again without uttering a sound.

James' heart immediately sinks.

Doctor Chakwas doesn't need to say anything. The expression on her face says it all. Suddenly, James notices that her eyes are red and puffy, as though she'd spent a significant amount of time crying. He hadn't noticed this incredibly telling detail until this moment.

"No," he whispers, shaking his head in disbelief.

Doctor Chakwas nods her head lightly, her lower lip trembling uncontrollably.

"I'm so sorry, James…" she whispers, but he doesn't hear her. His feet are already halfway through taking him to the elevator, which he takes to the CIC. At this point, all of his movements are mechanical, his mind too numb to process anything.

 _No_.

 _No, no, no, no, no_.

 _It can't be_.

 _It just can't_.

As soon as the elevator doors slide open, James knows.

One look at everyone's face is more than enough confirmation.

She's gone.

Lola. His Lola.

Gone.

"James…" Garrus looks up, his icy blue eyes, normally calm and aloof, now lost.

Utterly  _lost_.

Without warning, James lunges at him, boxers and all, and punches him in the face.

Everyone in the CIC starts pulling James off the visibly distraught turian immediately.

"You left her to die!" James screams in fury, fighting with all his might, but failing, to free his tired and aching body from Wrex's grasp. "You let her go all alone when you could've gone with her! Watched her back! Protected her!"

"You think I didn't want to?!" Garrus yells back. "You were there! You know she ordered us back! And I knew I'd only slow her down because of my injury!"

But James wasn't listening. His knees giving way beneath him, he falls down on all fours, his painful, agonised howls echoing throughout the packed CIC, instantly silencing everyone. He cries like he's never cried before, like he's never seen  _anyone_  cry before, and he just doesn't stop. The entire CIC shakes as he repeatedly pounds his fists against the cool metallic floor, until he can't feel them anymore.

"James, please!" Traynor tearfully pleads with him, her violently trembling hands cupping her own face as she watches the lieutenant. "Please don't do this to yourself!"

"He needs to be sedated," Garrus tells Dr Chakwas, who followed James down to the CIC. "We can't let him do this to himself."

Dr Chakwas nods silently, her thin lips pursed. She quietly slips away from the commotion in the CIC and back into the elevator.

When the doctor returns, James is just lying there on the floor, breathing rapidly, blankly staring at the feet of everyone standing around him. He vaguely feels Samantha Traynor's hand gently massaging his back, encouraged by his silence.

"I-" the doctor says, confused by the sight before her.

"It's okay," Garrus tells her calmly, his pale blue eyes fixed on James in case he suddenly experiences another outburst. "I think he'll be fine without it. But keep it on you just in case," he quickly adds when he sees the doctor move to head back to the elevator. She nods, her sad and tired eyes surveying the pitiful sight before her, her face pale and clammy.

James suddenly moves to get up, startling Samantha, who takes her hand away as though she'd been electrocuted.

The right side of his face is numb from being pressed against the cold metallic floor of the CIC for so long. Garrus and wrex move to give him a hand, but he ignores them, the vacancy in his eyes alarming to everyone around him. He slowly makes his way to the elevator and takes it up to the first deck.

He pauses by the door, hesitant to open it. He stares for the longest time at the green light indicating that the door is unlocked. The Commander never locked the door. She always had an open door policy for all members of her crew because they all mattered a great deal to her.

There was always that one exception, though. That one exception where the light at the centre of the door would be a vibrant red, and that was whenever James was in there with her. They'd disappear into their own separate world, leaving everything but their love and appreciation for each other behind. Even the worries of the war, which dogged the Commander even in her sleep, would temporarily be pushed aside to some deep, dark corner in her brilliant mind.

But now, the light is green.

And just like the numerous times these past few months, James could simply walk in and see the Commander reading through a pile of datapads on her desk, her brow furrowed in concentration. She'd look up and smile instantly when she turns around and sees him. He'd tease her, throw in a joke or two, approach her and gently hug her from behind, softly kissing her neck as he takes in her familiar scent. He'd feel her go limp against him and set down her datapad as she closes her eyes and sighs.

Only he could do that to her.

Only he could help her relax and just be…  _human_.

And when she turns around in his arms to smile up at him, everything in the galaxy seems fine. Like everything is exactly the way it should be. Even though it was the exact opposite.

But now, the galaxy  _is_  fine.

The war is over, the reapers are gone.

That same woman who would smile up at him before every kiss, the woman who would hold him close and whisper his name as he made love to her in this very cabin… She did it. She saved them all.

And now she's gone.

And everything seems wrong.

James' hand is still hovering over the green light on the door. He lowers it and steps back, swallowing against a lump in his throat.

_I can't see an empty cabin._

James continues to back away until his back collides against the elevator. He slides down against it, his legs no longer able to support his weight. His entire body, already barely clothed and wounded, trembles violently as he repeats that phrase to himself in his mind.

 _I can't see an empty cabin_.

His breathing starts coming up in shallow bursts, his vision goes blurry, and without warning, pained sobs erupt from him again, the entire deck shaking as he repeatedly bangs the back of his head against the closed elevator doors. He cries out her name, over and over, half expecting her to come out of her cabin in response, but she never does. Hours pass, and James is left alone, until his exhausted body gives up and drags him down to the dark depths of unconsciousness.


	22. Epilogue

Miracles.

James doesn't really know what to make of them.

Ever since he was a child, he never really expected much from life. Born into a poor family with an absentee drug addict for a father, his outlook on life was bleak, to put it simply. And things only got worse when his mother passed away. Add the catastrophe that took place in Ferris Fields, and… well… let' just say not that many people are enthusiastic about purposely crashing a shuttle into another one and risking their lives in the process.

Not that James is bitter about life or anything.

He just doesn't have high expectations.

He swirls around the contents of his beer bottle and stretches his legs, resting them on the glass coffee table before him. He looks out the large glass windows of his apartment in Alliance HQ in Vancouver. As he takes another swig of his cold beer, he still can't decide what he makes of miracles.

The galaxy survived the war against the reapers. Against all odds, they did it. Surely that would classify as a miracle? Or was it the result of almost impossibly hard work and a heavy dose of luck?

He downs the rest of his beer and jumps up to his feet, groaning as he stretches his sore muscles- the aftermath of the morning's grueling workout.

Seven months have passed since the reapers were defeated. The damage done to earth was extensive, but Vancouver is already looking relatively good. Alliance HQ had to be entirely rebuilt from the ground up, much like the majority of the city, but it's pretty much complete now.

James looks at the clock when his stomach lets out quite a dramatic rumble.

 _1700\. Forty five minutes to go_.

He tidies up his apartment to kill the time, ignoring his starving stomach's relentless protests. He pays particular attention to his bedroom, smoothing out the quilt and fluffing up the pillows.

 _Just in case_.

He moves on to the bathroom for one last sweep over. His eyes swoop over the mirror and automatically rest on the new scar stretching across the right side of his hairline, ending a few inches on his scalp. It's still a bright pink fleshy shade—James having sustained it in the final battle seven months ago.

He shudders as his mind inadvertently flits back to the memories again. This scar will forever be a reminder of that time. A reminder of the hardship and unity. A reminder of the destruction and victory.

A reminder of the ones they lost.

He gulps hard and audibly, his prominent Adam's apple accentuating the reaction.

He nearly jumps out of his skin when his omni-tool- still ever present on his left wrist—suddenly lights up, a female voice blaring from it and echoing off the tiled bathroom walls.

"Lieutenant-Commander Vega," the voice says. "Admiral Hackett would like to speak to you in his office, Sir."

Say  _what_? Right  _now_?

"Copy that," James replies, his jaw muscles tightening when he looks at the digital time on his omni-tool.

 _1735\. Fuck my life_.

He quickly checks himself in the mirror before sprinting to the door. Bewildered thoughts start to run around in his mind as he impatiently waits for the elevator to reach the topmost floor of the 350 storey building.

_Dios mio. Perfect fucking timing, jefe. Fucking perfect._

He pulls out his phone and looks at the time.

 _1745_.

"Lieutenant-Commander Vega," a redheaded woman smiles from behind the reception desk. "The Admiral is waiting for you. Please go on ahead."

James sees that the Admiral's door is open, but he knocks on it three times anyway, just to be polite.

"Come in, Lietenant."

James stops a few feet short of the Admiral's desk and salutes, despite being dressed in civilian attire.

"At ease, Lieutenant," the Admiral says, his strikingly pale blue eyes twinkling as they scan the young officer before him. "Have a seat."

James obliges and (impatiently) waits as the Admiral turns his attention to his personal terminal. His gaze shifts to the two large framed pictures mounted on the wall behind the Admiral.

To the left of the wall, the late Admiral Anderson looks down at him, proud yet humble, two distinguishable traits that are so synonymous with the man, and apparent even in pictures. His hazel eyes then shift to the other elaborately framed picture, and a surge of emotion consumes him before he could stop it. His jaw and fists clench, a very frequent reaction since the war ended.

A beautiful, slightly tanned and freckled brunette woman dressed in the Alliance Navy ceremonial garb looks down at him, her deep brown eyes almost penetrating his own, like an X-ray scan. Their piercing gaze hypnotizes him, just as they always did whenever they looked at him. A shiver runs through him, and he tries his best to mask it by shifting around in his seat.

"Busy evening planned?" the Admiral asks without moving his eyes from his screen. James could almost swear he sees a small smirk form on his face.

"Yeah, you could say that. Sir," James quickly adds, trying his utmost best to stop his eyes from flitting to the clock above the office door.

"This won't take long, Lieutenant, I promise," Hackett says. His terminal's holographic interface disappears as he opens a drawer and pulls out a small, navy blue box. He places it before James on the desk and slightly pushes it closer to him with his long, pale fingers.

"This just arrived," the Admiral says.

James stares at the box, then back at the Admiral's now smiling face.

"The box isn't going to open itself, Lieutenant," he jokes.

James hesitantly takes the box in his calloused hands, his eyes quickly checking the clock before opening it.

 _1756_.

He opens the box and stares at the object inside, completely unaware of the fact that his jaw had practically fallen to his lap.

Stunned with disbelief, he looks up at the Admiral, waiting for him to laugh aloud and confirm the joke.

"What… Is this… Is this for real?" he finally manages to blurt out.

"We don't usually make a habit of handing out N7 badges to random officers, Lieutenant," the Admiral smiles.

James looks back down at the platinum badge, his hands trembling.

"But I…" He gulps and looks back up at the Admiral. "I never actually went through the ICT program. Because of the war."

"I know that, Lieutenant," the Admiral replies gently. "Normally, getting through ICT is a strict prerequisite to being awarded N7 status, but I think you and I both know that what you went through with Shepard is more than enough to warrant a qualification."

James merely stares back at the Admiral's aging face, dumbfounded.

"You've earned this, Lieutenant," the Admiral says in a low, serious voice. He watches James intently for a moment before leaning back in his chair. "Now go and do whatever it is you twenty-something year olds do to celebrate," he smirks.

James looks at the time and jumps up as though jolted by an electric shock.

_1804! Fuck, fuck, FUCK!_

He quickly scrambles up to his feet, nearly dropping the box in his haste. He clumsily stuffs the box in the inside pocket of his leather jacket, stopping when he sees the Admiral standing up with him.

"Congratulations, Lieutenant," Hackett smiles, extending his right hand. James takes it and they exchange a firm shake, James feeling as though he's having an out-of-body experience.

"Thank you, Sir," James replies. He steps back and salutes the Admiral before leaving his office as calmly as he could. He breaks into a sprint as soon as he's through the door, pulling out his phone to check the time and impatiently pressing the elevator button numerous times to summon it.

"Come on, come on, come on," he mutters repeatedly under his breath. He takes the elevator to the 215th floor and bounces on the balls of his feet as he waits for it to get there. He sprints out the elevator doors as soon as they're wide enough to let him through and comes to a halt before apartment 2154 and knocks three times, his heart racing against his ribs.

The door swings open almost immediately.

"You're—"

"Late, I know," James quickly responds. He stops and stares at the person standing before him.

_Holy…_

"What?"

James blinks stupidly before snapping himself back to reality.

"Nothing," he replies. "You… you look beautiful."

The woman blushes and smiles shyly.

"Thanks," she says.

"Welcome. Vamos, time to celebrate, baby!"

"What are we celebrating?" she asks as she steps out of her apartment and shuts the door behind her.

"I'll tell you when we get there," James smiles, placing his hand on the small of her back as they summon an elevator.

"Where are we going anyway?" she asks.

_Do we have to go anywhere? Maybe we should just go back to your place. Or mine._

_Or is it too soon for that?_

_Fuck_.

"Got your meds?" he asks her as they make their way out of the elevator and into the parking lot.

"Yep," she nods.

"And you're feeling fine?"

"Yes."

"No pain or soreness or anything?"

"Nope."

"How are your ribs feeling?"

"Jesus Christ, James!" she exclaims, shooting James an exasperated look from her place in the passenger seat.

"I'm sorry," he smiles apologetically, taking her left hand and bringing it up to his lips. Her expression softens and she leans in for a kiss before settling back into her seat and looking out at the partly reconstructed city as they glide through it.

As he drives, James' mind briefly revisits the topic he was dwelling on earlier.

"Hey, Lola?"

"Yeah?" Shepard turns to look at him.

He looks at her, internally marveling at how a woman like her could possibly love a man like him.

"Just how breakable are you?"

She laughs, a weaker laugh than the one he was used to, courtesy of her fractured ribs.

"Not as breakable as you may think I am," she smiles, stretching the scar—one of many new ones- across her upper lip.

"Think I'd break you if I had my way with you tonight?" he winks.

She laughs again, shaking her head as she gazes at him affectionately.

"I think the cybernetics can handle you, Vega," she grins.

James smiles as he parks in a parking space. He leans over and kisses her lips gently, almost teasingly.

"Guess we'll just have to find out," he smiles, before leaning in for a deeper kiss.

And as he hears her sigh gently beneath his touch, one thing becomes crystal clear in his mind.

Miracles do exist.


End file.
